August 22nd, 2006

When Polter-Cows Attack!

Krakens and Snakes and Ninjas and Gold

It was an eventful weekend, and I will never find the time to do it justice, so I will just summarize like a madwoman. Because only women are mad. DON'T YOU KNOW THE ETYMOLOGY OF HYSTERIA?

On Friday, I met waitaminute17 in the City. We had met before, but it was one of those things where you meet someone in person and then get to know them better online and so when you see them again in person it's kind of like your first real "meeting." She was very, very happy to see me, and I was very, very happy to see her world-famous cleavage. After doing extensive research, I had chosen Gyro King as our dinner venue, and, lucky for me, gyros were in her top ten favorite foods.

After dinner, we strolled down to the Thunderbird Theatre, site of Release the Kraken, starring incidentist (Dan). We were there ridiculously early, and some members of the company greeted us and launched into a gigantic spiel of all the places we could eat, after which I told him we'd just eaten. My companion, however, wanted to have cake in honor of the VM4, so we went in search. We came across Brainwash, a laundromat that was too cool for school (and low prices). There, she had a chocolate cupcake.

Returning to the theatre, we waited outside for the house to open until someone told us to come in out of the cold and sit in the antechamber, where we could fill out an information sheet to win fabulous prizes. It asked important questions like "If you lived in ancient Greece, what would you do for a living?" to which my answer was "leer at women" and "How did you hear about us?" to which my favorite answer was "Why should I tell you?"

We took a seat in the front row and admired the balloon sculpture of Medusa. It was too awesome for words. I mean, it even had white balloon teeth. It was amazing.

Release the Kraken was a lot of fun, chockfull of references to Tron, Star Wars, and Scientology. The comedy was a bit more broad than I was expecting, with a lot of over-the-top yelling, but it was funny nonetheless. Dan played himself, and he did it well. I recommend anyone in the Bay Area go check it out, as it will undoubtedly be the only play you will ever see in which Teddy Ruxpin saves the day.

waitaminute17 really, really liked the play, so I was glad I had taken her to it. She fangirled Dan and got his autograph, and she managed to snag a Clerks-takeoff poster. Then Hera fangirled me for having gone to Comic-Con. Then Dan just shook his head in disbelief at someone fangirling me in his presence. I don't know why the bastard decided to move to ANOTHER COUNTRY (if you consider Canada a "country") four months after I moved here.

As we had to catch the late BART to East Bay, wam and I headed out. I then proceeded to get us horrendously lost in Oakland, and, while I did do the typical-male thing of not asking for directions, it was past midnight and no one was out to ask directions from. Also, I need to learn how to get unlost on my own. I need to better intuitively orient myself. I haven't driven a lot since I've never had a car, but that's different now, except the Bay Area sucks for not labelling anything properly. Together, we worked out where the hell we were and how to navigate to where we wanted to be, which was her hotel.

The next morning, I dropped her off at BART so she could go off to her cousin's wedding (which, dude: her cousin married the drummer from Metric! Holy crap!). I bummed around Berkeley for a few hours. Half-Price Books, Comic Relief, Games of Berkeley, etc. Lunch at Tacone, which had a sweet "Flavor Station" with all these cool sauces that I didn't need to take advantage of but whose presence I was glad for.

Then I saw Snakes on a Plane. I even got a free mini-poster! I went by myself, but there were about thirty people in the audience, who were good for loud "EWWWW!"s. SOAP is like a surprisingly good SciFi Original Movie. Yes, it's better than Boa vs. Python and Pterodactyl. COMBINED. Throw in Bloodsuckers, though, and you may be stretching it. Is gratuitous airplane lavatory sex better than vampire mindsex? Basically, however, you get what you pay for. Motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane. It is COMPLETE MAYHEM and thus awesome. No, it's not objectively good, but it's not that awful either. It sets the bar low and hits it with a CLANG.

The bottom line here is that if you have any desire to see this movie, you will enjoy it. If you get it, you will get it, you know what I mean? It's satisfactory that way.

After the movie, I bummed around Berkeley some more and then got bored and continued reading 1602 while I waited to pick up my cousin from his YMCA camping trip. Picking him up, I got horrendously lost again. I also got lost trying to get out of the City. It was not a good weekend for me.

Sunday morning, la_perkins (Lee) picked me up and took me to zmayhem's (JZ's) baby shower. As we waited for people to stream in, we watched Spike Jonze music videos, including "Christopher Walken dances" and "Bjork dances with a mailbox." Many Buffistas came to hang out and eat food and watch JZ open her presents. I let hecubot (Hec) open mine, which was a dueling set of moral compasses for the Halloweenie: spinners for What Would a Pirate Do? and What Would a Ninja Do? To my great glee, both JZ and Hec were very pleased. I continue to win at gifting.

In conclusion, here is a lovely cover of "Casimir Pulaski Day." As etherealclarity said, you might like it because she's pretty AND she can sing!