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Well, Personally, I Kind of Want to Slay the Dragon - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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October 7th, 2009


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04:05 pm - Well, Personally, I Kind of Want to Slay the Dragon
This Monday was the 10th anniversary of the premiere of Angel. In its honor, I post a filk I wrote in 2004 celebrating Tim Minear's penchant for killing characters. It's to the tune of "Pepper" by Butthole Surfers. The song was just begging for it.

If I recall correctly, Tim liked it and said he sang it out loud to himself.

Darla met the Master
The Master she appeases
He was sharing Darla's outlook
On the topic of disease
Holtz got two holes in his neck
And Doyle was half a demon
They were all in love with dying
But their killer wasn't Whedon
Holland ran his law firm
Like a legal-minded Mayor
Then he got locked in the cellar
Angel just can't seem to care
They were all in love with dying
They were old enough to buy beer
But there's no time for a party
When you meet Tim Minear

I don't mind the script sometimes
The images it shows
Darla licks her sexy lips
Or takes off all her clothes
Characters, they feel so safe
Though that is but a lie
Cause if you hear from Tim Minear
Then you are gonna die

Some will die like Holtz's dear
A flaming aberration
Some will die like Lockley's dad
From lack of invitation
Some will fall in love but die
Through vamping by Drusilla
Doyle is wishing he had not been fried
But got salmonella

I don't mind the script sometimes
The images it shows
Liam goes from man to vamp
So deep in passion's throes
Cordy died, and Fred did too
But that was season five
If you don't hear from Tim Minear
Then you might stay alive

The mother Darla was alarmed
By peril during labor
Angel watched her stake herself
And out popped baby Connor
Then there was the ever-present
Nasal-voiced snitcher
They were all in love with dying
Merl just took too many pictures
Angel never Shanshued
But if Tim should write the end
Angel would become a human guy
Then trip and break his neck
They were all in love with dying
They weren't safe for but a second
Tim was bragging that he killed Doyle once
And he'll do it again

I don't mind the script sometimes
The images it shows
Connor getting his throat slit
Cause what Sahjhan says goes
Ask not for whom the bell tolls
For my friend, don't you see
That if you hear from Tim Minear
The bell, it tolls for thee
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Dido - White Flag

(13 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


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From:enshanam
Date:October 7th, 2009 11:10 pm (UTC)
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Well, I already know what happens, so I guess I'm not in much of a hurry. (:
[User Picture]
From:duchessdogberry
Date:October 7th, 2009 11:44 pm (UTC)
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Man, I loved that show.
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From:sisterjune
Date:October 8th, 2009 12:20 am (UTC)
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LOL. I confess I've only ever seen very little of Angel but this is a very amusing song.
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From:the_narration
Date:October 8th, 2009 12:49 am (UTC)
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Heh. Not bad. No lyric for Wesley?
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From:spectralbovine
Date:October 8th, 2009 04:49 am (UTC)
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Tim didn't kill Wesley.
[User Picture]
From:the_narration
Date:October 8th, 2009 04:58 pm (UTC)
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Oh? Was that one Joss, then?
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:October 8th, 2009 05:06 pm (UTC)
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Joss Whedon and Jeff Bell. Joss probably did the killin' part, of course.
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From:the_narration
Date:October 8th, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC)
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Of course. He does so love to kill characters.
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From:prophetkristy
Date:October 8th, 2009 01:20 am (UTC)
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ZOMG THAT IS BRILLIANT. Well played, sir!
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:ashfae
Date:October 8th, 2009 01:29 pm (UTC)
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Cause if you hear from Tim Minear
Then you are gonna die


*collapses in helpless laughter*
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From:equustel
Date:October 8th, 2009 05:16 pm (UTC)
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This is brilliant! I take my hat off to you, sir!

I watched the Whedonverse backwards - after discovering Firefly (still my favorite), I rented all of Angel with my college roomie and raced through it before seeing more than one episode of Buffy. It holds a happy place in my heart for that reason. Those were good times.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:October 8th, 2009 05:20 pm (UTC)
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Ha! That is totally backwards. I mean, I know people who've seen Firefly before the vampire shows, but I think you're the first person I've met who watched Angel before Buffy.

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