The more astute among you deduced that the shows were arranged in alphabetical order. the_partyman, on the other hand, discovered that I was making all these writer connections that weren't even there. Go me. Or don't go me, because I stupidly left Lost and Alias completely off. What the hell?
1. "Me? Well, let me tell you something about normal people like me. They just wish they were special, like you." The 4400, Diana. I wanted a better quote for this show, but Google wasn't really helpful. There's not much of a fandom, is there? (raelee, violet4120; half-credit to ladydisdain225)
2. "That's the plan? Walking real quick was the plan?" Angel, Gunn. (ashfae, cleapet, ladydisdain225, the_partyman, raelee, cerulgalactus, stimpson; half-credit to lilserf)
3. "Well, other bands know more than three chords. Your professional bands can play up to six, sometimes seven completely different chords." Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Oz. (_jems_, vonnie_k, dgriswold, faithx5, ladydisdain225, the_partyman, raelee, cerulgalactus, kibarika, violet4120, peri_peteia, hobviously, stimpson, lilserf, alliterator)
4. "But you're well proportioned, that counts for something." Cupid, Trevor. The entire exchange goes like this:
CLAIRE: I am not interested.
TREVOR: But you're well proportioned and that counts for something.
CLAIRE: Interested, not interesting.
TREVOR: And you smell good.
(vonnie_k, mycenae; half-credit to raelee)
5. "This is where I felt it the first time: the universe was cocking the Fuck-With-Me Gun." Dead Like Me, George. When I heard this for the first time, complete with sound effect, I fell off the couch laughing. (faithx5, raelee)
6. "Because it honestly believes they should die. Human beings are different, and anything different is wrong. It's the ultimate in racial cleansing, and you, Van Statten, you've let it loose!" Doctor Who, The Ninth Doctor. (_jems_, dgriswold, faithx5, the_partyman, peri_peteia; half-credit to raelee)
7. "You found me broken." Firefly, River. (ashfae, dgriswold, faithx5, ladydisdain225, the_partyman, raelee, cerulgalactus, kibarika, violet4120, peri_peteia)
8. "'What? I can't hear you. Hold on, let me put the phone up to my bionic ear. There, that's better. WAIT, not so LOUD! I have bionic hearing.'" Freaks and Geeks, Bill. (dgriswold, raelee, electricmonk, super_hoodzie_x)
9. "That is chocolate-covered death." Gilmore Girls, Mrs. Kim. (petunia846, ladydisdain225, raelee)
10. "Pancakes are cake. Pancakes are for breakfast." The Inside, Danny. (dgriswold, faithx5, ladydisdain225, the_partyman, wee_warrior, kibarika)
11. "I'm sorry. I don’t get references before 1990." The O.C., Summer. (vonnie_k, ladydisdain225, the_partyman, raelee, violet4120)
12. "Quickest way to find the needle? Burn the haystack." Oz, Said. Notable for Hill's hilarious response: "What does that even mean?" (cerulgalactus; half-credit to vonnie_k)
13. "You know, in ancient Persia, the kings would kill a messenger who brought them news they didn't like. In modern times a sword in the chest might seem a little extreme. Something more subtle would be in order. Enjoying your drink?" Smallville, Lex. This is not a show known for its great writing, so I knew finding a good line would be hard, and I knew I'd only bother if it were Chloe or a Luthor. Funnily enough, like half of Lex's lines are just like this. "You know, in ancient China..." "You know, Hannibal once said..." "You know, I had this dream where I was a samurai and..." (vonnie_k, raelee, cerulgalactus)
14. "God of commerce, wrestling, gymnastics, thieving, good luck, sleep, wealth, and dreams." Sports Night, Jeremy. I still need to see the second season. (vonnie_k)
15. "Safe? What's safer than a morgue?" Tru Calling, Harrison. (raelee; half-credit to ladydisdain225 and the_partyman)
16. "Me and Ashley don't mix. We're like oil and...Satan." Two Guys and a Girl (a.k.a. Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place), Berg. (raelee)
17. "What is it with you girls and your girly-girl drama?" Veronica Mars, Wallace. (_jems_, petunia846, ladydisdain225, the_partyman, raelee, stimpson)
18. "There's like six Law and Orders on the air now, have you not seen one of them?" Wonderfalls, Sharon. (dgriswold, cleapet, the_partyman; half-credit to raelee, violet4120)
19. "I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals." The X-Files, Mulder. (vonnie_k, the_partyman, raelee)
20. "Lesson #3: No theoretical questions about meteorological anomalies" X-Play. This was the text one, and if it was spoken as well, it was Adam Sessler. The lesson is in response to the question "What if it snowed in San Francisco?" faithx5 and peri_peteia (and maybe debetesse) were the only ones I thought would have a prayer of getting it. Turns out alliterator had a shot as well. (faithx5)
So, congratulations to all the participants! It's pretty clear that our winner, as it were, is raelee, though the_partyman was really close. The former gets points for guessing some of the more obscure ones, but the latter gets points for finding bizarre connections that weren't even there. So if either of you wants me to write a post about something, maybe I will. I don't promise to take it seriously or anything, of course.
Also, all of these shows get my stamp of approval. I mean, Tru Calling and Smallville aren't great, but they don't entirely suck either. Sometimes.