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Krakens and Snakes and Ninjas and Gold - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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August 22nd, 2006


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10:17 am - Krakens and Snakes and Ninjas and Gold
It was an eventful weekend, and I will never find the time to do it justice, so I will just summarize like a madwoman. Because only women are mad. DON'T YOU KNOW THE ETYMOLOGY OF HYSTERIA?

On Friday, I met waitaminute17 in the City. We had met before, but it was one of those things where you meet someone in person and then get to know them better online and so when you see them again in person it's kind of like your first real "meeting." She was very, very happy to see me, and I was very, very happy to see her world-famous cleavage. After doing extensive research, I had chosen Gyro King as our dinner venue, and, lucky for me, gyros were in her top ten favorite foods.

After dinner, we strolled down to the Thunderbird Theatre, site of Release the Kraken, starring incidentist (Dan). We were there ridiculously early, and some members of the company greeted us and launched into a gigantic spiel of all the places we could eat, after which I told him we'd just eaten. My companion, however, wanted to have cake in honor of the VM4, so we went in search. We came across Brainwash, a laundromat that was too cool for school (and low prices). There, she had a chocolate cupcake.

Returning to the theatre, we waited outside for the house to open until someone told us to come in out of the cold and sit in the antechamber, where we could fill out an information sheet to win fabulous prizes. It asked important questions like "If you lived in ancient Greece, what would you do for a living?" to which my answer was "leer at women" and "How did you hear about us?" to which my favorite answer was "Why should I tell you?"

We took a seat in the front row and admired the balloon sculpture of Medusa. It was too awesome for words. I mean, it even had white balloon teeth. It was amazing.

Release the Kraken was a lot of fun, chockfull of references to Tron, Star Wars, and Scientology. The comedy was a bit more broad than I was expecting, with a lot of over-the-top yelling, but it was funny nonetheless. Dan played himself, and he did it well. I recommend anyone in the Bay Area go check it out, as it will undoubtedly be the only play you will ever see in which Teddy Ruxpin saves the day.

waitaminute17 really, really liked the play, so I was glad I had taken her to it. She fangirled Dan and got his autograph, and she managed to snag a Clerks-takeoff poster. Then Hera fangirled me for having gone to Comic-Con. Then Dan just shook his head in disbelief at someone fangirling me in his presence. I don't know why the bastard decided to move to ANOTHER COUNTRY (if you consider Canada a "country") four months after I moved here.

As we had to catch the late BART to East Bay, wam and I headed out. I then proceeded to get us horrendously lost in Oakland, and, while I did do the typical-male thing of not asking for directions, it was past midnight and no one was out to ask directions from. Also, I need to learn how to get unlost on my own. I need to better intuitively orient myself. I haven't driven a lot since I've never had a car, but that's different now, except the Bay Area sucks for not labelling anything properly. Together, we worked out where the hell we were and how to navigate to where we wanted to be, which was her hotel.

The next morning, I dropped her off at BART so she could go off to her cousin's wedding (which, dude: her cousin married the drummer from Metric! Holy crap!). I bummed around Berkeley for a few hours. Half-Price Books, Comic Relief, Games of Berkeley, etc. Lunch at Tacone, which had a sweet "Flavor Station" with all these cool sauces that I didn't need to take advantage of but whose presence I was glad for.

Then I saw Snakes on a Plane. I even got a free mini-poster! I went by myself, but there were about thirty people in the audience, who were good for loud "EWWWW!"s. SOAP is like a surprisingly good SciFi Original Movie. Yes, it's better than Boa vs. Python and Pterodactyl. COMBINED. Throw in Bloodsuckers, though, and you may be stretching it. Is gratuitous airplane lavatory sex better than vampire mindsex? Basically, however, you get what you pay for. Motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane. It is COMPLETE MAYHEM and thus awesome. No, it's not objectively good, but it's not that awful either. It sets the bar low and hits it with a CLANG.

The bottom line here is that if you have any desire to see this movie, you will enjoy it. If you get it, you will get it, you know what I mean? It's satisfactory that way.

After the movie, I bummed around Berkeley some more and then got bored and continued reading 1602 while I waited to pick up my cousin from his YMCA camping trip. Picking him up, I got horrendously lost again. I also got lost trying to get out of the City. It was not a good weekend for me.

Sunday morning, la_perkins (Lee) picked me up and took me to zmayhem's (JZ's) baby shower. As we waited for people to stream in, we watched Spike Jonze music videos, including "Christopher Walken dances" and "Bjork dances with a mailbox." Many Buffistas came to hang out and eat food and watch JZ open her presents. I let hecubot (Hec) open mine, which was a dueling set of moral compasses for the Halloweenie: spinners for What Would a Pirate Do? and What Would a Ninja Do? To my great glee, both JZ and Hec were very pleased. I continue to win at gifting.

In conclusion, here is a lovely cover of "Casimir Pulaski Day." As etherealclarity said, you might like it because she's pretty AND she can sing!
Current Mood: busybusy
Current Music: This Pretty Chick - Casimir Pulaski Day

(41 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:peri_peteia
Date:August 22nd, 2006 01:46 pm (UTC)
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Nobody ever believes me when I tell them the etomology of the word hysteria!

If you get it, you will get it, you know what I mean? It's satisfactory that way.

Yes.

I tire so of people asking me SO HOW WAS IT? and me being all GREATEST EVER!! and them being all OMG RILLY. IT WAS GOOD? I THOUGHT IT LOOKED STUPID. WELL I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO SEE IT THEN. and then me being all *FACEPALM*
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:August 22nd, 2006 01:53 pm (UTC)
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Nobody ever believes me when I tell them the etomology of the word hysteria!
Do they think it's some WEIRD COINCIDENCE that it looks so similar to hysterectomy?

I tire so of people asking me SO HOW WAS IT? and me being all GREATEST EVER!! and them being all OMG RILLY. IT WAS GOOD? I THOUGHT IT LOOKED STUPID. WELL I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO SEE IT THEN. and then me being all *FACEPALM*
Hee. Even the characters in the movie are floored by its ridiculousness! "You know all those scenarios we went through? I'm in one we didn't think of."

I also love how Eddie Kim is like DON'T YOU THINK I EXHAUSTED ALL MY OTHER OPTIONS?? SNAKES ON A PLANE WAS MY LAST RESORT. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND BOMBS OR KANGAROOS OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT COULD POSSIBLY KILL THIS TEENAGE BOY.
[User Picture]
From:darlingviolenta
Date:August 22nd, 2006 02:34 pm (UTC)
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"It sets the bar low and hits it with a CLANG."

I am so quoting you. Besides right here, I mean.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:August 22nd, 2006 02:38 pm (UTC)
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Ooh! Where? Will I be famous beyond my wildest dreams?
[User Picture]
From:r_a_l_i_g_h
Date:August 22nd, 2006 02:47 pm (UTC)
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It sets the bar low and hits it with a CLANG.

This is quite possibly the most awesome way of explaining well, what you were attempting to explain. It perfectly encapsulates the idea of the irrational love for "so-bad-it's-good"

I, too, will be quoting you.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:August 22nd, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC)
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Hee, thanks! These movies, you know, they know they're not trying to be high art. They're barely trying to be real movies. And it's funny to see them try, like when you attempt to decipher the plot of soft porn. And the more I think about it, the more I think that maybe SOAP isn't that much better than your typical SciFi Original Movie, but...it's on the big screen! With Samuel L. Jackson! And extra gore! And boobs! And cursing! It gives off this odd aura of Quality for an inexplicable reason, perhaps because the brain cannot process something that bad actually being shown in a theatre.

WE HAVE TO FORM A BARRIER BETWEEN US AND THE SNAKES.
[User Picture]
From:allthelivesofme
Date:August 22nd, 2006 02:49 pm (UTC)
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The bottom line here is that if you have any desire to see this movie, you will enjoy it.

So very true. From what I could tell, everybody in our theater loved it. I make this guess judging by the fact that most everyone yelled right along with the "I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" line.

Good times.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:August 22nd, 2006 02:58 pm (UTC)
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Sadly, I have to agree with those who think that line didn't work at all in the context of the movie because it was so obviously inserted. There was no tension in that scene leading up to it. They're just kind of calmly discussing the possibilities, and then he just rips out with the line, and it's like, "What? You've had it? I suppose I can buy that. Okay."

As I began to think of it, I realized that there's hardly any tension in the movie at all. It's mostly just random scenes of MAYHEM. Which makes the movie fun, but not so well crafted.
[User Picture]
From:incidentist
Date:August 22nd, 2006 03:33 pm (UTC)
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Yes, it was shocking to see it happen in my real presence, as opposed to my online presence, which happens all the time.

There is now a Joe Medusa sculpture as well. He floats on a cloud and has a biggity-biggity balloon bong.

Come to the comedy show with me on Sunday!

...yeah, I'd leer at women too.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:August 22nd, 2006 10:53 pm (UTC)
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Check out what my friend says about the show and you.
[User Picture]
From:tophatter2
Date:August 22nd, 2006 03:57 pm (UTC)
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DON'T YOU KNOW THE ETYMOLOGY OF HYSTERIA?
OMG, THEY HAVE UTERUSES.

Sounds like a good weekend. Have you seen "Björk dances with a cat"? It's awesome! A capella moshing!
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:August 22nd, 2006 04:12 pm (UTC)
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Oh my GOD, that was weird.
[User Picture]
From:apostate_96
Date:August 22nd, 2006 04:16 pm (UTC)
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Great description of S.O.A.P., which I came to courtesy of anifsemajAnif Semaj.
[User Picture]
From:etherealclarity
Date:August 22nd, 2006 05:27 pm (UTC)
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OMG you mentioned me in a LJ entry. I can COMPLETELY die happy now. =D
[User Picture]
From:toughcookie42
Date:August 22nd, 2006 06:32 pm (UTC)
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Release the Kraken sounds awesome. I wish I could see it.

And ditto on your thoughts on SOAP. It is what it is. And Chelsea and I loved every minute of it. However, I don't think I'd see it again, because part of the joy is discovering the movie itself. After that, it becomes a SciFi Original Movie.
[User Picture]
From:jadelynx
Date:August 22nd, 2006 06:58 pm (UTC)
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Your weekend recap failed to point out that you also got to be my "bumbling cabin boy with a heart of gold". (http://jadelynx.livejournal.com/73011.html) Mus'nt forget that. It's crucial. :D
[User Picture]
From:sterope
Date:August 22nd, 2006 10:15 pm (UTC)
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I totally agree about SOAP. If you're going to see a movie about snakes on a motherfucking plane, you have an idea what you're in for, and it sure does deliver. The audience in our theater was so much fun. People cheered and clapped. It was awesome.
[User Picture]
From:miniglik
Date:August 23rd, 2006 03:35 am (UTC)
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I still want to see Snakes on a Plane, and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!
[User Picture]
From:towers_of_ivory
Date:August 23rd, 2006 08:44 am (UTC)
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I seriously believe both you and Dan are gonna be famous one day, for whatever reason. All I ask is that you don't forget me when you're famous & influential. I want to be President!
*snog*
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:August 23rd, 2006 10:59 am (UTC)
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Aw, we won't forget you. But you can't be President, you dirty Aussie.
[User Picture]
From:sail_aweigh
Date:August 23rd, 2006 12:27 pm (UTC)
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1602 rocks. I love Neil Gaiman's stuff. Did you know that they're doing a serial comic of his book Neverwhere? He's not involved with it, but it is based on the book so it can't veer very far. What am I saying, you've been to ComicCon! You should know all. about. it. Still, in case you missed it somehow, I offer you more good stuff to read.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:August 23rd, 2006 12:31 pm (UTC)
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I thought the Neverwhere comic was last year. Or do you mean they're continuing it as a series apart from the book?
[User Picture]
From:jenelope
Date:August 23rd, 2006 12:34 pm (UTC)
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You know who else compared SOAP to a Sci Fi Original? Fox. I'm just saying.

*coughfandomeviltwinscough*
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:August 23rd, 2006 12:36 pm (UTC)
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OH NOES.

To be fair, it's not the most original and/or creative of comparisons, and I think I saw it somewhere else first.

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