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Who Wants to Marry an Indian Dude? - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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February 1st, 2007


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01:03 am - Who Wants to Marry an Indian Dude?
I do have one small order of business to take care of first.

Dude, which one of you donated A HUNDRED DOLLARS to my AIDS Marathon fund? Because I think I broke my feet yesterday, but I am amazingly grateful for your generosity. I don't recognize the name, though! If only we had credit cards in our LJ names. If you want to remain anonymous-like, I understand, but do know that you've pretty much got the contest in the bag. Unless some other people organize to take you down. Thanks to everyone who's donated so far! I've got over $300 already. What's even more amazing is that, collectively, we runners have raised over $28,000 already. And we haven't even begun training! Go AIDS Foundation, go!



So my mom has been on my ass to give her my biodata, which is essentially my dating résumé. Because finding a wife is a long, arduous process, and if I don't find one soon, I'll be 35 and still not have a wife! Woe upon my Cylon heart! I must be some sort of hot commodity or something because the Mohinder Sureshes of America are already asking my parents if I would take their Kelly Kapoors off their hands. I am of marrying age, after all, and I'm going to expire soon.

My biodata is what gets passed around the Indian community to advertise my total awesomeness as husband material. So this may very well be the most important document of my life. Which is why, rather than make it the boringest boring that ever boringed, I got a little more creative. Because what do where I went to school and how tall I am really say about me, anyway?

My parents will probably hate it (since they won't get any of it), but I figure that if my potential mate is out there, she'll dig it. Of course, her parents will probably hate it (since they won't get any of it), so I'm likely screwed. Whatever. Life will find a way.

I present to you a first look at my biodata. Suggestions?

Being the BIODATA of one POLTER-COW, this document falls under the bylaws and tariffs of the Desi Arranged Marriage Notification and may not be reproduced and/or distributed without the express written consent of Wolfram and Hart or one of its subsidiaries.

Name: Move along, Googlebots!
Height: 5' 7"
Weight: 130 lbs
Date of Birth: September 12, 1981
Handedness: Right
Education:
  • University of Michigan-Ann ArborM.S. Pharmacology, 2005
    • "I think you're the smartest graduate student we have around here...in terms of your native ability to think."—Dr. Pratt
    • University of Michigan Gilbert and Sullivan Society, Do Random Acts of Kindness, Michigan Daily (science writer)
  • Rice UniversityB.A. Biochemistry and Cell Biology, B.A. English, 2003
    • "Well, you're not completely stupid."—Dr. Mitchell
    • George Williams Prize in Fiction
    • Rice Light Opera Society, Marching Owl Band, University Blue (literary magazine), Rice Film Appreciation Society, Students Organized Against Rape
Occupation: Medical Writer, Drug Safety, at ethicalmedical.net, Emeryville, CA
Avocation: Identification of stations for the initiation of sensations of elation without complication
Location: Oakland, CA
Television: Veronica Mars, Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Office, Heroes, Dexter, Battlestar Galactica, Whedonverse
Books: The Remains of the Day, The Time Traveler’s Wife, Dealing with Dragons, Watership Down, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Thief of Time, Cryptonomicon, Watchmen, The Sandman
Comics: Fables, Powers, Y: The Last Man, Ex Machina, 100 Bullets, Daredevil
Marvel or DC? Marvel
Beatles or Elvis? Beatles
Cake or death? Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry.
Cell Phone: 800-976-EVIL
Movies: Groundhog Day, Go, Fight Club, Memento, Moulin Rouge, Magnolia, Kill Bill: Volume 1, The Princess Bride, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, His Girl Friday
Music: Garbage, System of a Down, Incubus, Eddie from Ohio, Tegan and Sara, Of Montreal, Nine Inch Nails, Emm Gryner, The Dresden Dolls, Ladytron, Green Day
Numbers: 4 8 15 16 23 42
E-mail: nospam@arachnophobia.com
Claim to Fame: [censored for modesty]
Coolness: 6.7 actual, 14.8 perceived
Even with nougat: You can have a perfect moment.

Father: Wasn't a glassbender (Toli)
Mother: Your mom! (Ruva)
Brother: My very own Winchester (Trinity University)
Sister: Not constructed by monks (Lamar High School)
Hometown: Arlington, TX


Now, I also want to add some testimonials. You know, "But don't take my word for it!" So if you all could come up with some nice soundbites about me (that are suitable for parents!), that would be swell. Don't worry, I won't credit people by name or anything. But it would be a fun thing to add, if it's allowed.

Who wants to marry an Indian dude?
Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: Venus Hum - Soul Sloshing

(155 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


Page 1 of 4
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From:hobviously
Date:February 1st, 2007 09:26 am (UTC)

a testimonial, by me

(Link)
I've met POLTER-COW three times, and each time he has failed to murder me horribly. Were you to marry him, he would probably fail to murder you horribly too, unless I was just lucky. (Note: I did not GET lucky, because POLTER-COW is not a slut [but who knows?].)

He also gives hugs and compliments and chocolate and attitude. Marry him already. I did! (Note: I didn't.)
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:February 1st, 2007 09:33 am (UTC)

Re: a testimonial, by me

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I...may use parts of that.

...maybe the murder part...

...or not.
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From:snoopypez
Date:February 1st, 2007 09:50 am (UTC)
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I personally love that first testimonial. ;P Also, that first picture wins at life, I think.

Lastly, dude! You're only like, two weeks older than I am. :D

Er. Good luck, I mean. ;)
[User Picture]
From:aprilbegins
Date:February 1st, 2007 11:09 am (UTC)
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I think I've heard enough about Time Traveler's Wife lately to make that my next novel choice. I mean, Rachel McAdams is supposedly in talks to be in the film adaptation, and that's enough reason for me to read it.

Testimonial: Sunil makes me question my preconceived belief that skinny people give inferior hugs.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:February 1st, 2007 03:28 pm (UTC)
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Ha ha ha ha! That's a good one.
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From:harper47
Date:February 1st, 2007 12:38 pm (UTC)
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Love the picture. Seriously, this is all kinds of awesome.

Um . . . . testimonial wise, I don't think I'm qualified. Popular internet poster doesn't quite set the writing world aflame. How about some catchy phrases: Pipeline to the Powers that Be, Purveyor of pithy ponderings about pretty much everything, Watches TV with Rae - oh wait, you might not want to include that.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:February 1st, 2007 03:29 pm (UTC)
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Oh, I'm totally performing them.
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From:bspalek
Date:February 1st, 2007 01:25 pm (UTC)
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For a minute I thought that said January 29th, and I thought I had missed it. I plan to volunteer in AIDs efforts after I have my shiney BSN degree, and it's something that's really important to me, so I will be making a contribution after I get my monthly budget done. (Yes, I am the kind of dork that does that sort of thing).

The biodata you wrote is fun! And I agree, if you really have to do the whole wife-shopping thing, you at least want someone who would appreciate all the things you are into.


[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:February 1st, 2007 03:30 pm (UTC)
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I should do a monthly budget. I sort of wing it. Thanks in advance for your contribution!
From:wee_warrior
Date:February 1st, 2007 01:52 pm (UTC)
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...I am heavier than you. Crap.

Erm... Even though I only know Polter-Cow via IM and message boards, I think he is a great "co-worker" and always fun to talk to. Like hobviously, I can safely say he has failed to murder me yet, and I'm sure he won't in future, since he's far too nice for that. Were I so inclined, I would consider him good marriage material. (You might want to leave out the last sentence, pending conservatism of your perspective bride/her parents.)

Good luck!
[User Picture]
From:kibarika
Date:February 1st, 2007 01:55 pm (UTC)
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Were I a) Indian b) available c) interested in living in California and d) the kind of person who makes these sorts of decisions based on biodata sheets, I'd totally marry you.

As for a testimonial...

"I talked to Sunil on the phone for a long time and not once did either of us just start saying 'Uh-huh' to everything the other said." (I think my earlier statement is probably a better testimonial, actually.)
[User Picture]
From:kibarika
Date:February 1st, 2007 01:58 pm (UTC)
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Also? You should totally post this biodata sheet at gujaratimatrimony.com.
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From:miss_katelynne
Date:February 1st, 2007 01:55 pm (UTC)
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Hey, I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to you and all of the people who are participating in the AIDS Marathon. That money will help so many people.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:February 1st, 2007 03:33 pm (UTC)
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Thanks! I don't think I realized how many people AIDS affected until I looked into this.
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From:raelee
Date:February 1st, 2007 02:13 pm (UTC)
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I do!!! But moving on to my Sunil testimonial, "BEST. GUY. EVER."

What? It's short and to the point. Granted, not all that unique but whatever.

I love your biodata and while you're probably right that neither set of parents will like it much it's good that you made it conform to you rather than conforming to it.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:February 1st, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC)
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Short and to the point! Thanks!
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From:peri_peteia
Date:February 1st, 2007 02:30 pm (UTC)

A Testimony, by Rawles, Aged 23 and 1/12

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Once I was able to convince POLTER-COW to drive for 48 MINUTES to come hang out with me with no guarantees of actual entertainment upon his arrival. As such, I am sure it would be pretty easy to get him to do things like take out the trash and wash the dishes. Afterwards, you could laugh at silly persons and talk about cartoons and hug. I didn't marry him, but I recommend the exact opposite lifestyle choice for you!
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From:spectralbovine
Date:February 1st, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC)

Re: A Testimony, by Rawles, Aged 23 and 1/12

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The Boulder is amused by your testimony!
[User Picture]
From:sail_aweigh
Date:February 1st, 2007 02:39 pm (UTC)
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"Polter-Cow wears a tiara with aplomb. He might even wear one at your wedding, if you ask him nicely."

Dude, we have the pictures.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:February 1st, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC)
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I thought of using a tiara picture, but I was positive my parents wouldn't approve.
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From:janeanger
Date:February 1st, 2007 02:59 pm (UTC)
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Sunil is a very nice boy. -a random tall blond girl from Delaware who met him once in the middle of a blizzard.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:February 1st, 2007 03:38 pm (UTC)
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Short and to the point!
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From:glasseseater
Date:February 1st, 2007 03:05 pm (UTC)
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man I would totally marry you with a resume like that, if I weren't totally against the way marriage is run in this country.

this entry makes you sound like a delicious milk drink. maybe you could put that on your resume, I am like a delicious milk drink, please drink me before I am expired.

someday I will give you the best advice of your life and you will not take me seriously.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:February 1st, 2007 03:39 pm (UTC)
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Probably not, Katy. Probably not.

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