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There's a First Time for Everything - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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April 4th, 2012

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11:43 pm - There's a First Time for Everything
So this one time at Theater Pub I met this cute girl who was very fun and seemed to enjoy my company. And I almost asked her out but did not get the chance.

So I stared at my e-mail for a few days and contemplated asking her out directly but settled on expressing a desire to see her again and seeing how that went. Her response—several days later—did not really seem like she'd taken it as a request for a date, but we did go to a show on Saturday night. I bought her a muffin, and she was so surprised and appreciative, it was adorable. I made her laugh a lot. And I almost asked her out but did not get the chance.

On Sunday, I saw her again because she was performing. And I almost asked her out but did not get the chance.

Finally, I decided, screw it, and sent an e-mail that night:

If you hadn't left early tonight, I would have done this in person, but I thought it was time to be direct.

[Name], I would like to take you out on a date. Would you like to go on a date with me?

(I actually used her name. I did not put "[Name]" in the e-mail. Just for the record.)

Then I fell into a deep, dark hole for days as I imagined how terrible and unlovable a person I was. I beat myself up until even I got tired of it.

Finally, this afternoon, while in line for the Cabin in the Woods screening, I got her response:

Well thank you Sunil for being direct! I do enjoy your company but I'm not interested in dating.

To my surprise, since it was the answer I was expecting and had beat myself up over anyway, it didn't actually hurt that much to get confirmation. Was she not interested in dating in general or simply not interested in dating me? Why? What was wrong with me? I found I didn't really care.

Alas! Then let us continue to enjoy each other's company.

So that happened.
Current Mood: giddygiddy
Current Music: Nine Inch Nails - Last

(11 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")


[User Picture]
Date:April 5th, 2012 07:21 am (UTC)

Wow, good for you!

I recently stumbled through a clumsy asking-someone-out speech before the person sort of amusedly got to tell me they didn't really date people of my gender much.


Then I was like 'uh let's hang out anyway' as endearingly as I could and that seems like it might work out OK.
[User Picture]
Date:April 5th, 2012 07:23 am (UTC)


I recently stumbled through a clumsy asking-someone-out speech before the person sort of amusedly got to tell me they didn't really date people of my gender much.
Oh, luckily I managed to suss out that part before I asked out this other girl I had a crush on.
[User Picture]
Date:April 5th, 2012 01:02 pm (UTC)
Hooray for bravery!

Dating, unfortunately, can be something of a game of numbers. Putting yourself out there can suck, but realizing that rejection isn't the end of the world can be really liberating. I've been there.
[User Picture]
Date:April 5th, 2012 01:43 pm (UTC)
Enjoying the company of women, and women enjoying your company, is a good pair of states. I understand there are plenty of folks out there who don't actually like the members of the opposite sex and would rather treat them, in subtle or not-so-subtle ways, as non-people.

Honesty and amiability: don't take them for granted. They're assets to your life now, and will be even more so when someone loves everything else you are. :-)
[User Picture]
Date:April 5th, 2012 01:44 pm (UTC)
You get two thumbs up from me, for having far more guts that I ever could.
[User Picture]
Date:April 5th, 2012 02:24 pm (UTC)
It took me years to get to this point. I guess I'm just tired of not asking. I guess technically the first time was in college when I e-mailed the incredibly pretty girl at the front desk of the library and asked her if she'd like to have coffee sometime and she never responded until I saw her a week later and she said she'd meant to reply to tell me that she "couldn't," whatever that meant, but this was the first time I had ever been this ridiculously direct.
[User Picture]
Date:April 6th, 2012 10:07 pm (UTC)
I guess I'm just tired of not asking.

Kind of cool when that happens, isn't it?

And you're right, it doesn't matter why she said no. It matters that you asked, and that was brave, and now you have an answer so you can stop worrying about it and go be brave elsewhere. Well done. *fist bump*
[User Picture]
Date:April 5th, 2012 02:41 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:April 5th, 2012 02:44 pm (UTC)

Not going to lie.

Every time you send a comment my way, I fangirl to an unhealthy level.
[User Picture]
Date:April 5th, 2012 03:56 pm (UTC)
I think it's great you asked and now you have a great friend that you can go out with and do things with, without that awkward 'should I or shouldn't I ask her out or does she consider this date, etc?' type anxiety.

As for her not dating, there could be a million reasons and she obviously likes your personality or she wouldn't want to be friends. The physical portion or sexual attraction isn't really something you can control, (ie, you can't control whom your attracted to, only what you do about it, etc.)

Not being someone's type absolutely doesn't mean that something's wrong with you anymore than someone else not being *your* type means that they're something wrong with them! (Unless you're trying to imply that someone not being your type means there's something glaringly and horribly wrong with that person. Heh.)

Anyway, now you can relax and be yourself with a cute girl, without the anxiety's of worrying about whether you should ask her out or whether she thinks it's a date, etc and you can be yourself whose company she obviously already enjoys :)

[User Picture]
Date:April 6th, 2012 01:05 am (UTC)
Good on you for having the nerve to go the direct route! Even though it didn't end how you would've liked, it'll hopefully make it that little bit easier to ask next time.

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