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How to Save the World (Cheerleader Not Included) - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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July 3rd, 2007


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07:48 pm - How to Save the World (Cheerleader Not Included)
Print out this coupon for a buy-one-get-one-free Jamba Juice, which expires tomorrow.

Step into the elevator, where an attractive brunette says, "Hi." Return her greeting and wonder if she would like a free Jamba Juice, and perhaps a good cuddle. Not out loud.

Drive to the nearest Jamba Juice. As you walk toward the establishment, notice an Asian woman also heading in the same direction. She is your likely target.

When you enter, another attractive brunette is already buying something. Behind her is an older woman. The Asian woman gets in line behind her and begins fidgeting with her cell phone. Try to figure out some way to ask her if she would like a free smoothie. Fail to bother her and get out of line, waiting for another mark. Some other people come in, but they speak Spanish, and you don't want to deal with a language barrier.

Lament that the attractive brunette was this close to being your hapless victim. Notice that a large bearded man is now poised to order.

Walk up beside him and say, "Excuse me. Do you want a free smoothie?"

He gives you a glance. "No," he says.

Pull out the coupon and explain to him that you have a buy-one-get-one-free coupon, and you are alone. A little surprised, he says sure. "We'll go half and half," he says. Ignore him.

Go up to the cashier, order a Strawberry Whirl, and hand the woman the coupon. "Buy one get one free?" she asks, looking at the man behind you.

Still a little confused, he orders a Strawberry Nirvana, but in the Original size, which is larger than you intended to get. Upgrade your own order. "I thought it was a scam!" he says.

Say, "I'm just doing good work."

"You're a blessing," the cashier says. Pay for the drinks, ignoring the fact that the man pulled out his wallet.

She comes back with the receipt to sign. "You're a blessing," she repeats. "God is watching, and it will be coming back to you."

You sign. "Thanks!" says the man, and it's the most sincere gratitude you have heard in a long time. It actually makes you feel good to hear, to have caused such a reaction in someone.

Wait for your drinks, but don't talk to each other. That would be awkward. When the smoothies arrive, hand his to him and take your own.

"Thanks," he says again. "That was really cool of you."

Say, "You're welcome."

Plan to do it again tomorrow.
Current Mood: rejuvenatedrejuvenated
Current Music: Stabbing Westward and Wink - Torn Apart

(39 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:raelee
Date:July 4th, 2007 02:59 am (UTC)
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You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
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From:abbylee
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:05 am (UTC)
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:12 am (UTC)
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Whoa. Each heart is a different color! That's hardcore hearting there.
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From:abbylee
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:18 am (UTC)
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Even more lame - I tested out like 6 different colours and then decided that maybe I was spending a little too much time on it.

But mostly, your story deserved a little extra effort on my part because it made me smile. The little kindnesses are sometimes the most special.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:21 am (UTC)
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Aw. I'm glad it made you smile. Now this one act is working double-duty! And I hope it inspires people to do it themselves.

Tomorrow is National Buy Someone a Free Smoothie Day!
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From:punzerel
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:07 am (UTC)
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You are such a good-hearted person. I think the world should reward you by having tomorrow provide you with a cute girl to enjoy the fruits of your coupon instead of a bearded dude. (Not that bearded dudes aren't cool - I am in love with one - but I assume they are not exactly your type in the way that pretty brunettes are...)
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:11 am (UTC)
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I agree! Are you listening, world?
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From:schnappycat
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:24 am (UTC)
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Aw, I feel partly responsible!

I should go get another tomorrow. Yum!
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:27 am (UTC)
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Thanks for pointing it out to me!

You should go get another tomorrow, and give a free one to someone else.
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From:super_hoodzie_x
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:29 am (UTC)
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actually, the exact same thing happened to my mother and i. This woman in jamba juice saw us ordering and told us she had two buy-one-get-one coupons, so she gave us one. i thought it was really nice of her :D GOOD KARMA IS COMING TO YOU.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:32 am (UTC)
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Awww, yay!! I'm going to pass out some coupons tomorrow too. They expire; they'll be worthless soon anyway!
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From:super_hoodzie_x
Date:July 4th, 2007 04:15 am (UTC)
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when you say "expires july 4" does that mean i can use it tomorrow? i could never figure that out.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 4th, 2007 04:20 am (UTC)
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It means July 4 is the last day you can use it.
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From:ahtrap
Date:July 5th, 2007 07:47 am (UTC)

darn

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that's the second time I've managed to waste a free jamba juice coupon this summer alone. Maybe one of these years, I'll actually go back there....
(Deleted comment)
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From:cerulgalactus
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:52 am (UTC)
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Would that I could, good sir. Alas, I have no Jamba Juice near me, and the nearest juicebars - while recognising me as a "regular", do not have any 2-for-1 coupons. I will, however, keep my eye open for such advertising.
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From:glasseseater
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:53 am (UTC)
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that's so awesome of you!

I don't know if I would be willing to drive to DC just to give someone a free smoothie.

okay, that's a lie. I probably will.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 4th, 2007 04:21 am (UTC)
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Aw. You should! *hugs*
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From:glasseseater
Date:July 4th, 2007 08:22 am (UTC)
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oh no, i just realized jamba juice is not the smoothie place on K street but in fact the one in the GW student center. people that can afford $40,000 a year in tuition probably don't need me to buy them a smoothie. also they can smell when you don't belong there.
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From:behindpyramids
Date:July 4th, 2007 04:09 am (UTC)
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You rock.

and this story made my day.

Thank you.
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From:sabra_n
Date:July 4th, 2007 04:13 am (UTC)
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Aw, I used to do that with leftover food points in college. It's nice, isn't it?

-blue
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 4th, 2007 04:21 am (UTC)
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It is! Why let things go to waste?
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From:catatonia00
Date:July 4th, 2007 04:41 am (UTC)
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Snaps for good deads. I love that of all the hawt potentials, the beneficiary ended up being a random bearded dude.
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From:shamoogity
Date:July 4th, 2007 04:50 am (UTC)
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This totally brightened my day. If there were a Jamba Juice here I would do the same tomorrow as well.
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From:the_partyman
Date:July 4th, 2007 05:17 am (UTC)
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I say that tomrrow there shall be only cute girls in Jamba Juice! Cute girls and you. All day.
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From:miss_katelynne
Date:July 4th, 2007 06:00 am (UTC)
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You are a blessing and God is watching!! Now... put on some pants!!!
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 4th, 2007 06:08 am (UTC)
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I am wearing pants. It's a shirt I'm not wearing.
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From:incidentist
Date:July 4th, 2007 06:27 am (UTC)
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Yay!

I'll send cute brunette karma vibes your way.
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From:sterope
Date:July 4th, 2007 09:02 am (UTC)
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Aww! That's so nice. One time I was in line to buy tickets to see a Broadway show and this woman who had season tickets gave me one of hers since her season ticket pal wasn't able to come to the show, and she didn't let me pay for it. It was pretty cool. People doing randomly nice things really makes up for all the shitty people that exist. Go you!
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From:etherealclarity
Date:July 4th, 2007 02:18 pm (UTC)
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That's adorable!!!!! :D
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From:shpyum
Date:July 4th, 2007 03:23 pm (UTC)
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As awesome as this story is, I'm concerned deeply about the idea that Jamba will save the world. If so, was I too hasty in turning down the management position they offered me?

These are things I worry about before coffee.
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From:latropita
Date:July 4th, 2007 04:33 pm (UTC)
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Awww. That's very sweet of you. Seriously, how do you not have all the ladies?

Hmm. I wonder if there's a Jamba Juice in my area.
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From:upanashad
Date:July 4th, 2007 06:32 pm (UTC)
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Wait for your drinks, but don't talk to each other. That would be awkward.

Only you.

I hope today it's a cute girl.
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From:iheartbridges
Date:July 4th, 2007 08:12 pm (UTC)
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Plan to do it again tomorrow.
You do rock. Find yourself an attractive brunette, though.
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From:ahtrap
Date:July 5th, 2007 07:46 am (UTC)

not free smoothie cool, but....

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This coupon book or that coupon book has these $2.00 off a movie ticket, for up to 4 people, but me and Delana never manage to use 'em when we go to the movies with people....usually because those are Saturday morning matinees, or we arrive separately and they've already bought tickets, etc.

So for the last three years, in the last week before the coupon expire, we've gone to a movie, and waited for another couple to walk through the door before proceeding to the counter. And it always takes a second explanation, and on one occasion, a second couple, before we're able to convince 'em, that yes, we are actually offering them a chance to get into the movies for $4 less than they were ready to spend. That yes, we're offering them a chance to get artery-clogging fake buttered popcorn for essentially free, if they choose to look at it that way, or maybe one of those giant licorice ropes, what do I care, I just want to take the theater for all they're offering me/us, and you are the lucky recipient of their largesse, just for having come into the theater at the same time I did. And no one gets it, or accepts it on the first explanation. Weird.

Reminds of the time that I got free tickets to a concert, couldn't manage to get anyone to go with me, and then had to go through three people before I could GIVE AWAY A TOTALLY FREE TICKET!

It's like people are so cynical that they can't believe that good things could possibly still happen in this day and age. And while I'm probably the last person who should be cracking on the cynical, there you have it....
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 5th, 2007 03:07 pm (UTC)

Re: not free smoothie cool, but....

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Nice! And you're right, people are immediately suspect of anything that looks good.
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From:daynr
Date:July 5th, 2007 02:29 pm (UTC)
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I love that all of them are attractive. that's awesome.

I think you should really ask someone in an elevator if they'd like a good cuddle.
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From:cucumbersarnies
Date:July 6th, 2007 06:43 am (UTC)
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You are very sweet. Come here and let me give you a hug.
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From:pixie37373
Date:July 9th, 2007 10:30 pm (UTC)
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You are seriously one of the best people EVER.

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