July 3rd, 2007

Teapot of lurve

How to Save the World (Cheerleader Not Included)

Print out this coupon for a buy-one-get-one-free Jamba Juice, which expires tomorrow.

Step into the elevator, where an attractive brunette says, "Hi." Return her greeting and wonder if she would like a free Jamba Juice, and perhaps a good cuddle. Not out loud.

Drive to the nearest Jamba Juice. As you walk toward the establishment, notice an Asian woman also heading in the same direction. She is your likely target.

When you enter, another attractive brunette is already buying something. Behind her is an older woman. The Asian woman gets in line behind her and begins fidgeting with her cell phone. Try to figure out some way to ask her if she would like a free smoothie. Fail to bother her and get out of line, waiting for another mark. Some other people come in, but they speak Spanish, and you don't want to deal with a language barrier.

Lament that the attractive brunette was this close to being your hapless victim. Notice that a large bearded man is now poised to order.

Walk up beside him and say, "Excuse me. Do you want a free smoothie?"

He gives you a glance. "No," he says.

Pull out the coupon and explain to him that you have a buy-one-get-one-free coupon, and you are alone. A little surprised, he says sure. "We'll go half and half," he says. Ignore him.

Go up to the cashier, order a Strawberry Whirl, and hand the woman the coupon. "Buy one get one free?" she asks, looking at the man behind you.

Still a little confused, he orders a Strawberry Nirvana, but in the Original size, which is larger than you intended to get. Upgrade your own order. "I thought it was a scam!" he says.

Say, "I'm just doing good work."

"You're a blessing," the cashier says. Pay for the drinks, ignoring the fact that the man pulled out his wallet.

She comes back with the receipt to sign. "You're a blessing," she repeats. "God is watching, and it will be coming back to you."

You sign. "Thanks!" says the man, and it's the most sincere gratitude you have heard in a long time. It actually makes you feel good to hear, to have caused such a reaction in someone.

Wait for your drinks, but don't talk to each other. That would be awkward. When the smoothies arrive, hand his to him and take your own.

"Thanks," he says again. "That was really cool of you."

Say, "You're welcome."

Plan to do it again tomorrow.