January 12th, 2010
|10:46 pm - District Nein|
Jesus God. When the Affair of the Necklace appeared to result in a fairly quick détente, I thought it had been too easy.
My mom called. After speaking with the guy who blessed the locket, she offered this compromise: she knew I didn't believe, but I could wear the necklace for 21 days straight and then just put it with my other religious items.
It was tempting to just give in. "No," I said.
I wouldn't have to get her a Mother's Day gift. Mother's Day was coming up, and this would be her Mother's Day gift. She wouldn't expect a gift, a card, not even a phone call, if I just did this for her.
It was a tempting offer. "I'm just going to have keep saying no," I said. "No."
She blamed herself for not making me wear necklaces when I was a kid, so I didn't like wearing necklaces now. I told her it was nobody's fault. She said I could put it under my shirt; it wouldn't even show. I said it wasn't about showing. I told her I would keep it in my pocket, and she said I had to wear it. She said she wouldn't expect a Mother's Day gift, birthday gift, anything. This wouldn't even cost me anything.
I was silent for a while, really wanting to just take the easy way out and give in. Finally, I mustered up the guts to say it again: "No."
I heard her consult my dad. My dad said that was it, she'd said her piece and I'd said mine. There was nothing more to say. She hung up.
I'm not sure whether this is really over. How many times does Jason usually come back?
Current Mood: nervous
Current Music: Our Lady Peace - Automatic Flowers
What if you had a doll representation of yourself and put the necklace around his neck?
|Date:||January 13th, 2010 01:18 pm (UTC)|| |
How many times does Jason usually come back?
So far? Ten times at least.
Again, sympathies. But I think you did the right thing.
I'm impressed by your commitment. I am terrible at withstanding my mother.
I'm sorry this is causing you such strife. I have no experience with parents who are demanding in this way - but it seems like you're doing the right thing for you. Good luck!
And on a side note, your family stories are totally fascinating, you should write a short story about your family, or contact This American Life and tell your story on the radio, or something. Maybe it'd help build understanding between you and your parents? ...Or maybe it'd cause double the strife, so maybe not a good idea.
Anyway, points at icon.
Depends on whether your Mom will go with your Dad when it sounds like he put his foot down. Otherwise it will be, "You never have to get me another present or card, EVER! if you just do this for me..."
::giggles at post title::
WOW! I am still so impressed by you. Hang in there. I wonder if there's some way you can say "this subject has to be dropped"-- something to her about how you've said all you have to say on the matter?
And I think Nicole's earlier story about the mom finally realizing how good the son is should end with the son dropping dead of a heart attack.
Go P-C! You're doing the right thing.
Hang in there. I know how hard standing up to the Parents can be, particularly if your mom is emotionally manipulative/relentless/guilt-trippy. Be prepared for a change in tactic, or for further tests of your resolve. (I have been there, yes.)
I'm incredibly proud of you for standing your ground, Cow. Perhaps now your parents will begin to realize that this is indeed your life to live as you see fit.
|Date:||January 14th, 2010 12:46 am (UTC)|| |
OMG. Delurking to say... mad respect for sticking to your guns!
(This whole necklace fiasco has been so... something. Revealing? Also Indian here, same age as you, and because I'm a gurrrrl the pressure is a wee bit worse to say the least. Thankfully, my parents are a lot more liberal/westernized than some of their cohorts.)
Hi! It's been cool to meet other Indians on LJ who really get my crazy family drama, heh.
And if I'm expired, you're positively spoiled! What man would want to marry you at your age, AM I RIGHT?? You're definitely lucky to have more Westernized parents.
|Date:||January 14th, 2010 01:15 am (UTC)|| |
Yeah, I'm definitely lucky in a lot of ways with my parents. They're still Indian, but... it could be SO MUCH WORSE. And for that I'm thankful.
Still, knowing that they probably lie awake at night worrying about My Future isn't really conducive to being living a guilt-free life. :P
KEEP SAYING NO.
Seriously, I am so proud of you. I have been watching/reading about your battles with your parents for, oh, eight or nine years now? And seeing you really stand up to them in the last year or two has been so heartening. I would have stopped speaking to them by now, but I think your approach might have better results in the long-term. You can RETRAIN THEM. Maybe. But at least you're trying, and I am so happy to see that.
Oh, you. Yeah, you've been hearing this shit for a long, long time. I am trying to retrain them. I'm glad people have my back.
Wow. The fact that you offered to carry it around in your pocket is a fine compromise. I don't see how you have to *wear* it, especially since it is clearly such a deal-breaker for you. I guess there isn't the men-don't wear-necklaces (especially with lockets on them) stigma in India as there is here? Do they know that that stigma exists here?
I'm sorry, again, that family stuff has come to a head over something so seemingly innocuous.