January 10th, 2010

Forget Me Now

The Affair of the Necklace

So my grandmother, who art in India, consulted a psychic or priest or something, and he said that I have some sort of bad juju related to Thursdays that has been keeping me from finding a wife. He blessed a locket that was supposed to unblock my chi or something, and my grandmother mailed it to California, and my aunt provided a gold chain to turn it into a necklace. That I was supposed to wear.
you need to go on thur. and wear the necklace. and say 21X everyday OM SHREE SAINATHAI NAMAHA. PLEASE. DO THIS FOR ME AND YOU. WEAR THE NECKLACE EVERYDAY.

I thought I only wore the necklace on Thursdays. Every day??


I don't like wearing necklaces. Or bracelets or rings or any other jewelry.

So clearly I was just being a brat about not wanting to wear a necklace, but I was so tired of arguing about this that maybe wearing a necklace was not that big a deal to make her happy. Picking my battles and whatnot? I was more willing to do it when I thought I only had to wear it one day a week so it wouldn't really affect my life that much. I had no desire to wear a necklace, so why should I? It ought to be that simple. I was about ready to just tell her to stuff it entirely and let me die alone.

And then she called seven times on Thursday to ensure that I would go pick up the fucking magical necklace and wear it, and I had just had it. I didn't want to talk to her about it because it would just ruin my day more than she had already ruined it, so I ignored her calls. Plus, it turned out the woman who had the necklace did not live in Oakland, she lived in Union City, and that was too far out of my way for something I didn't care about at all.

sunil why are you not picking up phone? are not going to aisamasi today? this is for your own good and your life. mommy

I am not driving down to Union City to pick up a necklace I'm not going to wear. And I am not going to pick up the phone once when I'm getting ready for work, twice while I'm settling in, three times during a meeting, and once while I'm trying to process a case. I couldn't concentrate all day because you kept calling, and my work suffered.

Once and for all: I am not wearing the necklace. We disagree on what's for my good and my life, and given that it's MY life, I think I get to not wear a necklace if I don't want to. If you continue to push this, I will not pick up the phone for a week.
It took a really long time to hit send. And then...an hour later:
That's fine. I won't call you anymore. When you think that you need your parents, we might not even be there for you. If you don't want anymore contact, then that is your choice. It is obvious that you want to live your life without us in it.

And I wouldn't have kept calling you if you had ever bothered to return any of my calls and let me know what was going on. I'm sorry for being a concerned mother.
I didn't even know whether I was supposed to respond. The Buffistas counseled me not to, so I refrained.

The next day, my sister brought up that my mom was really mad at me. I told her I knew and that we weren't going to talk about it, just let her cool off. She said that both my mom and my dad were acting like they're not talking to me again, so she hoped it blew over.

Geez, all I did was refuse to wear a fucking necklace. I could have done so much worse. So much worse.

And then yesterday I got an e-mail from my mom. But not really. I had wondered whether her decision not to talk to me would include not sending me mass e-mail forwards.

This one was called "Being a Mother - a must read," and it was one of those sappy stories about a guy who goes and has a nice dinner with his mother after not seeing her very much over the past 20 years...and then she drops dead of a heart attack a few days later, and he appreciates her so much now!

Nicole put it best:
P-C, I think if we tried real hard we could all put together a heart-warming story of a mother that badgered her son so much that they were never able to share a true relationship. UNTIL one day when she witnesses a GOOD relationship between a friend and her friend's son. And only then does she learn how to treat her son with respect and allow him to find his own happiness, so that he will want to share that happiness with her.

And they all lived happily ever after. The End.
I am trying not to succumb to the guilt trip. I can't let them win. But they can't let me win either. I feel like we're playing phone chicken. It's not the first time we've played this game, and it likely won't be the last. I'm just so tired of it all. But it's not me, it's them. Not me, it's them. Not me, it's them.

What a way to start the new year.