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February 11th, 2010


10:49 pm - Down with the Sickness
On Monday, I felt fine.

On Tuesday, I woke up with an icky throat and hurty eyes. The next day, the symptoms worsened. Today, I was congested and sneezing and coughing and felt so sick that I actually went home from work. I have never taken a sick day from work before! I don't even remember taking a sick day from school.

I came home and rested, watching TV and movies and reading comics, as you do.

Then my dad called. I told him I was sick, that it was probably just a head cold, and I told him that I was taking medicine. He asked if I had started taking antibiotics. I asked him how he knew it was bacterial. My dad—who is a psychiatrist—said that if I wanted it to get worse, then fine, but I should take antibiotics as a precaution.

He gave the phone to my mom. "I'm sick," I said, "make it better!" She told me to take antibiotics, and I said that would just create more resistant bacteria. She told me not to "doctor the doctor." "I am not going to be responsible for the superbug," I said. I said that taking the day off work and resting had made me feel a little better; it had helped my physical and mental health.

I had hoped that by emphasizing that I wanted to take care of my mental health as well as my physical health in order to recover from being sick, my mom would not bring up my current potential future wife, but of course she appears completely oblivious to her effect on me. After some curt, evasive answers, I again emphasized that I was looking after my mental health.

"Mental health, what do you mean?"
"Mental health, we are not talking about this."
"Let me ask you something: do you have someone that you're—"
"No! I do not have anyone, and I am tired of that question!"
"You used to talk so nicely to me, what happened?"
"It's been years and years and years, and I'm tired of it."
"Do you want to get married?"
"Yes! Just not like this."
"Then how?"
"The old-fashioned way."
"How is that?"
"I'll find someone myself."

Unable to respond, she hung up.

That was not how I envisioned that conversation going. I had been putting it off since last week, and I had this whole thing where I was going to calmly quit the process instead of get all emotional like I always do, but I am seriously, seriously, seriously tired of her constantly assuming that the reason I'm resistant to an arranged marriage is because I have some secret girlfriend because if it weren't for her constant oppression and brainwashing, I might actually be capable of having a functional relationship with a woman. I've missed out on all the regular mating rituals during my development process. I don't know how to do any of it.
Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: Three Days Grace - Animal I Have Become

(27 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")


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