March 23rd, 2010
|12:39 am - Boys and Girls|
He gives you a hug upon your arrival.
She remembers meeting you last time, and you exchange names again. You tell her to come see your show, but she is already going with him. She talks Looney Tunes with you.
He hugs you from behind and playfully rubs his hands across your chest. You hold his arms against you as a joke, but it's more than any woman has done in over a year. He says you're cuddly, but he likes girls. You say you do too, but he's nice. He says that actually, you've got some nice muscle definition. You say that's unexpected.
She says you should switch; you'd be cute together.
He was Attending, but he didn't.
She was Attending, and she came. She looks good dressed up.
She was only Maybe Attending, and she didn't come.
She gives you a big hug for coming.
You tell her she was really good, and she thanks you and returns the compliment, as she saw the show on Saturday.
She says she's not good at making small talk, and you say you're not either. You just wait for people to talk to you. She declares that you're a girl, and you agree, you're a girl in a man's body. You're going out more to improve your skills, but when it comes right down to it, you suck at it. You don't want to bother people. Their lives are perfectly fine without you in it. She says you enrich people's lives by being in them.
He knows your name for some reason, because he's been told that you and he are reading the same book. He pulls Soulless out of his bag, and you pull it out of your pocket. She cannot believe that you both have it on your person; it must mean something. He recommends you Red-Headed Stepchild, and you recommend him Rosemary and Rue.
You offer him a ride back to the East Bay, but he's going to be staying for another hour. He says it's very kind of you, though.
You see her checking bus times and offer her a ride against her protestations that she lives in the complete opposite direction from you. You remind her that she's your castmate.
She says it was very nice to see you again, and she'll see you on Saturday.
He guesses he'll see you later this week.
She's impressed with the number of people you've gotten to come to the show. You have a lot of people who love you. She says you're perfect for the part, and you add a lot to the show. You really appreciate it. She asks if you'll do other shows. You don't know who else would have you. She says that's not the way to look at it. She thanks you for the nice company. You say that's part of the fun.
You drive home alone and watch television alone and write this post alone before going to sleep alone. The ephemeral high of human connection often results in the sickening crash of reality. What lasting impression did you leave on her? On him? When will all the hers and hims become she and you?
Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: Snow Patrol - Wow
Hang in there, baby.
Spectral, that was pretty tough to follow; nearly as chaotic as the whitewater which was my second love (after science fiction).
These are conflicted, uncertain times you are going through.
I hear between the lines of your writing, that there are important matters of the real world to be attended, versus losing your sense of direction, looking for a sense of identity in the two novels you mentioned. You can waste a lot of your life, devoting your attention to worlds which only exist on the page, or the screen, and the shared imaginations of fans.
Are you a straight girl in a man's body, or a Lesbian in a man's body?
Who is SHE, to tell you these things? Another performer? Audience? Ease up on her, and try again later, with less intensity. Girls often have a slow fuse when it comes to relationships, and may run away if you are too direct. Guys too, probably.
So what, if you suck at your current attempts to cultivate a friendship?. It's like learning to ride a bicycle: at first you suck at it, you don't go far, or fast, or you crash and get wounded. At first you bleed, but you learn from your mistakes. Don't focus too intensely; over-control is a recipe for an involuntary dismount.
Theater should be a good environment to learn these things... keep up the good work.
She says you enrich people's lives by being in them.
You have a lot of people who love you.
Keep on trucking, Sunilcow. You are a great, thoughtful, funny, intelligent guy. You are someone that people want to know and want to be friends with. I can't imagine any better way to meet a girl than meeting new people through stuff like this and using them to expand your circles and to connect with more people. I bet you One Million Dollars* that one day one set of people will introduce you to another set which will magically include a charming young lady who is also super charmed by you.
*to be redeemed in cupcakes if i lose (at $4 a cupcake that's 250,000 cupcakes)
|Date:||March 23rd, 2010 04:42 pm (UTC)|| |
This is lovely and sad and strangely haunting.
Thank you. I was struggling with how best to both capture how I felt and document what actually happened. Maybe in a year I won't remember who all the pronouns refer to. Maybe I will.
I loved this...and the last bit crucified me.
I love that you didn't add names too. It adds to the intimacy and, oddly enough, the distance.
I really enjoyed this, the descriptions, the interwovenness, and then 'home alone to ponder' of it.
Just keep doing what you're doing. Eventually the sickening crashes will give way to cuddly good times. I hope for you. *hugs*
That was very poignant.
I hope you find the geek girl of your dreams someday.
Dude......this stuff is really not that hard and not worthy of all this angst. You just have to know what you're doing...hit me up on email sometime (my username at gmail) if you want to discuss. I still owe you for getting me into that Who eps community, haha.