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A Call from the Coke Sprite - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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August 5th, 2005


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01:46 pm - A Call from the Coke Sprite
VoicePost
1054K 5:00
“Hi! I'm here at the World of Coca-Cola in Atlanta, GA and I'm gonna to use up my five minutes and tell you everything I've learned about the magical world of Coke. Coke, as you may well know, is the nectar of the Gods. It was invented in 1885 or maybe 1886 or something like 1880-something by, uh, John Pemberton. He used his botantical knowledge to create the super secret formula of Coke and he called it, uh, Coke. He actually didn't call it Coke, that comes later. So, he took this syrup down to this place called Jacob's Pharmacy and he's like, "Look at this syrup, it might be good if you put it with water." And they were like, "Alright." So they put the water in the coke and they make a little coke thing. And legend has it that they, uh, accidently put soda water (the carbonated water) with the thing and gave it a customer and the customer was like, "Woah, this stuff is off the hook." Except, they probably didn't say 'off the hook' because they didn't say 'off the hook' back in 1880-whatever. Anyway. Then they're like, "We've got this cool new drink on our hands and... we should sell it." And this guy named Frank something-something, not Frank Lloyd Wright but Frank Mcow--I don't know something with Frank. He drew this little Coca-Cola logo, that you all know so well, with his own handwriting. He said he called it Coca-Cola because it has like two C's and that makes it really cool. They kinda skimmed over the fact that it used to have cocaine-- I don't know, maybe-maybe that's an urban legend because they don't actually mention the fact that the coca comes from the cocaine or whatever. Maybe there actually was no cocaine, it's all a big joke. But he liked the alliteration I guess and so they started selling it and then, yeah, it was a big hit. And, then, there was a thing with the bottles. These guys were like, "Hey let's put it in bottles..." The guy was like, "That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. Here you can do it for like a $1." He sold the rights for bottling for, like, a $1 and then bottling was a hit. So that means people are stupid. And then they had the bottles and the bottles were all imitated with all these other different types of thousands of sodas. Then they invented the contour bottle that you all know so well and they patented that. And later there were cans, probably... And, uh, they had--Oh and there was coke. Oh, right. And, so like, in 19-something or other there was this whole big deal that people were calling Coca-Cola Coke and, so, they, uh, they had this little sprite, this little fiary dude who was like, "I'm called Coke. I embody the spirit and refreshingness that is Coca-Cola." [Ed comment: Continued in comments because it's TOO FREAKING LONG]”

Transcribed by: raelee

(27 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


From:metabeta
Date:August 5th, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC)
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And I'm in a gift shop...and then what! I feel unconcluded.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:August 7th, 2005 03:47 am (UTC)
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"For $859.00, you can buy a cooler."
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From:carpedi7
Date:August 5th, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC)
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Wow, I always wanted to know how coke came to be. Thanks. ;) By the way you are hilarious. :) Especially loved the "That means that people are stupid" comment. Max Headstrom sold out? How dare the disembodied head sell out? You must do more phone posts during your vacation. You must!
From:hobviously
Date:August 5th, 2005 06:12 pm (UTC)
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My life is changed.
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From:debetesse
Date:August 5th, 2005 06:32 pm (UTC)
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I ::heart:: Snopes

http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/cocaine.asp

More than you ever wanted to know.
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From:schnappycat
Date:August 5th, 2005 06:23 pm (UTC)
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Hee. And hee. Thanks for some education and a good laugh today.
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From:raelee
Date:August 5th, 2005 06:51 pm (UTC)

Transcribing Cont.

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[see beginning above]

And, uh, they had--Oh and there was coke. Oh, right. And, so like, in 19-something or other there was this whole big deal that people were calling Coca-Cola Coke and, so, they, uh, they had this little sprite, this little fiary dude who was like, "I'm called Coke. I embody the spirit and refreshingness that is Coca-Cola." And, um, they were like, "Woah, I'm going to embrace this whole Coke name." Coke = Coca-Cola and Coca=Cola = Coke. It's an equation. It's transitive property. And they were calling everything Coke and... what else was there? All this different advertising and stuff. Oh, Strega, this one's for you. I specifically saw a little Max Headroom advertisement that was like "Catch the Wave." So, yeah, Max Headroom sold out and sold Coke but I'll forgive him because, you know, even though I expect more from my disembodied heads Coke is a good, a good cause... because I love it. And it's all around the world and we learned about that. All around the world, they were, like, taking over a world. And there were seven trillion, seven trillion drinks have been sold since it's first started. They sell like 15,000 drinks a second all across the world in however many damn countries. And, what else have I learned? Coke is red. Well, I already knew that but they made lots of things red. Coca-cola marketing genius, that's one thing. These guys are marketing geniuses. I mean, they made all this money off this one little drink. oh, and the new Coke thing, 1995. They had new coke and it was like for three months and everyone hated new coke and they wanted old coke back. Apparently, they interrupted General Hospital to tell the World that the old coke was back as Coca-Cola Classic and 18,000 customers were like, "Thank you, thank you. We wanted our new-cough- we wanted our old coke back so much that we would have..." Yeah, people are crazy. And, well we already knew that so what have I really learned? I learned a lot about Coke, John Pemberton, Frank McCalis or whatever. We also tried a whole bunch of cokes and stuff from around the world. The best drink is in Italy. It is a bitter apertif called Beverly. And, it's fun. But you go and you drink it and it tastes like crap. Like it's incred-- it's just bad, I don't ev--I can't describe it. It probably just tastes like Alker Selzer or whatever. But it's really bitter and... Oh! The Fanta girls: Lola, Sohpia, and Kiki and... yeah, it's Beverly and it's fun to watch everyone's reaction because they're all like "ahh, ughh, uhhh, omigosh." It's funny. Here this is a--I'm in the gift shop. For ad--for aiding---
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From:raelee
Date:August 5th, 2005 06:52 pm (UTC)
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Heh. You've made me smarter.
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From:foresthouse
Date:August 5th, 2005 07:11 pm (UTC)
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Wow. I admire your transcription diligence!
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From:spectralbovine
Date:August 7th, 2005 03:49 am (UTC)

Re: Transcribing Cont.

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Hot damn, Rae, you rock! I was hoping someone would transcribe that bitch, so I wouldn't have to. And you even left in all the "uh"s and repeated words! You are so awesome!

Quick note: new Coke was in 1985, not 1995. And what I was actually saying at the end was "eight," as in "$895.00, you can buy a cooler."

And you even came up with a nice title! You win at transcription.
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From:raelee
Date:August 7th, 2005 08:21 am (UTC)

Re: Transcribing Cont.

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Haha! Well, you always transcribe mine so I figured I'd return the favor.

Dammit on the 1985. I knew I had it wrong and I was gonna go check it (as I checked the spelling of Pemberton) but I forgot before posting. Ahhh, EIGHT. I listened to the end like 10 times to try and figure out the word. Ah, well... wait a minute. $895?!?! Is that like a walk-in cooler for that price?
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From:spectralbovine
Date:August 7th, 2005 01:25 pm (UTC)

Re: Transcribing Cont.

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No, it's normal-size. But it's vintage! Or something.

Also, perfect icon.
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From:toughcookie42
Date:August 5th, 2005 07:01 pm (UTC)
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They sell like 15,000 drinks a second.

Thanks in no small part to me.
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From:marlo
Date:August 5th, 2005 07:04 pm (UTC)
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Wow, dude. You can talk. I guess the free caffeine probably helps with the talking. I totally suck at that, finding something interesting to say, especially when I'm put on the spot. I haven't listened to this yet because I'm at work and no speakers. I've just read the transcription. You're a little fount of knowledge!
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From:spectralbovine
Date:August 7th, 2005 03:50 am (UTC)
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Caffeine does nothing to me. That's how I normally talk.
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From:teenes
Date:August 5th, 2005 07:06 pm (UTC)
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Hee!

Hey I visited the World of Coca-Cola back in 1996, and I could swear they talked about how early on, Coke was actually sold as a medicinal drink, and did have cocaine in it. I think a headache tonic or something?

Dude, did you try the bank of sodas from around the world at the end? Lychee soda? There's some interesting stuff there!
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From:jenelope
Date:August 5th, 2005 08:08 pm (UTC)
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HAAAAAA! You tried Beverly! The most amazingly sucky drink in the world! Even donkey urine... eh, I can't do it. There's no way I can pretend that I know what donkey urine tastes like. But I bet it tastes like Beverly.

Beverly is also proof that people have to make their own mistakes. You can't just tell someone, "Don't drink Beverly. Your mouth will lose the ability to produce saliva and you'll never be able to get past the horrific experience." Because if you do, people are just going to want to try it. It's very sad, really.
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From:the_partyman
Date:August 5th, 2005 08:52 pm (UTC)
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I have Coke envy.
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From:jeeperstseepers
Date:August 5th, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC)
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It totally had cocaine. It was originally advertised as a sort of cure-all, wasn't it? Drink coke--it'll perk you right up! I'm pretty sure I've seen the old print ads.

Glad you see your plane didn't crash or something. Yay! Hopefully I'll manage to get the damn mp3 downloaded so I can listen to your post rather than just read it.
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From:petunia846
Date:August 5th, 2005 11:54 pm (UTC)
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I don't like sodas. Once in elementary school I went to visit a friend who had moved to Georgia. Before my flight left we were going to go to the Coke place. Unfortunately, when we were almost all the way there I remembered that I had left my plane ticket at their house. We had to go back and get it and then we didn't get to go to the Coke place.

You probably won't see this until you get back, but while you're in the Atlanta area you should go to the Cabbage Patch Nursery. It's really weird.
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From:alliterator
Date:August 6th, 2005 05:48 am (UTC)
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Hee. I visited a Coca-Cola Gift Place or whatever in Oregon. Well, the top half was Coca-Cola, the bottom half was M+M's. But I only tasted one type of Coke! I never tasted Beverly or whatever the fuck New Coke was or anything besides Original Coke.

And poor Max Headroom. Such a sell-out. But at least he's not as bad as those superheros who pimped those apple pies and stuff in the seventies.
From:babsonite
Date:August 6th, 2005 06:25 am (UTC)
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You are too funny P-C...

I just learned a lot about Coke, I kind of want one now...
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From:soleta_nf
Date:August 7th, 2005 12:21 am (UTC)
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Wow, you can really talk. You learned a lot! Thanks for sharing. :) And, yes, like people have said, there was indeed cocaine in the original Coca-Cola. I bet they didn't have THAT in the taste tests at the end! ;)

And props to the person who transcribed that. That was a lot of work.
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From:glasseseater
Date:August 7th, 2005 04:54 am (UTC)
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I actually was watching the secret life of cola on the food network like right before I read this. apparently the original coca-cola originally had crushed up coco leaves as well as cola nuts. crushed up coco leaves were praised for their stimulating properties at the time by sigmund freud (and of course, sherlock holmes.) a little while later everyone realised this stuff was addicting and the government encouraged them to stop with the coke.
Interestingly enough, coca-cola was inspired by a european soda made from the coke leaves and wine.
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From:shutterbug1
Date:August 7th, 2005 07:27 pm (UTC)
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Fabulous and funny as always. Keep the vacation phone-ins coming!

Also, I did a group project in my accounting class years ago comparing the PepsiCo and Coca-Cola companies based on a few years worth of annual reports, and in the conclusion we had to make a recommendation of which company we would invest in. We chose Pepsi.
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From:sterope
Date:August 9th, 2005 10:06 pm (UTC)
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Of course they didn't say "Off the hook" in the 1880s!

They said, "Off the heezy!"
(Deleted comment)
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From:spectralbovine
Date:August 12th, 2005 03:39 am (UTC)
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No, no, I liked it! I love Coke!

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