1. "Me? Well, let me tell you something about normal people like me. They just wish they were special, like you."
2. "That's the plan? Walking real quick was the plan?"
3. "Well, other bands know more than three chords. Your professional bands can play up to six, sometimes seven completely different chords."
4. "But you're well proportioned, that counts for something."
5. "This is where I felt it the first time: the universe was cocking the Fuck-With-Me Gun."
6. "Because it honestly believes they should die. Human beings are different, and anything different is wrong. It's the ultimate in racial cleansing, and you, Van Statten, you've let it loose!"
7. "You found me broken."
8. "'What? I can't hear you. Hold on, let me put the phone up to my bionic ear. There, that's better. WAIT, not so LOUD! I have bionic hearing.'"
9. "That is chocolate-covered death."
10. "Pancakes are cake. Pancakes are for breakfast."
11. "I'm sorry. I don’t get references before 1990."
12. "Quickest way to find the needle? Burn the haystack."
13. "You know, in ancient Persia, the kings would kill a messenger who brought them news they didn't like. In modern times a sword in the chest might seem a little extreme. Something more subtle would be in order. Enjoying your drink?"
14. "God of commerce, wrestling, gymnastics, thieving, good luck, sleep, wealth, and dreams."
15. "Safe? What's safer than a morgue?"
16. "Me and Ashley don't mix. We're like oil and...Satan."
17. "What is it with you girls and your girly-girl drama?"
18. "There's like six Law and Orders on the air now, have you not seen one of them?"
19. "I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals."
20. "Lesson #3: No theoretical questions about meteorological anomalies"