Polter-Cow (spectralbovine) wrote,

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J.J. Abrams, You Psychotic Motherfucker

First, my covers post at audiography has been absurdly well received (it's "fantastic" and a "treasure trove"!), so if you like covers, head on over there and download to your heart's content.

Now, on to J.J. Abrams and his Cliffhangers of DOOOOOOOM!!

Lost was great. I love any episode where I say "Fuck!" or "Holy fuck!" several times.

Arzt being the voice of the audience, recognizing the little clique of main characters who ignore the rest of the survivors. In perhaps some sort of meta statement, he gets blown up. Good job, Arzt. The island brought you here to blow you up.

That boat had slaves? How the fuck long has it been there?!

Hurley really should have offered to carry the dynamite, since he's protected.

The Danielle shit was great. She came back to steal Claire's fucking baby and trade it. Damn. Also, I hate Charlie. You're the pathetic one, you junkie. Also, having a gun wouldn't have done a goddamn thing because you were with Sayid when she took the baby, you ass. That being said, Charlie was responsible for yet another "Fuck!" when they came across the plane. And Sayid flashes the neon sign of "DRUGS! DRUGS! DRUGS!" That's dramatic irony, folks!

And shit, the security system crap was crazy. What was that weird shadowy thing? Is Nightcrawler on the damn island? And then the exploding ground squirrels attacked and Locke was scared this time. None of this "I looked into the eye of the island, and it was beautiful" business. Crazy intense fun right there.

The Jack/Locke conflict finally comes to a very overt head, as Jack realizes Locke is kind of nutty. You may not believe in fate, Jack, but fate believes in you! And speaking of fate, poor doomed Hurley. Fate tried not to, it tried not to, but you wouldn't go away! Gate 23.

Loved that the numbers reveal was identical to the original hatch reveal. It's always about a flashlight. And then Hurley went completely batshit, like maybe he was in that mental institution, huh? That was kind of creepy and I was afraid he'd get blowed up.

And the hatch leads to...a broken ladder down to the heart of the island. Your plan sucks, Locke! You can't fit everyone in there! So, who's going down first? Hurley can't fit. He'll stay and guard the leftover dynamite.

Meanwhile, Shannon loves Sayid again because he's hot when he's wet.

And the raft people! OMG THE RAFT PEOPLE. Have Michael and Sawyer had this much interaction before? That was interesting. And holy God, the radar! No, don't use the damn flare, you don't what it is! Don't waste the fuckin fl—fine. See, look it went awa—well fuck. It's probably some dino—shit, it's a boat. Well, it's probably full of evil pe—no, wait, I was right. But the fuck did they want with Walt?! Did they know he has special powers? Is there some sort of black market for little black kids? Is he going to be a kiddie whore? What the hell is going on and OMG THEY BLEW UP THE FUCKING RAFT. They'd better not be dead, cause that would suck. And shit, the people on the island have no idea. Aaaaaah!!

So I thought it was great, and I'm tired of everyone whining and bitching about not getting answers, because I never even notice whether or not things are answered or not; I'm enjoying the fucking ride. I ask for entertainment and plot advancement, and I got it. It's not the destination that matters but the journey, and I'm having a hell of a lot of fun on this journey.

But what of Alias? Well, J.J. totally saw 28 Days Later.

Hey, look, it's the One Horse of the Apocalypse!

It was a fun and exciting episode, with the Rambaldi prophecy coming to fruition in kind of a twisted way. Because Rambaldi's message was "peace," and the contaminated water was supposed to bring about peace, but then the Big Red Ball hijacked the peace and turned it into violence.

jeeperstseepers brings up this awesome point, though. Sloane always drank from his own water, his own pitcher or water bottle. Because he didn't want to be contaminated.

Jack Bristow. Holy crap. Torture is fun. He really fucking enjoys it. And Irina shot her sister in the head. And Sloane shot Nadia. There was a lot of shooting. But Sydney saved the world, yay.

But then the end. Haaaaa, the end. I doubt J.J. thought of this at the beginning, and I'm sure it will be something silly to be resolved before the credits of the first episode next season, but still. My heart almost skipped a beat when they were hit by the car. That was brutal shit, it looked like they sped up the film or something.

What's Michael Vaughn's real name? Albus Dumbledore? Keyser Soze? Sidney Bristow?
Tags: alias, lost, music, tv
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