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May 6th, 2007 - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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May 6th, 2007


10:54 pm - Why Do All Women Taste Like Strawberries?
I had this master plan, see. upanashad had sent me home last week with some yummy raspberry cheesecake on a nifty plate, so I decided to surprise her pre-Entourage to return the plate with a dessert atop it. Except she has all these crazy dietary restrictions, so I wasn't sure where I could get her something. Safeway was a bust.

Trader Joe's claimed to have gluten-free chocolate-covered bananas, so I stopped there on the way. And Trader Joe's is packed on Sundays, let me tell you. There was quite a lot of activity, and I'd never been in there before, so finding things was not as easy as I thought. I perused the frozen foods and got some free samples of chips and salsa and strawberry lemonade. Finally, I asked someone where the chocolate-covered bananas were, and he checked and said they were out, that they were sort of off-and-on. What the shit is that?

I looked for alternatives. They had meringues, but meringues were risky because not everyone likes meringues. Even chocolate meringues. I found a flourless chocolate cake, but you had to buy the whole cake, and I didn't exactly know upanashad's stance on chocolate. I kept trying to remember everything I'd ever seen her eat in an attempt to figure out what would work.

Finally, I gave up and went with the fail-safe, which was strawberries. Trader Joe's sold both regular strawberries and Extra Sweet Premium Strawberries, which must have been touched by God or something. They were seventy cents more, and I figured that since they were more expensive, they must be better, right? I grabbed a container.

Now to purchase them, which looked like it was going to take longer than I intended. The line for the express lane went far into the aisle. In fact, every single line went far into the aisle. I kept moving toward the back, counting on people's laziness, and lo and behold, the lines at the other end only had a few people in them. They had a lot of items, but I was positive the line would move faster than the actual express lane.

I waited for a few minutes, holding my strawberries, when I looked down and noticed that there was a tiny little bug crawling on one of the strawberries. It had tiny little wings. I just looked at it, baffled. Maybe that was normal? It was the strawberry fly, which made strawberries taste better?

As much as I didn't want to get out of line, I gave up my cushy spot to go back to produce. I asked someone if there were supposed to be a bug in my strawberries. I tried to show it to him, but it was hiding, little bastard. He said that, no, it wasn't supposed to have a bug, and he would take it in the back since it was probably spoiled. I closely inspected my next container for bugs before heading back into the fray.

My previous line had gotten a little longer, but it was still better than the express lane. I waited and checked the time frequently. Waited, waited, waited. Just like Raine Maida.

As the man ahead of the the woman ahead of me was checking out, she turned me to and asked, "Is that all you have?" I said, "Yeah," and she waved me ahead of her.

"Thank you!" I said. She is my Hero for the Day.

As I paid for my strawberries, she said, "You just looked so [im?]patient, standing there with your strawberries. 'Please, please, won't someone let me go?' I'm sure you're in a rush to get those back somewhere." It occurred to me that, yeah, one doesn't usually go to the store and buy one thing unless you really need that one thing right now.

I told her that I was actually delivering it to a friend. She said she'd appreciate it. Much like I appreciated her letting me go ahead of her!

This story actually gives me a good opportunity to work in a little PSA I've been meaning to post. It involves five little words you should learn: "I don't need a bag." Seriously, if you can carry it yourself, do so. Don't waste a bag! I don't know all the evils of plastic bags, but I'm sure they're evil in some way, and if you can easily avoid evil, why don't you?

So, what have we learned from this Tale from Trader Joe's? Be considerate to your fellow human, and be considerate to the environment! Perhaps they will do you the same courtesy one day.
Current Mood: hothot
Current Music: Eddie from Ohio - Bonny Brook

(50 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")


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