The setup: how to pronounce wykbbb. I say, "wick-triple-B." healing fish says, "And with that, a rapper is born."
Never one to take a sentence at anything less than face value, I proceed to post the following:
And all the pipple see
Is all right
Flying high like a kite
She's a snarkstress gal
With her TWoP folk pals
And they write
And they fight
In the night
Like a blight
She likes to eat tomatoes
Sometimes in a salad
So she don't be lookin' pallid
Hey yo, you in the back
You sent your two dollar billz?
Cause wyk, she's got mad skillz
She ain't poppin' no pillz
Her dresses ain't got no frillz
But when she say go
We save the show
Wuh oh oh oh
After a good reception, I decide I should tour with 50 Cent to promote Veronica Mars under the name Two Dollar Bill (healing fish cleverly adds, "Together you'd be 'Tall Coffee at Starbucks.'"). grim squeaker ghettoizes the name into 2$Bill, and the name sticks.
And then, rather than work on my seminar, I get hit with more ridiculous inspiration.
2$Bill comin' at ya with another cut straight outta Neptune, y'all!
So whatchoo jiggas doin' watchin' Veronica Mars
It's a show on UPN got a lotta stars
The kids in the hood drive some hella fly cars
Who's that guy in Metallica? Dude named Lars!
Veronica Mars is this chick PI
Like the cars she drive, the little lady be fly
Mars Investigations logo got a pyramid and eye
And if you the perp in her case, well you best say bye
Maybe you wanna talk about a brother named Wallace
Wallace? Fool, no one cares about Wallace!
topanga cares about Wallace
Who's topanga? Does she got a Xanga?
Man, you just want to banga
Everyone wanna talk about Logan
The most unlikeliest hero since Hogan
But the women, they wanna take him home, and
I'm like, what they be smokin'?
Do they live in Hoboken?
They must be rockin' like Dokken.
Speaking of Dokken, do you know this girl Lilly?
She got her head bashed in all willy-nilly
It could have been her dad or it could have been her momma
Maybe it was Donut or hell, maybe it was Osama
It might even be Weevil
Hey, Weevil ain't evil
That's Wallace upheaval!
You said no one cares about Wallace, fool!
Weevil and Logan stole the hearts of the girls
They write their names in their notebooks with little pen twirls
And when the teacher calls on them
It's like they're suddenly on Jem
They bust out with a song
About just how damn long
They gotta wait for this show
To come back from "Oh no!"
Cause Veronica's screwed
And her mom's kinda rude
But Clarence Wiedman, dude
That guy is more scary
Than Leisure Suit Larry
And that cartoon cat Jerry
You know what I'm sayin'?
Cause I've just been prayin'
My homegirl's okay
And what can I say?
I'll be drinkin' pints
Till March 29th
I'm waiting for my record deal.
Anyway, Mars Investigations is up. It's a site a bunch of us TWoPers have been working on (although I haven't done much besides copy-edit so far). It's geared towards getting newbies caught up with the show in time for the seven-episode rollercoaster beginning next Tuesday. But it's also a great resource for the hardcore fan. And it's snarky. Go, visit, tell your friends, get everyone you know hooked on Veronica Mars, cause I want the ratings on March 29 to go through the fucking roof.
This show is gonna get a boost. The kind of boost that every show should have. I'm gonna get this show a dark, noir second season if I have to kill every single person on the face of the Earth to do it.
In conclusion, Kevin Kline.