Polter-Cow (spectralbovine) wrote,
Polter-Cow
spectralbovine

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Grammar Police, Arrest This Man

He spells in maths, he conjugates a fridge.

It is time to bring some of my grammar lessons from TWoP to the world of LJ. Please use them in your everyday life, your fanfic, your published materials, your neighbor's dog.



lie -> lay -> lain and lay -> laid -> laid

The thing to remember, always, is that "lie" is intransitive and "lay" is transitive. That is, you can lay things but you can't lie things. You lie down when you recline, but you lay something down when you place it in a supine position. Also, you can lay people.

"Veronica lays a book on her desk and then lies on her bed."

"Veronica laid a book on her desk and then lay on her bed."

"Veronica had laid a book on her desk and then had lain on her bed."

"Veronica laid Logan upon her bed; he lay there for a while before she began to lay him."



If you are hanging a picture: hang -> hung -> hung. If you are hanging a person: hang -> hanged -> hanged.



PUBLIC FUCKING SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

your = belonging to you

you're = you are

WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED RAPE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE



So, speaking of contractions:

their -> belonging to them

they're -> they are

there -> not here

OKAY BYE PLZTHX



Kalbear sez:

I was just thinking the other day that my love for Polter-Cow knows no bounds since he went through the whole homonym education thing.

If he had taught everyone the difference between Loose and Lose, I would have proposed marriage immediately. We'd need to go to Boston, but it would still be okay.


Oh sweet Christ on a stick, my ire knows no bounds.

loose - part of speech: A MOTHERFUCKING ADJECTIVE - not tight - "That casinobaden13kissyboots sure is one loose woman."

lose - part of speech: A MOTHERFUCKING VERB - to misplace, to not win - "If you go around loosing your wallet, YOU LOSE AT GRAMMAR."



I'm bored. Let's do another one.

definately - NOT A FUCKING WORD

definitely - very much so a fucking word, consisting of the prefix de-, the root -finite- (yes, just like in infinite, which people seem to have no problems with), and the suffix -ly

It's not that hard, people. I promise.



fishinginthemudhealing fish sez:

I have a feeling there's a difference between "then" and "than," but it's just a hunch.

You are so very correct, and the difference is as great as the difference between having Logan call Veronica "Ronnie" with affection in your fic and getting my foot up your ass. No, wait, there's no difference at all there.

then - not now - as in "We used to be friends back then, a long time ago"

than - completely undefinable with mere words, but it's the one you use for comparison - as in, "Logan's cojones are bigger than Weevil's, I checked"



WildeChild sez:

Okay P-C, what are your feelings on amongst vs. between?

Do you share chocolate amongst your friends or do you share chocolate between your friends?

Or do you just eat it all yourself. I know that is what I'd do.


Between is for two people, amongst is for more than two. But I think I personally probably just use "between" for everything cause "amongst" is kind of a dumb word.



And now it's time for another edition of Polter-Cow Grammar Theater!

Dramatis Grammatica:
its, a possessive pronoun
it's, a contraction

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE
Setting: The entire world

its: You know, I wish the world would make up its fucking mind.
it's: Seriously! It's getting kind of ridiculous.
its: It's not that hard, really.
it's: You underestimate its difficulty, my friend. Apostrophes can be tricky buggers!
its: You're right. If we were talking about something that belonged to Veronica, we would say it was Veronica's.
it's: That doesn't make any sense. What are you talking about? It belongs to Veronica; it's not a bunch of Veronica clones.
its: No, I used an apostrophe! Didn't you hear me?
it's: You can't hear an apostrophe, you ass. It's the reason people can't tell us the fuck apart.
its: I'm the reason?!
it's: IT IS the reason people can't tell us the fuck apart.
its: Oh! So with the apostrophe, it's like a contraction, kind of like any other subjective pronoun with an apostrophe.
it's: By George, I think he's got it.
its: But what about the possessive? I want an apostrophe too!
it's: No, bitch. Look at all the other pronouns. He's got his, and she's got her, and they've got their. What the hell do I have? I can't do two things at once! I have too much television to watch.
its: Hey, have you been watching Veronica Mars?
it's: Yeah, it's a great show. Hey, see how I totally used myself properly?
its: Oh, that's cake. It's when people try to use the possessive that the shit hits its fan.
it's: Its fan? The fuck?
its: Hey, I was stretching for a gratuitous example. Lay off.
it's: Are you sure you don't mean lie off?
its: Go to hell.
Tags: spelling and grammar nazi, twop, vm4
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