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Round Robin - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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December 10th, 2005

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01:27 am - Round Robin
Tonight in the VM4, miniglik asked for some writing tips:

And for the writers, how the HELL do you start?

There's so many little things I want to write, but it's like I just can't get the "structure" down. I have little bits and pieces and characters, and I just can't get any cohesive plots.

I responded thusly:

Fuck the plots at first. What really helps get the juices flowing is freewriting. Just turn off your conscious mind, step into the head of one of your characters, and just start typing without censoring yourself. You'll make fabulous typos and not punctuate properly, but the places you go will astound you. Sometimes unearthing your characters' secrets will inspire the direction for your plot.

xxxaimsxxxAimeeLou said:

I love to write random conversations and exchanges.

And, well...the results were interesting and entertaining. I've added italics to help distinguish the speakers.


"It's not like your mother will even notice."
"Notice? She noticed when I scratched my nose in the dark."
"She could hear it?"
"No, she could feel the breeze my arm made as it passed through the air."
"Maybe she's like a fly. Sensitive to movement."
"Is there a mom swatter on the market?"
"Yes. They call it Coming Out."


"Mom, I've got some news."
"Good or bad?"
"Well, I'm not quite sure. I’m pregnant."
"Excuse me, you're what?"
"I can't believe this. You're only seventeen.
"Mary had Jesus at like, fourteen."
"Mary was married!"
"Do you want me to get married?"
"Mary had God! I really don't think you come close to that!"
"Why do you always have to be so judgmental?! Gosh!!"


"You know what? You're mental."
"Mental as in crazy or mental as in intellectual?"
"Both. You're a crazy intellectual."
"Why, because I think a lot?"
"No, because you think so very little. I don't think you think at all. I think the thoughts think themselves up, and you're the unfortunate storage facility."
"Maybe it's not so unfortunate. If I'm really the repository of self-creating thoughts, I could come up with some pretty nifty ideas."
"Yeah, but your thoughts all suck. Intellectually. Plus, you're completely transparent."
"Whatever. Bet you can't guess what I'm thinking right now."
"'Bet she can't guess what I'm thinking right now.'"


"I know this is going to sound like the lead-in to a really cheesy pick up line, but . . . you look SO familiar."
"Yeah, well I volunteer a lot. I'm always around."
"Really? Where you been lately?"
"Well, I've been teaching sex ed to some teens at the local Y."
"Hmm, well you know what they say, 'Those who can't do, teach.' "


"Let's talk about sex, baby."
"Let's talk about you and me?"
"No, just you. You are The Sex."
"Well, that's very flattering. What does that make you?"
"I am The Violence."
"Together, we fight crime!"
"We are two-thirds of SVU."
"What's U?"
"I am The Violence."


"How did you . . umm . . how should I put this?"
"Come into being?"
"Umm, yeah. No offense or anything."
"Oh, none taken. You see, my mom was a twenty-two year old drunk who got up one day and decided she wanted a kid. My dad was an eighteen year old kid who wanted to bang a twenty-two year old drunk. One trip to the back of his mom's Astrovan- or as I so lovingly call it “The White Trash Sperm Bank”- and nine months later, here I am."
"I really wish you wouldn't talk about it like that."
"What? It's the truth. Dad hates when I talk about S-E-X, which is weird considering he's hit on almost every one of my friends, twice."
"It's not like I knew they were your friends at the time."
"No, they were only in my apartment, my car, seated at the same table as I was-"
"Ok, enough family share time."

Now, we have to go back to the sex ed dialogue, because with a little help, we actually started creating what turned into a veritable scene. It was pretty sweet.


"I know this is going to sound like the lead-in to a really cheesy pick up line, but . . . you look SO familiar."
"Yeah, well I volunteer a lot. I'm always around."
"Really? Where you been lately?"
"Well, I've been teaching sex ed to some teens at the local Y."
"Hmm, well you know what they say, 'Those who can't do, teach.' "

fishinginthemudhealing fish:

"You...really aren't trying to pick me up, I see."
"What, were you hoping otherwise?"
"Well, no, because I saw you scratch your ear in a decidedly unsexy way when you walked in, and I don't think I want to get mixed up in that."
"Dammit. I knew I shouldn't have left the house without swabbing this morning."
"You had plenty of time for coffee, though. Good lord. Mint?"


"You put it in your mouth, and I'll get it out with my tongue."
"Sweet Jesus, are you mental?"
"Mental as in—"


"What's your problem? What did I do that was so terrible?"
". . ."
"Cat got your tongue? Dog got your vocal folds? Come on, what do you want from me? Flowers?"
"Flowers die."
"Makes you fat."
"So what do you want?"
"To be mad."

spectralbovine...and I think I got the characters mixed up here, which...may have actually made it work better:

"You want to be mad, fine. You do understand that anger feeds on itself, growing larger only to engage in self-cannibalism to replenish its nutrients of rage and grow larger still, right?"
"I stopped listening after 'that.'"
"That's so typical of you."
"I stopped listening after 'that' again."
"Did 'that' kill your mom?"
"I stopped listening after—"
"How does it feel?"
"To be mad."


"Not as bad as you make it seem."
"Oh really? Why am I talking to you?"
"Well, you came over here first. This what you had in mind? Smashing good job!"
"Don't toy with me. I'm not in the mood."
"And when are you in the mood? Because from what I've seen, it's damn near close to never."
"Oh yeah, well maybe you just don't look hard enough. Do you know the definition of 'subtle'?"
"So that's what you are? Subtle."
"Yeah, well I'm not you."
"Good to know."
"Well from now on, you can just call me Mr. Webster."


"So now you're a dictionary? A font of vocabularical and etymological knowledge?"
"Vocabularical? Is that even a word?"
"You tell me, Mr. fucking Webster."
"Survey says no. In addition, shut the fuck up."
"That's the sort of insult I'd expect from a very profane five-year-old. Except without the 'in addition.'"
"I stopped listening after 'that.'"


"Want to make out?"


"Where's that mint?"
Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: Of Montreal - Sad Love

(13 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")


[User Picture]
Date:December 10th, 2005 06:28 am (UTC)
That was quite amusing and creative. Hee.
[User Picture]
Date:December 10th, 2005 08:09 am (UTC)
I think we swap the characters around a couple times. As far as I'm concerned, it completely works, it's just not the same as it was first recognized in my head.
[User Picture]
Date:December 10th, 2005 03:54 pm (UTC)
Yeah, when I did it, it was the guy who initially had the "I stopped listening" thing, which meant he was repeating it later on. How it turned out was that he picked it up from the chick, which actually makes it a perfect stimulus for her to want to make out with him.
[User Picture]
Date:December 10th, 2005 08:22 am (UTC)
Jesu, I'm dizzy.
This? Good.
[User Picture]
Date:December 10th, 2005 01:58 pm (UTC)
Seriously, another "heh!" from me.
[User Picture]
Date:December 10th, 2005 02:47 pm (UTC)
Hee. That was awesome.
[User Picture]
Date:December 10th, 2005 03:06 pm (UTC)
I love dialogues. At least, I love good ones. And those are good. :-)
[User Picture]
Date:December 10th, 2005 04:22 pm (UTC)
That was truly awesome :)
[User Picture]
Date:December 10th, 2005 10:59 pm (UTC)
You people are all brilliant. And mental.
[User Picture]
Date:December 12th, 2005 04:15 am (UTC)
Mental as in crazy or mental as in intellectual?
[User Picture]
Date:December 11th, 2005 09:29 pm (UTC)

This is awesome. I so wish I was there when it happened.
[User Picture]
Date:December 12th, 2005 07:04 am (UTC)
I miss all the good stuff.
[User Picture]
Date:December 13th, 2005 10:53 pm (UTC)
Hahaha. That was great.

And SVU might as well stand for "Sex, Violence, and U"

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