What the frak was that? No, really...what the frak was that? I...don't know what to say.
It was like a string of anticlimaxes tied around a basket of WTF.
I'm glad Dean Stockwell's a Cylon, and I hope we see his model again. He's very amusing. I am pretty annoyed that we didn't actually get to see the Cylon Revolution, but I understand that the show's not about them and "Downloaded" was a gift. It would make their "Oh, yeah, our bad" a little easier to swallow, though.
The election-rigging plot was pretty good, and it showed us a bit of the old Dualla. Plus, it gave Gaeta something to do. And it provided for one of those delicious moral dilemmas the show relishes. Very nice conversation between Adama and Roslin.
Why didn't Sharon tell anyone about the Cylon coming back with them? Is it her time for suicidal angst? Does the show care anymore? Helo does, the poor sap.
Why is the planet named New Caprica? What about the other eleven colonies? Is there a Caprican majority? And where the hell did Baltar pick up a British accent?
By the way, I'm going to miss seeing the CYLON-OCCUPIED CAPRICA card. CYLON-OCCUPIED NEW CAPRICA doesn't have the same ring to it. But I get ahead of myself.
Baltar and Gina, huh? Nicely done scene there with the intercutting. My uncle commented that the music made it sound like he was going to his death. If he only knew.
And then. KABOOM.
The awful thing about Baltar is you realize that he's actually crying for his dead girlfriend, not for however many people died in the blast.
But he's just as great a president as expected: "I don't have to listen; I'm the President!" What are you, five? Yes, he's five. And he has no idea how to handle a responsibility like that.
Up until the nuclear blast, the episode has been distinctly unexciting with some good moments, but it is at this point that the episode goes to hell.
The last half hour is like some sort of cracked-out fanfic AU thing.
ONE. YEAR. LATER.
Okay: nicely done transition, I'll give them that. But Jesus Christ, what a wasted opportunity to show us...I don't know, EVERYTHING. They never even told us the extent of the destruction from the nuclear blast. I don't know; I can understand that maybe showing us a broken, torn-apart race trying to rebuild a civilization in the wake of political upheaval could be boring. OR MAYBE NOT. I feel like way too much happened in this episode in order to get them to the finale cliffhanger. It was like we were being told a story rather than watching it. They could have cut some of the filler eps out and stretched this content out longer to A) make it more exciting and interesting and B) ease the transition (when I said "nicely done" I meant in respect to what they were going for).
Now: what the HELL happened to everyone?
Gaeta is the new Billy, and Helo is the new Gaeta. Adama has a really bad mustache. Kara has longer hair and is MARRIED to Anders?! MARRIED? Because their relationship is based on love and trust and not, say, survivor sex? Doc Cottle managed to age TEN YEARS in the course of 380 days? Chief never shaves anymore, and he's now knocked up Cally? Lee and Dee are STILL TOGETHER?! Because they have ANY REASON TO BE TOGETHER? Roslin is a schoolteach—wait, that one makes sense.
So the Cylons arrive, as of course they were always going to, but why? What happened to "Our bad"? What happened to AND THEY HAVE A PLAN? Was it all lies?
And, see, by this time, I've become so disillusioned with the show that I can't even appreciate the utter coolness that I know is coming, of however many Cylon models are going to walk through that door. First: Doral! Second: Sharon! Third: Six! Is it Six? I think it is. Oh, it is. But I can't even appreciate this moment either because nothing makes sense anymore.
Now the Cylons just want to subjugate humanity for the fun of it? Because it's cool?
One thing I did love was that it all went right back to Baltar again, and you can see that horrifying realization dawn on him when he learns that it was Gina's nuke, the one that he gave to her, that alerted the Cylons to their location. But for some reason it took an ENTIRE YEAR for them to bother to pay a visit?
I really don't know what to say. Do I chalk it up to a bad viewing environment? I don't know what the frakking hell happened to my show, and I don't know where they're going with this, and I won't have that hard a time waiting till October now. Which is unfortunate because I really wanted to be awesomed by this finale.
Props to Bear McCreary, though. The music was excellent throughout.