I'm a huge Garbage fan, you guys. Numbers don't lie. This is going to be awesome. And she's keeping her Scottish accent!
SPEAKING OF THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME:
If you didn't watch the rerun before the finale, you probably didn't hear about the added press conference scenes.
The rerun also included ABC's high-tech pop-up technology, and, oh my God, it is THE MOST INANE THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. They pop up every fucking second to explain things to people who have NEVER SEEN AN EPISODE OF LOST. Or perhaps LACK THE COGNITIVE SKILLS OF A CHIMPANZEE. Seriously, they fucking explain every little piece of dialogue, every character action. Like when Ben is all, "You heard Locke. We're going to move the Island." And then the little pop-up says, "In the previous episode, 'Cabin Fever,' Locke received instructions from Jacob to move the island."
OH. REALLY. YOU THINK?
"In the previous episode, Desmond chose to stay on the boat." You know what? I think I got that from the part where Desmond is on the boat. "Sun and Jin did not know Michael was on the boat." Oooooh. I did not get that from THEIR REACTIONS.
They fill in every possible mental gap. It's so frickin' irritating. Once in a while, they're remotely helpful by mentioning relevant shit from many episodes and/or seasons ago, but most of the time, it's stupid shit.
Anyway, the most important thing we learned in the extended press conference was that the three people who died on the Island (8 got off the boat, 5 survived, and Aaron is the +1) were Boone, Libby, and Charlie. Which is a really odd mix. Why Boone and not Shannon? What's the story of Michael? Don't they hate him? It would be fun to make him fake die, right? Maybe the people they chose have no hidden meaning (because if they did, perhaps they would have told us so IN THE ORIGINAL AIRING).
I really wanted that question answered, though, so it was cool to hear. But it made one of the reporter's questions completely ludicrous in this version: she asks if Jin was one of the people who died on the Island. But...Jack just told her the three people who died on the Island! That's sloppy as hell.
The other new question was about Sayid's and Jack's future plans. Sayid says there's nothing in Iraq for him, and Jack's not sure about what his plans are except that he wants to have a funeral for his dad.
The rest of the episode is normal, so let's move onto the new stuff!!
They picked up from the end of the S3 finale! Nice!! And they name the dude in the coffin as...Jeremy Bentham. Which I could swear is actually the name people picked up from the shot of the obituary last year, but no one knew what the fuck it meant. And, like most people, I heard "Jeremy Bentham."
The first half was a lot of setup, really. Like I said before, I love the crazy direction the storytelling has taken this season because it's creating excitement by spoiling you on purpose. So you can see that the Others' taking out the mercenaries and making a deal with Kate and Sayid gets the rest of the Oceanic Six on the chopper. But, wait, Sawyer's on the chopper! Shit shit shit! So you're waiting to see what happens to him, and, sure enough, he jumps out of the damn thing in a noble sacrifice.
Meanwhile, in the future, Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalt grew the fuck up! Damn. I think they had to incorporate time travel just to make Malcolm David Kelley's growth spurt make sense for the character. Although, come to think of it, there's no time travel involved there. They got him off the Island in time, and he grew naturally to 2007.
And then underground, dude, it's the Orchid video! If you want to see more, check it out!! And that's been around since last year. They showed it at Comic-Con!
"If you mean time-traveling bunnies, then yes" has to be one of the best lines ever on this show.
Oh! And what the fuck is up with Miles and Charlotte and Faraday?? What does Miles know about Charlotte? I thought they were all supposed to be strangers. And was Charlotte born on the Island? I thought pregnant women died on the Island. And did Faraday know the ship was going to blow up? Or did he know about moving the Island?
And back to Ben: "So?" Holy shit, that's cold. But he was emotional! I still love you, Ben! You weren't thinking straight! He killed your daughter! Well, your fake daughter. But your love was real.
So, the boat! Just how many of the Lostaways were on that boat? Faraday only made one or two trips, right? He was only able to bring a dozen or so people from the Island, which was why it was so weird that he was all, "You have to be on this next trip, trust me!" This is an essential question for me because I wasn't completely sure about it during the show. There's no way he brought over nearly everyone only to GET THEM ALL BLOWN UP, right? There are regular Nikkis and Paolos still left on the actual Island? Next season is going to have fewer extras, eh?
Man, those freaky whispers are freaky. And Jack's dad! WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE? ALSO IS CLAIRE DEAD OR WHAT?
(I find it ironic that Michael's fake mission was to blow up the boat. And here he is...blowing up with the boat.)
Jin! Nooooooo. Sun's screaming struck my damn soul.
Ben's apology for making Locke's life "so miserable" was odd. Has he really made Locke's life, specifically, more miserable than others'? And did he mean his life before the Island too? Who sent Alpert to him all those years ago? Ben was just a kid growing up in New Otherton at the time.
But what the fuck was that random cold-ass room in the middle of the Island?? And there's just this GIANT WHEEL THAT YOU CAN TURN WTF. And that's how Ben ends up in the desert. In 2005.
The Island just disappearing like that? WAS TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME. I am somewhat disappointed that they didn't even tease us with where or when it turns up. Also, I'm sure they did this long, long ago, but this means they have officially completely and utterly thrown out the old "There's a plausible scientific explanation for everything, we promise."
What happened to Faraday?? Didn't he fucking watch the Island disappear? Was he in the field? I mean, otherwise, that raft is just stranded in the ocean forever, and that's just not right! DESMOND HAS TO BE HIS CONSTANT.
Aaaaugh helicopter crash. I was so afraid for Desmond. But Jack didn't have to do craaaaazy CPR this time! Regular CPR worked just fine. Whew.
And it's PENNY'S BOAT! NOT NOT PENNY'S BOAT! Penny and Desmond! Yay!! She tracked him from his phone call! That actually makes sense and is not just a contrivance that a boat finally arrives just at this time!
I thought the whole thing about the Lie was really weirdly done. Because the idea originally came from Locke, who wanted to protect the Island. And when Jack brings up that they're going to have to lie, everyone is all, "Whaaaaaaat?" Because...the truth makes a lot of sense? Were they really going to tell people they were on this crazy island with a smoke monster and polar bears and hatches and all manner of weird shit? A cover story seems like a damn sensible thing, really. And Jack frames the motive in a different way (to protect the people on the Island), but he uses this weird phrase: "What if they find out that wasn't the plan?" What wasn't the plan? I didn't understand that. I understand that people came to kill everyone on the Island, and if they think there are still people alive on the Island, they will try to kill them again, but what if who finds out what plan?
(I love the Internet! Kate's weird phone call before the Claire scare? Reversed audio. Listen for yourself! Creepy times!)
Finally, we're back to the FLASH/FORWARD funeral parlor. We never saw what caused Jack's breakdown, did we? We met him all bearded and angsty at the beginning of the finale last year? If you piece together the flash-forwards, there's sort of a jump from regular Jack to crazy Jack. Anyway...it's not Ben in the coffin! Woohoo! Instead, it's LOCKE! Which...wait, why is he off the Island?? Locke would never leave that place. Did he move the Island again and get banished? If he did, would his body be allowed back? And when Ben says that everyone needs to go back, does he mean Walt too? Also, WHY DID HE MOVE THE ISLAND IN THE FIRST PLACE? BECAUSE JACOB SAID SO? WHAT DID IT ACCOMPLISH? WHO THE FUCK IS JACOB? WHAT IS GOING ON?
I love this show.
And since we need as large a sample size as possible on this:
Which would you rather have?
Regenerating salami foot
Regenerating cheese hand