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So, I have chosen a Veronica Mars episode...um, from the first season, just so there'll be no spoilers. And I am going to commentate on it, and it's up to you to guess which episode, and which scene, I am commentating on.
Oh, I really don't know what to say on commentaries; I guess I'm just like most people. So...and I can't really tell you what's going on, or else you'll know. Kristen Bell is really pretty. That doesn't help you at all. She's holding a cup of coffee. It looks like that kinda, that kind of cup you get in, like, any coffee shop with like the generic—it's got a little, you know that logo, and—oh, it's a commercial.
We're back, and oh, it's Keith, stirring...coffee! It's connected, those scenes were connected by coffee. That's kind of a metaphor, in that Veronica drinks coffee, and in a completely different location, Keith is drinking coffee right after the commercial break. It ties those scenes together temporally, even though in the initial airing, they would be separated by ads about condoms, and vacuum cleaners, and the latest crappy movie.
Wait, slow motion. See, that's when a—Oh, wait, flashback! I can't explain who's in the flashback, or else you'll know. This probably a really stupid game, because if I really did what I was supposed to be doing, it would be an easy game.
She's got her hair in a ponytail now. See, in the future, she doesn't. That's also a metaphor, 'cause ponytails are tight, which means Veronica's stressed...and...when her hair is down, it means she's feeling free and relaxed. There's a dart board in the background.
This UPN logo here, it's kind of projecting out, as if it's going to...jump, you know, that—what is that, 90, 180, 225 degrees, maybe? Right, it's kinda a 225-degree angle there.
Oh, we're back! See, you see the hair? It's different. Oh, oh, is this Steve Holt? This should be Steve Holt; they should've totally gotten Steve Holt for this scene.
That guy's kind of geeky with his orange shirt and his blue, like, jacket-y thing. They don't really match at all; he's kind of like me. I, I probably have better color-coordination skills than this guy.
Aw, Veronica's being a ditz; she always does this. So that doesn't help you either, cause, see, Veronica's ditzy in a lot of episodes.
Porn? This guy just said "porn." There's a clue.
Oh, people are clapping. Look at this geek guy—oh, hey, what kind of Coke, drink is that? It's a red little can; I couldn't tell if it was like that...is it Pax? What the hell kind of drink is Pax? Max, I think it's Max. He's drinking Max, baby.
Ah, see this wide shot, so you can see all the characters. And then you kinda go to a closer shot, so you can see the act—oh, closer now, and then back wide, and then—look at that, look at that editing there. I think it really pulls you into the scene.
Oh! So you notice all the extras. Oh, that guy is pretty cool.
Wait wait wait, oh! This is where, uh, my friend, my friend is in this episode actually. She's an extra. Right over here, I'm going to try to point her out, if I can see her. That's not, no, that's a guy. Um, that's her, I think, right there! Yeah, that's her, I just saw her. There she is, talking to that girl in the yellow. You know, she's looking, like, laughing. Her name is Sarah, in case you wanted to know, and I know her, and she's in this episode of Veronica Mars. But she didn't even know, like, what the hell it was. She did—She made fun of it, and thought it was really crappy, and thought it was some Disney-type thing, and I was really mad at her, and I wanted to kill her. But I think that she, when she actually watched the episode she was in, she thought it was an okay show. But it's no fair that she didn't even know what the hell it—It was filmed at her high school, so they, uh, got her as an extra.
And she was totally dissing, like, TV acting and stuff like that, like, they wouldn't let, they would kind of point and tell you—Oh, there she is again! WIth her, with her friend in the yellow. Uh, and how it's different from film acting and theatre acting, and she was all ragging on it, but I don't think she got to see Kristen in her better scenes, and didn't realize that it was Kristen acting as Veronica acting as a ditz kind of thing, so, anyway, I guess when you don't know what's—Hey, is that an Xterra on the little, no, it's big like, maybe that's a Humvee on that little locker picture right there? Uh, it's yellow, though, just like Logan's, though; it's very Logan yellow, in that little ad.
There's a handicap bathroom? Wow, what do you know.
Ah, it's the Donnas. That's probably a big clue. Dammit. Ah, see, we're in an exterior now, so I guess that's California. It's green—Oh, oh, check out that crane shot, dude! Look at that, oh man. How majestic, yet so wicked awesome.
Ah, Weevil, with his tatt—his tattoo, how many tattoos does he have? Like, it's coming out of his shirt, and you can see, like, the head of, like, because his neckline is so low.
Right now, I'm just trying to think of things to say; I'm not actually watching the scene; it's not like the best scene ever or something like that.
Yeah, the guy's got a hat? What the hell, what the hell kind of tattoo is this? It's like a, he's got a tattoo of a crazy fisherman?
Oh, whoa, really wide shot—oh, whoa, that girl is laugh—that's good acting by that extra.
Kristen is wearing pink. Kind of light pinkish, uh. Little spar—Hey, it's a truck. White truck. Toyota Tacoma. That's what this guy is driving. A Toyota Tacoma. Oh, he's got a Livestrong armband on. I never noticed that.
I think we're going to into a new location now, probably. Oh! Voiceover, Mars Investigations. The number is 555-0137. If you ever want to call Mars Investigations, that's the number to call. Ah, and there's that thing, that thing that looks like abstract art, but it actually looks like it's kind of a picture of railings or something, right above her couch.
Ah, uh, there's a, I guess that's a jukebox. And...I have a feeling this is gonna end soon, I don't know why it hasn't cut me off yet. You only get five minutes on this thing. Maybe it's longer now. I don't know how long I can take this fucking thing. Did they lengthen the amount of post time.
Ah, Kristen is angry. She does the acting well, you see. That's a giant clue, because she was only acting well in one episode all last season. For the rest of the season, she sucked ass, totally. Oh, she's sad, and she's going to cry. Oh, and now it's going to make me cry.
Whoosh, flashback sound. Oh, it's this guy, bringing a...it's got stars, and—oh, wow, just like that Shelly Pomroy's party, that's where he got that wrapping paper. He wanted to remind her of Shelly Pomroy's party. Ah, "thank you," she's so sincere. Her hair is different now, it's kind of straight; it's not as, uh, flowing, as it was in the early—oh, she's wearing pink and black. Is that a cactus in the back? They've got a cactus in Mars Investigations?
Now, these two characters are going to have a conversation. I cannot tell you what the character is. Or who the character is.
I think I've gone on long enough; I don't want to subject you to more, and I pretty much only recorded this because people like my voice for some reason, and they like to hear it. One way to hear it would be to call me. Another way would be to have listened to this. Now that you have, it's your turn to guess what episode of Veronica Mars this was, and what scenes was I just describing.
Hey, I think Wallace is drinking Max too. Just like that other kid. That's brilliant. Go, Rick.