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Smallville 4x21 Forever: Commentary by Fish and Cow - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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May 14th, 2005

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10:26 pm - Smallville 4x21 Forever: Commentary by Fish and Cow
There was a Buffy episode called "Forever," and it was better than this. Tonight's references include Lost, Veronica Mars, Wonderfalls, and one special LiveJournal user. Your teaser, as always:

fishinginthemud: they watch every clark and lana scene every morning before breakfast
Spectral Bovine: You're going to sign away your sooooul!
Spectral Bovine: This show is all about choosing and betraying.
FishingInTheMud: he has a big penis
Spectral Bovine: And see, Viggo and Jensen? BOTH WEIRD NAMES.
FishingInTheMud: clark finally realizes that bo is an idiot

Spectral Bovine: All right, are you ready?
FishingInTheMud: let's wax
Spectral Bovine: Start five seconds after you get this.
Spectral Bovine: School's out forever? Is this Sunnydale?
Spectral Bovine: I'll bet he's evil.
FishingInTheMud: of course he is
FishingInTheMud: he's nice to chloe
Spectral Bovine: I like how we've seen him in so many episodes before.
Spectral Bovine: Whoa, Hitchcockian angle there.
Spectral Bovine: Vincent? Is that you?
FishingInTheMud: chloe's gonna get killed
FishingInTheMud: dirty
Spectral Bovine: This is like three miles away.
Spectral Bovine: How did she hear anything?
FishingInTheMud: she has superhearing
Spectral Bovine: She's drinking water BACKWARDS!
FishingInTheMud: SHE'S ALIVE
Spectral Bovine: AND WAXY.
Spectral Bovine: Phone's dead, Chloe.
Spectral Bovine: The phone is always dead.
Spectral Bovine: The windows are unbreakable.
FishingInTheMud: that's the first thing in the handbook
Spectral Bovine: And...um...the doors are locked.
Spectral Bovine: What the hell?
Spectral Bovine: Brick wall?
Spectral Bovine: Is this a dream?
Spectral Bovine: Is she insane?
FishingInTheMud: um
Spectral Bovine: Oh!
Spectral Bovine: She is insane!
Spectral Bovine: She's got mental problems, remember?
FishingInTheMud: somebody save her

Spectral Bovine: Credits!
Spectral Bovine: Jensen Ackles has a pilot next season.
Spectral Bovine: With Dean. They go around investigating things.
FishingInTheMud: i hope he actually has a meaningful part on that show

Spectral Bovine: Act I!
Spectral Bovine: Clark can't make his own decisions.
FishingInTheMud: he wants to go to hick college
Spectral Bovine: Central Kansas?
Spectral Bovine: Like...CK?
FishingInTheMud: HA
Spectral Bovine: OH SNAP.
Spectral Bovine: Of course it's about Lana.
FishingInTheMud: everything is about either lana or bo
Spectral Bovine: Your destiny lies in Ohio!
Spectral Bovine: Ohio, Clark!
Spectral Bovine: Land of....Stuff!
FishingInTheMud: bo has a farm to run
FishingInTheMud: OH SNAP
FishingInTheMud: bo brought out the big guns
Spectral Bovine: Where kid sisters marry Australians and then send them back Down Under.
FishingInTheMud: chloe's investigatey
Spectral Bovine: The hell?
Spectral Bovine: This guy is psycho. And also not hot.
FishingInTheMud: we knew he was evil
FishingInTheMud: trying to keep her in high school
FishingInTheMud: she didn't have everything!
Spectral Bovine: Dude, college is way better than high school, ass.
FishingInTheMud: she never had clark!
Spectral Bovine: This guy is a terrible actor.
Spectral Bovine: And I don't normally notice those things.
FishingInTheMud: and has apparently never heard of safety schools
FishingInTheMud: aw, poor wendy
Spectral Bovine: Wendell is Waxell!
Spectral Bovine: He's covered in icing!
FishingInTheMud: he does look like a cake
FishingInTheMud: with eyes
FishingInTheMud: happy birthday!
Spectral Bovine: Wait, now what?
Spectral Bovine: Are they all playing along?
FishingInTheMud: ooh, redness
Spectral Bovine: What happened?
FishingInTheMud: it's really over, clark
FishingInTheMud: finally
Spectral Bovine: Dude!
Spectral Bovine: That's continuity!
FishingInTheMud: since you've been in high school for eighty thousand years
Spectral Bovine: They remember things!
FishingInTheMud: wow!
Spectral Bovine: From the first episode!
FishingInTheMud: go almiles!
FishingInTheMud: but it involves clark and lana, so they won't forget it
FishingInTheMud: they watch every clark and lana scene every morning before breakfast
Spectral Bovine: Why is she wearing so much lipstick?
FishingInTheMud: she's trying to not look 12
Spectral Bovine: Why is he wearing so much lipstick?
FishingInTheMud: he's not
FishingInTheMud: that's what color his lips are
FishingInTheMud: ew, pink robes?
FishingInTheMud: this is the gayest show ever
Spectral Bovine: So wait, he set up the high school somewhere else?
Spectral Bovine: Whoa!
FishingInTheMud: oh crap
Spectral Bovine: Is that a crazy dart?
Spectral Bovine: Or a deady dart?

Spectral Bovine: Act II!
FishingInTheMud: chopping wood
FishingInTheMud: how manly
FishingInTheMud: he's imagining that it's clark's head
Spectral Bovine: He doesn't need Clark.
Spectral Bovine: No one can, hello.
Spectral Bovine: HE'S GOT SUPERPOWERS.
FishingInTheMud: um, i'm scared of bo
FishingInTheMud: he's a psycho ax murderer
Spectral Bovine: Hire Lex!
Spectral Bovine: Lex helped out before.
FishingInTheMud: it would bring some much needed sexy
Spectral Bovine: It took maturity to not go out and try to live on your own?
FishingInTheMud: martha's so morbid
FishingInTheMud: who cares if bo dies?
Spectral Bovine: Whoa!
Spectral Bovine: Lana found a clue!
Spectral Bovine: It was about coffee.
Spectral Bovine: Lana knows coffee.
FishingInTheMud: lex mad!
Spectral Bovine: Lionel!
Spectral Bovine: Magnificent Bastard.
FishingInTheMud: with a weird haircut
Spectral Bovine: Jason, that's his name, right.
Spectral Bovine: Wait, Lionel's tied up too.
FishingInTheMud: and bloody!
FishingInTheMud: dr. quinn!
Spectral Bovine: That's for poisoning me!
Spectral Bovine: Lex wants everyone to trust him.
FishingInTheMud: lex has drool all over his chin
FishingInTheMud: these people are so poetic all the time
Spectral Bovine: Dude, Lana has the stone.
Spectral Bovine: Go kill her for it.
FishingInTheMud: YES
FishingInTheMud: lex cares if lionel dies?
Spectral Bovine: Lex luuurves his daddy.
FishingInTheMud: aw
FishingInTheMud: lois knows coffee
FishingInTheMud: but not like lana
FishingInTheMud: clark would never skip school
FishingInTheMud: he's not normal
Spectral Bovine: I didn't skip my last day of school.
Spectral Bovine: Shut up, Lois.
Spectral Bovine: Wait, I'm a nerd.
FishingInTheMud: lois has a point
Spectral Bovine: Ooh, she's kinda hot.
FishingInTheMud: clark thinks so too
FishingInTheMud: ooh, a clue
Spectral Bovine: Oooh.
Spectral Bovine: Clark is so smrt.
Spectral Bovine: He's like Veronica, putting the clues together.
FishingInTheMud: that is one maroon SUV
FishingInTheMud: or grape-colored
Spectral Bovine: Lana, why are you looking at the stone?
FishingInTheMud: she wants to remember what it looks like
FishingInTheMud: NO LANA DON'T
Spectral Bovine: You're going to sign away your sooooul!

Spectral Bovine: Act III!
FishingInTheMud: it's so dark in not-reality
Spectral Bovine: Who teaches the class?
Spectral Bovine: This is really creepy.
Spectral Bovine: This guy is so psycho.
FishingInTheMud: this is like my total nightmare
FishingInTheMud: i used to have this dream all the time
FishingInTheMud: but with even uglier guys
Spectral Bovine: You dreamt about being stuck in high school forever with a guy who could turn you into wax?
FishingInTheMud: only until graduation
Spectral Bovine: Reverse waxination!
Spectral Bovine: Wax on.
FishingInTheMud: why did you do it to lana?!
Spectral Bovine: Wax off.
FishingInTheMud: that was pointless
FishingInTheMud: chloe's acting responsible for this
FishingInTheMud: what the hell?
FishingInTheMud: oh
Spectral Bovine: Okay, wait, hold on.
Spectral Bovine: How can he be watching?
FishingInTheMud: chloe's creeping me out
Spectral Bovine: Is someone else watching?
Spectral Bovine: He was just there, how could he be looking at the cameras?
FishingInTheMud: he's magic
Spectral Bovine: Like trading cards!
FishingInTheMud: she needs to stop with that weird grin
Spectral Bovine: Who?
Spectral Bovine: They all have weird grins.
FishingInTheMud: chloe
FishingInTheMud: hers is scariest
Spectral Bovine: Torture!
FishingInTheMud: ooh, sweaty lex
FishingInTheMud: ooh, burned lex
FishingInTheMud: IN MY PANTS
Spectral Bovine: Reach into his pants, Quinn.
FishingInTheMud: lionel doesn't care if lex dies
FishingInTheMud: bad angle to play, doc
Spectral Bovine: He's got a little surprise for you.
FishingInTheMud: he's got a couple of stones
FishingInTheMud: aw, lionel
FishingInTheMud: LEX SHUT UP
Spectral Bovine: LANA IS THE CHOSEN ONE?
FishingInTheMud: UM
Spectral Bovine: WHO CHOSE HER?
Spectral Bovine: A DYSLEXIC BUNNY?
FishingInTheMud: dr. quinn hates lana
FishingInTheMud: now we have to like her
Spectral Bovine: Everyone needs to stop choosing.
Spectral Bovine: And betraying.
Spectral Bovine: This show is all about choosing and betraying.
Spectral Bovine: And sometimes people get turned to wax.
FishingInTheMud: she's touching his hand all oedipally
Spectral Bovine: Also, underestimating.
Spectral Bovine: With subterfuge.
Spectral Bovine: No, your descendants.
Spectral Bovine: Ten little Indians?
Spectral Bovine: This episode is ripping off House of Wax AND Mindhunters!
FishingInTheMud: your forty-year-old face gives me the creeps, lois
FishingInTheMud: AND PSYCHO
FishingInTheMud: norman bates
Spectral Bovine: And because the guy is psycho.
FishingInTheMud: clark's a dumbass
Spectral Bovine: Maybe his mother is watching them!
FishingInTheMud: i like that X over lana's face
FishingInTheMud: it goes with her complexion
Spectral Bovine: Nash? Like Nash Bridges?
Spectral Bovine: Hey, wait.
Spectral Bovine: Someone likes Chloe more than Lana!
Spectral Bovine: THANK GOD.
FishingInTheMud: i think she likes this guy
FishingInTheMud: she's really desperate
Spectral Bovine: Stepmonster?
FishingInTheMud: stepmonster!
FishingInTheMud: he's seen monster-in-law!
Spectral Bovine: Now it's ripping off Monster-in-Law!
FishingInTheMud: ouchie
Spectral Bovine: Stop falling, stupid girl!
Spectral Bovine: Wax on.
FishingInTheMud: she looks like lois with the bangs
Spectral Bovine: Holy fuck.
Spectral Bovine: Shit.
FishingInTheMud: that is the fakest looking head ever
Spectral Bovine: Balls.
FishingInTheMud: fake balls

Spectral Bovine: Act IV!
Spectral Bovine: The head was made of wax, dude.
Spectral Bovine: Of course it was fake.
FishingInTheMud: don't insult jason
FishingInTheMud: he has a big penis
Spectral Bovine: Pawn?
FishingInTheMud: excuse me, gun
Spectral Bovine: Now it's ripping off chess!
Spectral Bovine: Hey, I wonder if that bigmouth bass on the wall talks.
FishingInTheMud: it so has to sing
Spectral Bovine: GET HER WORDS OUT.
FishingInTheMud: that would make this episode so much better
Spectral Bovine: Ooh, chair-dancing.
FishingInTheMud: ouchie
FishingInTheMud: lex is a big boy
FishingInTheMud: he can handle the pain
Spectral Bovine: Ha.
Spectral Bovine: Don't look at him, idiots.
Spectral Bovine: Sneak away.
Spectral Bovine: SNEAK.
FishingInTheMud: and pause so he can catch up with you
Spectral Bovine: Like sneaker328SNeak would do.
FishingInTheMud: heh
FishingInTheMud: they're not wearing sneaker328SNeakers
FishingInTheMud: oh shit
FishingInTheMud: but lionel's not dead
Spectral Bovine: Don't shoot him again!
FishingInTheMud: he's incapable of dying
FishingInTheMud: aw, what a good son
FishingInTheMud: he'll take dirt to the eyes for daddy
Spectral Bovine: A cliff? With water?
Spectral Bovine: Now they're ripping off Lost!
Spectral Bovine: What about Lana?
Spectral Bovine: I thought Lana was the chosen one.
FishingInTheMud: lana is a given
FishingInTheMud: he doesn't even have to mention her
Spectral Bovine: Bye, Jason!
Spectral Bovine: He got shot in the shoulder.
FishingInTheMud: good luck, jensen!
Spectral Bovine: That's so not fatal.
FishingInTheMud: hope your new show is better than this one!
Spectral Bovine: If Aragorn could survive, so could he.
FishingInTheMud: but he fell in the water
FishingInTheMud: that's like three feet deep
Spectral Bovine: Just like Aragorn!
FishingInTheMud: he's not the king though
Spectral Bovine: And see, Viggo and Jensen? BOTH WEIRD NAMES.
FishingInTheMud: that's a good point, actually
FishingInTheMud: lois needs to buy some fucking fashion sense
Spectral Bovine: I think she looks fine.
FishingInTheMud: oh, that thin strip of metal will do so much damage
FishingInTheMud: actually, it will
FishingInTheMud: so never mind
Spectral Bovine: Hey, look, she got in without superpowers.
FishingInTheMud: good job, lois
Spectral Bovine: Stop! In the name of love!
FishingInTheMud: waxy
Spectral Bovine: Before you break my hand!
Spectral Bovine: Oh shit!
Spectral Bovine: Not Chloe!
FishingInTheMud: yeah, i'd say it's not chloe
Spectral Bovine: That doesn't look like Allison Mack at all.
FishingInTheMud: it even has a really bad wig
Spectral Bovine: Reeeally bad.
Spectral Bovine: Oops.
Spectral Bovine: Bad move, Lois.
Spectral Bovine: Damn.
Spectral Bovine: You know what?
Spectral Bovine: Nothing's shattered on Clark in a loooong time.
FishingInTheMud: what is this guy on about?
FishingInTheMud: and why does his hair suck so much?
FishingInTheMud: he didn't get into college
Spectral Bovine: BUT SHE'S MADE OF WAX.
FishingInTheMud: he didn't plan ahead
Spectral Bovine: SEX WITH WAX SUCKS.
FishingInTheMud: you...would know this how?
Spectral Bovine: Conjecture.
Spectral Bovine: What the hell?
Spectral Bovine: That was ridiculous.
FishingInTheMud: oh, crap
FishingInTheMud: she's unwaxed
Spectral Bovine: Why the hell does Clark have magical reverse waxination powers?
Spectral Bovine: The fuck?

Spectral Bovine: Act V!
FishingInTheMud: ew
Spectral Bovine: His eye can't close like that!
Spectral Bovine: The telescope? More continuity!
FishingInTheMud: he hasn't used his telescope in a long time
FishingInTheMud: he must have outgrown it
FishingInTheMud: heh heh
Spectral Bovine: Clark needs some privacy when he uses his telescope.
Spectral Bovine: Please don't talk about it all night.
FishingInTheMud: clark finally realizes that bo is an idiot
FishingInTheMud: it's a big moment
Spectral Bovine: That's footnote 32 in the life of Bo.
Spectral Bovine: Please see the bibliography for details.
FishingInTheMud: or don't, if that works for you
FishingInTheMud: it's about the kind of father clark is
Spectral Bovine: Hey, Clark?
Spectral Bovine: Remember when you were a father?
Spectral Bovine: And your son blew up?
FishingInTheMud: he doesn't remember things that happened last episode
FishingInTheMud: you can't expect him to
FishingInTheMud: hell, i hardly do
FishingInTheMud: aw, poor chloe
FishingInTheMud: taking down the weird wall
Spectral Bovine: Wait, aw, bye bye, Torch.
Spectral Bovine: I wonder what they'll do next year.
Spectral Bovine: Will we be in the Daily Planet all the time?
FishingInTheMud: hopefully it'll be less red
FishingInTheMud: and pink
FishingInTheMud: yeah, it does suck, chloe
FishingInTheMud: but at least you don't have to watch it
Spectral Bovine: Stuck in the past?
Spectral Bovine: Not moving on?
Spectral Bovine: Are you listening, Clark and Lana?
FishingInTheMud: lana's staying?!
Spectral Bovine: All the possibilities?
FishingInTheMud: ALL THE CLARK?
FishingInTheMud: OH GOD NO
Spectral Bovine: No, nothing changes!
Spectral Bovine: That is the way of this show!
Spectral Bovine: Shut up, Al and Miles!
FishingInTheMud: please, lord

Spectral Bovine: That wasn't nearly bad enough.
FishingInTheMud: it wasn't good, but it wasn't bad enough
Spectral Bovine: Cyb's recaplet was better.
FishingInTheMud: we can't all be cyb
Spectral Bovine: That is very true.
Current Mood: indifferentindifferent
Current Music: Aimee Mann - The Scientist (Live)

(7 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")


[User Picture]
Date:May 15th, 2005 02:53 am (UTC)
Spectral Bovine: Now it's ripping off Monster-in-Law!

Which totally ripped off Summer of the O.C. fame.

Or at least that was the first time I ever heard of the term "step-monster" and we all know that my body of knowledge encompasses that of the entire universe.
[User Picture]
Date:May 15th, 2005 05:10 am (UTC)
Ha! Even though I saw a total of two minutes of the show, I still thought it was funny. (The two minutes I saw? "Chloe would never not finish her latte!")

Best part?
Spectral Bovine: SEX WITH WAX SUCKS.
FishingInTheMud: you...would know this how?
Spectral Bovine: Conjecture.


pectral Bovine: You dreamt about being stuck in high school forever with a guy who could turn you into wax?
FishingInTheMud: only until graduation
Spectral Bovine: Reverse waxination!

You know, someday I want to have a cool and funny AIM conversation with you commenting on an episode. Do you have the Dr. Who pilot? We can do that!
[User Picture]
Date:May 15th, 2005 05:56 pm (UTC)
[self-centered TWoPer]Shoutout![/sct.]
[User Picture]
Date:May 15th, 2005 06:02 pm (UTC)
I think you're reaching, dude. Come on. How do you know we weren't referring to The Sneak and just having Shift key problems? IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU BUFFY SNEAKER.
[User Picture]
Date:May 15th, 2005 07:50 pm (UTC)
The Sneak? As in The Cheat's ancestor? Cool.
[User Picture]
Date:May 15th, 2005 07:53 pm (UTC)
How dost thou operate the telegramaphone whilst wearing gentleman's sporting gloves?
[User Picture]
Date:May 15th, 2005 08:19 pm (UTC)
If you have a caper, you know who to call.
It's the Sneak! It's the Sneak!

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