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January 1st, 2007 - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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January 1st, 2007


02:52 pm - He Was an Incorrigible Flirt
On the last day of 2006, I went to Dan's (incidentist) house, where I met Jessica, Jessica, and Robin, the girlfriends of Dan, his brother Matt, and his brother Matt's friend Lee. In an unusual role reversal, the men were in the kitchen cooking while the women were in the living room watching football. I helped peel almonds for Dan's gløgg, a Danish spiced wine. The meal was roast beef, which I couldn't eat, and greens and potatoes, which I could. Stories were told, making it a pleasant dining experience overall.

We headed out into the chill to catch a train to North Beach, where we were to see some comedy at Cobb's. Another member of the party, Jonah, had managed to secure us a table for nine, even though we seven didn't show up till almost twenty till seven, when the show started with the best opening comic I've ever seen, Ryan Stout. He had a very short set, but he had an absolutely brilliant joke about how he hates the n-word so much, he can't even say "vinegar." Oh, and there was this, which I've ganked from his Wikipedia entry, which tells me he's YOUNGER than me:

I got into an argument with this Pro-Life person about abortion and she said, "Well, Ryan, what if Jesus had been an abortion?" "Well, then, he would have died for our sins...sooner."

After him was Dana Gould, former writer for The Simpsons, whom I actually didn't like as much as Ryan Stout. He had a Lewis Black thing going with the "two emotions: rage and suppressed rage," and that's not really my thing, though he was funny. Next up was Greg Fitzsimmons, who was funnier and had some great audience banter. I appreciated his set a lot because half of it was based on his New Year's Resolutions, which made it sort of special for us since it's not a bit he could use all year, really. The headliner was Patton Oswalt, one of Dan's favorite comedians even though I'd never heard of him. He was funny, for sure, and also nerdy. He had an extended bit on how much the Star Wars prequels sucked, which is not new territory by any means, and I didn't think they were so bad, but he put a great new spin on it. Also, he had a throwaway line about Wolverine kicking Daredevil's ass that slew me since I love Daredevil, and he's one of the lesser-known superheroes. My face eventually hurt from laughing, and that's all I ask from a comedy show. Well, it's the least it can do after the ticket price and convenience fee and two-drink minimum satisfied by four-dollar Cokes.

After the show let out, more drinking had to be done, so our group hit a bar down the block, but I was hungry, not having been able to eat the meat, so I had one of SF's Famous Burritos from Ricos. It was pretty good.

As our final destination was the Embarcadero, we headed down Columbus to look for more bars. We stopped in Vesuvio for quite a while. Dan and Jessica and I camped out in a corner while the others reveled. I took this opportunity to flirt with Jessica, badly, as we analyzed how exactly to proceed from such classic opening lines as "Do you come here often?" and "What's your sign?" When Dan left to flirt with the other Jessica, his Jessica punched him, saying he was supposed to stop me, not follow my lead. After he left, I tried again:

"So, come here often?"
"No. See, where do you go from that?"
"...Where do you go?"
"I don't."
"Neither do I."
"What a coincidence."
"What's your bedroom look like?"

I may need to work on my technique just a tad.

(As I have not mentioned it, let me take this moment to mention that being the single guy in a sea of couples is rather annoying. It was surprisingly less annoying than I expected it to be because the Girlfriends were all nice people, and I felt like part of the group, but still. Hell, I even saw an attractive Indian girl in Vesuvio. With her boyfriend.)

Dan and Jessica and I finally cut out in order to meet up with Portland Jessica (ariiadne) and Colin (sadly, we never got the three Jessicas in the same place at the same time). After a few blocks, Dan spotted her unmistakeable purple hair, and many hugs were exchanged. We went down to the madness of the Embarcadero and passed the time by looking at sculptures like the Bow and Arrow...whatever its real name is. That was where we staked out a spot since it wasn't that crowded, although Matt claimed it was too far south to see the fireworks.

As it turned out, he could not be any more wrong, as the fireworks were right in front of us. Oh, those poor fools over by the Ferry Building. The fireworks were a pretty spectacular display of color and sound. There were smiley faces and cubes and swarming fireflies and those green bugs from the X-Files episode "Darkness Falls" and sperm and it was awesome.

Then it was time to brave the herd in exodus. Dan and Jessica left at the Transbay Terminal, and Jess and Colin and I continued to BART. Now, on the way our story gets interesting, and it's pretty much the reason for this post.

What could have happened? Did I witness a murder? Did a pack of wild zebras get loose? Did Colin and Jess and I engage in a spontaneous threesome? Did I get propositioned by a hooker? A gay hooker? Did I MEET MY FUTURE WIFE? One or more of these things may or may not be true! The only way to find out is to click!Collapse )
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
Current Music: Placebo - Scared of Girls

(32 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")


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