August 10th, 2008

Bluezula always lies

Saturday Morning Fever

Early Saturday morning, I had one of the most terrifying dream experiences I've ever had.

I could hear my dad calling for me from the other room. I was lying in bed in my bedroom, and he was calling for me. I could hear him. Hear his voice.

My family was in my apartment, and I had no idea how they'd gotten there.

And then the door opened, and my mom walked in and lay down next to me on my bed. My back was to her, and I didn't turn around. I just knew she was there, could feel her on the bed, a presence.

And then she disappeared. There was a sort of jump, as if I might have woken up and gone back to sleep, like maybe I went in and back out of consciousness to return to this world where my family—or at least my parents—were in the other room. What were they doing in there? I didn't move. I just stay in my bed, scared, afraid to check.

My dad walked in and lay down next to me, as my mom had. Then, a little later, he was standing by my window, messing with the blinds. My eyes were open, and I could see him there. There was someone in my bedroom a couple feet away from me.

What if it wasn't my dad? What if it was some thief or murderer who had broken into my apartment? What if the rest of it had been a dream, and this was the reality?

I didn't make a sound. I lay there in my bed, pretending to be asleep so the strange man wouldn't hurt me.

And that's the last I remember before I truly and finally woke up. The blinds on my window weren't even down; I don't know why the man had been messing with the blinds.

It was all so real. And I wasn't anywhere exotic or improbable: I was in my bedroom the whole time. IN MY BED. I never really bought the way TV and movies so often had characters dream so close to their own reality because most of my dreams felt real but could easily be seen as dreams from an outsider's POV. But now I completely understand that feeling of a dream so fully grounded in reality as to be almost indistinguishable. And it scares the crap out of me.

To top it all off, it turned out to be an omen. Because when I went to turn my monitor on afterward, it gave a dying gasp and refused. I pinched myself to make sure this wasn't another nightmare. It wasn't. So here I sit with a new LG 20" widescreen monitor from Fry's, listening to music on new Logitech speakers and trying to get used to my new Logitech cordless optical mouse, which I might return because it is not as awesome as I hoped. Also, I picked up the second Buffy trade because Fry's had it for 25% off.

This morning, I could swear I saw the silhouette of my brother in the window.