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April 21st, 2007

08:25 pm - Of Human Bonding
Ivy (ivyisgilgamesh), April (aprilbegins), and I are at a Denny's in Los Angeles. Waiting, waiting, and still waiting to be noticed, let alone seated. We admire the fake desserts. I only have a three-hour layover, so it would be nice to be served eventually. It's not even busy, so the wait is baffling.

We do finally get a table, and we peruse the menu. I get mozzarella cheese sticks and a buffalo chicken sandwich. The former actually turns out to be better, as I am more apt to believe that they contained real cheese, whereas the "Swiss cheese" in the sandwich was pretty obviously processed. The discrepancy is even more pronounced due to the fact that the waiter brings out the appetizer and the entree at the same time. I have not eaten at Denny's very many times in my life, and I think I am all the better for it.

It is impossible to describe a conversation at a table with Ivy and April because Ivy will randomly describe her drinking history and April will randomly start singing a Donna Lewis song.

Afterward, we go in search of a Starbucks because Ivy's IV is running low. The soundtrack is mash-ups ranging from Beyoncé vs. A-ha to Marilyn Manson vs. Marilyn Monroe. Discussing America's Next Top Model, we pull into a nearby Marriott that boasts a Starbucks. That closed at six. What good is a Starbucks that closes at six?

And, now, dear readers, and now we embark on an indescribable journey into a phantom region known only as...The No Starbucks Zone. That's right. For forty-five minutes, we drive around and see nary a Starbucks. There is another one in a hotel down the street, but it would be closed. We end up in places Ivy doesn't even recognize. We end up in Hawthorne and turn around before we get shot. We end up in Inglewood and once again turn around before we get shot. We see the amazing TACO DOLLAR truck and revel in its superiority over all other taco trucks ever. Ivy notes that we have somehow broken the laws of physics by driving this long in Los Angeles without having seen one Starbucks. Finally, finally, we end up in the right direction on Sepulveda, and lo and behold, a Starbucks! And my mocha frappuccino isn't even that good, after all the nonsense.

Time has warped for me, as, following a group hug, I stroll through security and walk to my gate a mere second before they call my boarding group.

And it is off to Philadelphia. My adventures have just begun.

In which I arrive in Philadelphia and wrestle a mooseCollapse )

In which I meet a flister and shoot an alligatorCollapse )

In which I examine my insufficiencies as a human being and ride a kangarooCollapse )

In which I have a profound, religious experience at a national monument and befriend a monkeyCollapse )

In which I come to some very disturbing conclusions about my own mortality and fondle a giraffeCollapse )

In which I pooh-pooh the idea of putting fake cheese on real meat and kick a zebraCollapse )

In which I get down to business and defenestrate a squirrelCollapse )

In which I am propositioned in an elevator and hump a hippopotamusCollapse )

In which I have a wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it and disembowel a wildebeestCollapse )

In which I interact with human beings in a charmingly social manner and delouse a mongooseCollapse )

In which I surrender to destiny and duel a lionCollapse )

In which I go on a global journey of foodular proportions and kiss a tigerCollapse )

Sometimes, I like people.
Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: Le Tigre - Nanny Nanny Boo Boo

(60 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

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