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Happy Go Lamby - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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May 4th, 2006


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11:46 am - Happy Go Lamby
Remember the last time I posted a Lamb recap in here? Well, the lovely schnappycat asked me to do it again, and as it turns out, it is the FUNNIEST thing lacietinnc has EVER read, redflora hearts me for always, and I am adored and lurved by several. So I again provide my brilliant humor for you all to consume and then vomit into comments.

Presenting, in several nutshells, the Lamb scenes from "Happy Go Lucky":

Courtroom Scene I
Aaron is lying his ass off in the witness stand. "Oh, it's so HARD being sexy! Young women just throw themselves at me, and I wrestle with my morality like I'd like to wrestle with them in the mud!"

Logan listens.

Behind him, Lamb listens intently and blinks several times. I...think he's batting his eyelashes, actually.

I think he's flirting with Aaron.

Courtroom Scene II
Veronica is not lying her ass off on the witness stand because today is her day to be honest. The dishonesty quotient for this scene is being fulfilled by Mr. Lavoie, Aaron's bald lawyer.

Logan listens.

Behind him, Lamb listens intently...and does not blink at all! I'm very disappointed in him. I would think Veronica would be much more susceptible to the batting-eyelash thing.

Lavoie reveals that Veronica's undergoing treatment for an STD, and Lamb kind of smirks, thinking, "Ha! That's what you get for sleeping with Scott Weiland." But then he realizes he misheard the D as a P, and suddenly the three years of his life he spent thinking his name was Pon make so much more sense.

After court recesses, Keith and Veronica have a touching father/daughter moment. Not the Woody Goodman kind of touching, though. As they leave, Lamb looks wistfully at Veronica, extremely glad he did not hit that.

Before he can think about whether Madison's been tested, a gargantuan bundle of hair attached to a deputy-shaped man summons him to the judge's quarters.

Judge's Pennies Nickels Dimes Quarters

The judge tells Lamb that Leonard Lobo (as in the Big Bad Wolf) has conveniently remembered that Terrence was with him at the time of the crash. Lamb asks if he doesn't want another couple months to think it over, because he's already made up his mind on this case and he doesn't want to be proved wrong by something so prosaic as evidence.

Lobo starts out on how he was watching this nature program about sharks, and he thought, "Hey! My friend Terrence Cook played for the Sharks," and it's the biggest bunch of bullshit ever, and what's hilarious is that Lamb totally knows it. His face says, "Dude, I can concoct better bullshit than this. My three-year-old autistic nephew could concoct better bullshit than this. An actual shark could...I think you get the idea."

You may think the "...I think you get the idea" was authorial intrusion, but in fact, that was actually part of what Lamb's face said. Sometimes, it speaks in ellipses. It's the best way of excreting acne.

Lamb tries to counter, noting that if Lobo takes the stand...actually, I have no idea what his point is here. If it's that it will implicate Terrence in gambling, well, the news that he threw a game is already out, so whatever. If it's that the jury will think he's shady because he owns a casino...Lobo's argument that the jury would actually believe his thugs are his CEO and CFO doesn't hold much water anyway. I don't know what the hell is going on, but Lamb, like Queen Victoria, is not amused.

Courtroom Scene III
Keith. Witness stand. You know the drill.

Lamb. Listening. You know the drill.

Here is a list of things Lamb could be thinking:

"Man. Keith Mars. That's kind of a cool name. Keith...Mars. Don...Lamb. No, that doesn't sound as cool. Don...Mars. Dammit, this Don thing is not working out. I should start going by Donatello again. But not Pon. God, I was such a moron when I was twenty-seven."
"You know, in my day, we didn't have trials. We just waited for planted evidence to lead to a confession, and we just hauled the murderer into jail."
"I hope I remembered to tape America's Next Top Model."
"Sacks's mom acted really weird at the cookout. What was all that about 'a perfectly acceptable lifestyle choice' and 'I hope that law doesn't get passed' and 'Don't you think my boy has a nice ass?'? That lady needs to lay off the tropical fruit wine coolers."
"Still the prettiest."

Of note, when Keith grabs Lavoie by his tie and threatens him, Lamb stands up like he's ready to do whatever he's supposed to do. He doesn't really know, but he figures standing up is the first step.

Outside the Goodman Home
There's a fire truck and a Bomb Squad truck and police cars, and Lamb comes to tell Woody that they found a bomb underneath his car. "Your stalker obviously meant business."

What the hell? Did we just witness Lamb...doing his job? Savor the moment, folks. In addition, savor the sight of Rodney Goodman and Mrs. Goodman in the background.

Sheriff's Office
Keith and Veronica are laying out their Theory of the Week: Woody caused the bus crash to kill Marcos and Peter, two of the kids he molested. They play a recording for Lamb. It is, yet again, not the new Big and Rich.

Lamb listens to their crazy ramblings, more absorbed in his pen than anything else. Because he's just waiting to make a snide remark about the bomb he found under Woody's car, the same type of bomb they found on the bus. Which gives him a new suspect: Lucky. Thank God that just fell into his lap, or he might have actually had to start investigating again.

See, this is how he sees it: Keith is trying to get him to arrest the mayor so that he'll be made a laughingstock. Keith rails into him, asking in disbelief whether his ego is so big that he can make this mass murder about him.

Lamb smiles and leans back in his chair, psychically sending the message, "It's huge. Legendary."

Keith continues to yell at him, urging him not to let a child molester and a murderer get away.

Lamb just looks at him and has a slight lip spasm.

Courtroom Scene IV
Logan describes the sex tape.

Lamb listens, aroused.

Sheriff's Department
The two kids who saw Weevil beat up Thumper come in, and Lamb asks them if they'd like to look at some pictures, and if you're not thinking of Peter Graves asking, "Have you ever seen a grown man naked?" that's okay, because neither did I until just now.

Sheriff's Department, Part Two
Oh, God, they're just mug shots. Whew. The kids identify Weevil, and Lamb smiles. He's really happy about this, so happy in fact that Keith's arrival barely fazes him. His happiness is short-lived, however, for Keith is here to shoot down his "Lucky did it" theory.

Lamb is defeated. He mumbles that he'll go pick Woody up.

In strolls Sacks's moustache, which proclaims, "Bow to me, puny mortals! Be mesmerized by my awesome power! Behold, cretins, the Diabolical Follicle!"

But it comes out sounding like: "I guess you heard. The Echolls trial? The jury reached a verdict."

Courtroom Scene 4,972
Lamb whispers to Keith that Woody has flown the coop, quite literally. Then he sits down to watch justice get served, Neptune style.

Afterwards, he goes home and curls his eyelashes.
Current Mood: busybusy
Current Music: Dresden Dolls - Sex Changes [in my head]

(21 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


From:(Anonymous)
Date:May 4th, 2006 06:56 pm (UTC)
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This is absolutely hilarious. Especially:
I don't know what the hell is going on, but Lamb, like Queen Victoria, is not amused.
Hee. And!
In strolls Sacks's moustache, which proclaims, "Bow to me, puny mortals! Be mesmerized by my awesome power! Behold, cretins, the Diabolical Follicle!"
Man, I want to start a band just so I can name is the Diabolical Follicle.
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From:alliterator
Date:May 4th, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC)
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Ah crap, that was me.
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From:dachelle
Date:May 4th, 2006 06:59 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, everyone's totally going to hate mine next week. You're awesome.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:May 4th, 2006 07:03 pm (UTC)
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Just fill it with Spaced references. At least I'll laugh.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:May 4th, 2006 07:04 pm (UTC)
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Also, I promise that next week, whatever you write will be the FUNNIEST thing someone has EVER read. They're like that over there.
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From:schnappycat
Date:May 4th, 2006 07:05 pm (UTC)
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I am blessed to have a easy-to-please group over there, for sure. Not that your recap isn't worthy of praise or anything. It just makes me laugh that anything makes them squee. I love it.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:May 4th, 2006 07:02 pm (UTC)
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I'm sorry! I like your icon.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:May 4th, 2006 07:21 pm (UTC)
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The girl by that artist whose name I can't remember but someone else on my flist really liked as well.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:May 4th, 2006 07:50 pm (UTC)
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That was my thought as well.
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From:kalbear
Date:May 4th, 2006 07:05 pm (UTC)
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Sometimes, it speaks in ellipses. It's the best way of excreting acne.Eww! And funny.
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From:thetheatremouse
Date:May 4th, 2006 07:21 pm (UTC)
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Dude, you win at life... or maybe just comedy. Anyway, I heart you.
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From:harper47
Date:May 4th, 2006 08:13 pm (UTC)
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Bwah!!!!! Kudos on a very entertaining and witty post. I love all the Lamb listens moments. Hee, hee.
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From:shutterbug1
Date:May 4th, 2006 08:26 pm (UTC)
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Hee. I like the bookends of Lamb's eyelashes - seeing them in flirtatious action at the beginning, then being conscientiously maintained at the end.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:May 4th, 2006 08:31 pm (UTC)
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My Lamb recaps are high lit-e-ra-ture, don't you know?
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From:chaotic4life
Date:May 4th, 2006 09:53 pm (UTC)
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Yeah! What can I say! You're IT!
Loved Lambs thoughts about Keith!

You made me laugh! You rock!

~ are you sure he wasn't taping LOST?
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From:esren8
Date:May 4th, 2006 11:05 pm (UTC)

HA!!!!!!!

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I am laughing too hard to type. This is a wonderful development because yesterday after rewatching the scenes from VM 2.21 that didn't waste my time (exactly 3 minutes and 43 seconds of the ep) I was clenching the remote so hard I almost broke it. Laughing is much much better.

Thanks!!!
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From:spectralbovine
Date:May 4th, 2006 11:09 pm (UTC)

Re: HA!!!!!!!

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Glad to be of service!
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From:iheartbridges
Date:May 5th, 2006 03:49 am (UTC)
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He doesn't really know, but he figures standing up is the first step.
Hee.

"It's huge. Legendary."
Thanks, Doogie.

In other news, has MM's statue appeared on set yet?
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From:spectralbovine
Date:May 5th, 2006 03:53 am (UTC)
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Thanks, Doogie.
Doogie? I was going for Weevil.

In other news, has MM's statue appeared on set yet?
Oh, I forgot to look! I haven't heard about it.

*hugs*
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From:iheartbridges
Date:May 5th, 2006 03:56 am (UTC)
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Doogie? I was going for Weevil.
Oh yeah. That works, too. But HIMYM is such that I see "legendary," I hear Neil Patrick Harris.

*hugs back*
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From:cindywrites
Date:May 6th, 2006 04:40 pm (UTC)
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I missed this when you posted it, but it made my morning. HA!!!

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