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Mi País, Su País - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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January 30th, 2009


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08:47 am - Mi País, Su País
I just received this message from the guy in my last post:
My apologies if I offended you in my post. I have a lot of India friends and I know they would have accepted my jest knowing I meant no offense. I want to say more to explain my point of view on my comments, but I don’t want to sound like I am making excuses. I made a lot of assumptions in my post and there is no excuse.

Again, my apologies. Pleas don’t let this reflect on [our mutual friend] as we are just getting acquainted after high school and is not responsible for my ignorance.
In my opinion, it's a very good apology, and I kind of felt bad for hanging him out to dry last night. But I decided I deserved to say more than "No problem, man, we're cool, you didn't make me question my cultural identity at all or anything."
Thank you for the apology. I am sure you can joke around with your friends with no problem, but it is really not acceptable to say those things to complete strangers. A picture and a name don't define me any more than they define you.
I hope he learns from his mistake, because the next person he offends may just punch him in the face.
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: Massive Attack - Safe from Harm

(39 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


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From:shamoogity
Date:January 30th, 2009 05:01 pm (UTC)
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I agree that is a good apology, but your response seems really appropriate. He should know it's not cool to talk like that.
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From:ladydisdain225
Date:January 30th, 2009 05:26 pm (UTC)
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That actually was a pretty good apology, but it's overshadowed by the complete perfection that was your response.
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From:aprilbegins
Date:January 30th, 2009 05:44 pm (UTC)
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Well done! You are not a



, sir
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 30th, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
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Welcome to my journal, Talking-in-Pictures April! I hope you enjoy your stay here.

(I usually am a doormat. This non-doormat behavior is new to me.)
[User Picture]
From:rachelmanija
Date:January 30th, 2009 05:54 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad you did say that. You're the party who got the totally random Racism Week (TM) insult, so you can say whatever you like. Plus, it's a good explanation of why that was a stupid racist statement and not okay, so maybe he now knows to avoid racially harassing random people on Facebook in the future.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 30th, 2009 06:05 pm (UTC)
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I hope so! It sounded like he knew he'd fucked up and it was Not Okay, but I wanted to say it myself anyway, for reinforcement.







Also, I knew I'd have to post my response here and I didn't want to look like a weenie in front of you guys.
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From:electricmonk
Date:January 30th, 2009 06:09 pm (UTC)
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Well said. He seems genuinely regretful, so maybe he'll learn that lesson.

Meanwhile, you keep on kickin' ass, mmkay?
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From:ethanvahlere
Date:January 30th, 2009 06:29 pm (UTC)
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It's a good apology, and I'm glad he made it, but remember, he's the weenie, not you. And your response was spot on.
[User Picture]
From:lspooreeyorick
Date:January 30th, 2009 06:31 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad he apologized, but I'm not sure I'm personally ready to forgive him. (I know I have NOTHING to do with this, but you know, that was a shitty, shitty thing he said to you.)

Also: I'm bigoted in my own way. I'm bigoted against people who say things like "India friends" and "hopping has a sence of humor" - not just because they're inane and racist, but because they're horribly spelled and wouldn't know proper grammar if they were introduced at a garden party. I'm a snot like that.
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From:janeanger
Date:January 31st, 2009 05:59 am (UTC)
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I am a snot like this, too.
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From:paraleipsis
Date:January 30th, 2009 06:52 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad to hear he apologized, and I think you handled it really well.
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From:kouredios
Date:January 30th, 2009 06:57 pm (UTC)
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It's good he apologized, and it's good you still held him responsible. I hope he's learned something.

About the whole kerfuffle: one of the things that causes cognitive dissonance in me is that we can be here on LJ, in certain circles, arguing over the nuances of cultural appropriation and what's truly "racist" behavior, and meanwhile, there are folks like this guy on Facebook, who leaves no doubt whatsoever. Or one of my students a few years ago, a senior in college, who stated, "There's no such thing as a racist text." After the level of discourse I'm used to, things like this just leave me with my jaw on the floor, not even knowing how to begin to respond. Lucky for me, there were other students ready to jump in and tell him how wrong he is while I figure it out. And it has to be addressed. How else is he ever going to know?
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From:janeanger
Date:January 31st, 2009 06:02 am (UTC)
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I was in an African American Literature course a few years ago where one of the few white students (and I was one of them) stupidly dared to say something to the effect of, "But racism doesn't exist anymore!" I literally slammed my head on the desk in front of me when he said it, and the professor said, "I think [janeanger] summed it up best..." But then, of course, other students and the professor had to explain to this misinformed soul how wrong he was.
[User Picture]
From:kammgirl
Date:January 30th, 2009 08:12 pm (UTC)
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Oh I missed the whole thing. I'll have to go back and read your last entry. You handled this with good grace.
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From:smrou
Date:January 30th, 2009 08:17 pm (UTC)
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I really don't understand how what he said could be considered a joke even among a group of good friends who like to tease each other. I really can't see a context in which it could be just lighthearted fun.

However, at least he did make an apology that I think was genuine. It does sound like at the very least he feels bad about his comment, and I think your response is appropriate.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 30th, 2009 08:24 pm (UTC)
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I really don't understand how what he said could be considered a joke even among a group of good friends who like to tease each other. I really can't see a context in which it could be just lighthearted fun.
I think if you're comfortable enough with each other, you can say shit like that as long as you expect to get similar shit back, you know? When you both know it's in jest and you're just messing around. Although I am, admittedly, having trouble imagining a situation in which his specific comment would work.
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From:ashfae
Date:January 30th, 2009 08:24 pm (UTC)
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Good for him and good for you. Yay for sensible conversations.
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From:sinca
Date:January 30th, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC)
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You're much kinder than I am, because I think that's kind of a shit apology. Not the old "But I have friends that are [insert demographic here], I couldn't possibly have meant offense!" defense!

But all that matters really is that you're cool with it. That was a great response.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:January 30th, 2009 08:44 pm (UTC)
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I was waiting for someone to have your response! I was kind of surprised that most people agreed with me that it was a good apology because I was certain they would jump on exactly what you did. But he seemed regretful enough that I let it go.
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From:punzerel
Date:January 30th, 2009 09:00 pm (UTC)
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The last line of your response is PERFECT.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 30th, 2009 09:04 pm (UTC)
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Thanks, but it's totally hypocritical since I am certain I judge people based on very little...I just don't make offensive jokes about them.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:January 30th, 2009 09:44 pm (UTC)
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I'm too wimpy also, but I wanted to look cool in front of you guys.
(Deleted comment)

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