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Why Do All Women Taste Like Strawberries? - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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May 6th, 2007


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10:54 pm - Why Do All Women Taste Like Strawberries?
I had this master plan, see. upanashad had sent me home last week with some yummy raspberry cheesecake on a nifty plate, so I decided to surprise her pre-Entourage to return the plate with a dessert atop it. Except she has all these crazy dietary restrictions, so I wasn't sure where I could get her something. Safeway was a bust.

Trader Joe's claimed to have gluten-free chocolate-covered bananas, so I stopped there on the way. And Trader Joe's is packed on Sundays, let me tell you. There was quite a lot of activity, and I'd never been in there before, so finding things was not as easy as I thought. I perused the frozen foods and got some free samples of chips and salsa and strawberry lemonade. Finally, I asked someone where the chocolate-covered bananas were, and he checked and said they were out, that they were sort of off-and-on. What the shit is that?

I looked for alternatives. They had meringues, but meringues were risky because not everyone likes meringues. Even chocolate meringues. I found a flourless chocolate cake, but you had to buy the whole cake, and I didn't exactly know upanashad's stance on chocolate. I kept trying to remember everything I'd ever seen her eat in an attempt to figure out what would work.

Finally, I gave up and went with the fail-safe, which was strawberries. Trader Joe's sold both regular strawberries and Extra Sweet Premium Strawberries, which must have been touched by God or something. They were seventy cents more, and I figured that since they were more expensive, they must be better, right? I grabbed a container.

Now to purchase them, which looked like it was going to take longer than I intended. The line for the express lane went far into the aisle. In fact, every single line went far into the aisle. I kept moving toward the back, counting on people's laziness, and lo and behold, the lines at the other end only had a few people in them. They had a lot of items, but I was positive the line would move faster than the actual express lane.

I waited for a few minutes, holding my strawberries, when I looked down and noticed that there was a tiny little bug crawling on one of the strawberries. It had tiny little wings. I just looked at it, baffled. Maybe that was normal? It was the strawberry fly, which made strawberries taste better?

As much as I didn't want to get out of line, I gave up my cushy spot to go back to produce. I asked someone if there were supposed to be a bug in my strawberries. I tried to show it to him, but it was hiding, little bastard. He said that, no, it wasn't supposed to have a bug, and he would take it in the back since it was probably spoiled. I closely inspected my next container for bugs before heading back into the fray.

My previous line had gotten a little longer, but it was still better than the express lane. I waited and checked the time frequently. Waited, waited, waited. Just like Raine Maida.

As the man ahead of the the woman ahead of me was checking out, she turned me to and asked, "Is that all you have?" I said, "Yeah," and she waved me ahead of her.

"Thank you!" I said. She is my Hero for the Day.

As I paid for my strawberries, she said, "You just looked so [im?]patient, standing there with your strawberries. 'Please, please, won't someone let me go?' I'm sure you're in a rush to get those back somewhere." It occurred to me that, yeah, one doesn't usually go to the store and buy one thing unless you really need that one thing right now.

I told her that I was actually delivering it to a friend. She said she'd appreciate it. Much like I appreciated her letting me go ahead of her!

This story actually gives me a good opportunity to work in a little PSA I've been meaning to post. It involves five little words you should learn: "I don't need a bag." Seriously, if you can carry it yourself, do so. Don't waste a bag! I don't know all the evils of plastic bags, but I'm sure they're evil in some way, and if you can easily avoid evil, why don't you?

So, what have we learned from this Tale from Trader Joe's? Be considerate to your fellow human, and be considerate to the environment! Perhaps they will do you the same courtesy one day.
Current Mood: hothot
Current Music: Eddie from Ohio - Bonny Brook

(54 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:sophia_helix
Date:May 7th, 2007 05:59 am (UTC)
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Man, is that the TJ's in Emeryville by IKEA? That place is the devil on weekends. One we waited in like a 20 person line that almost went to the back wall. (This is what happens when there is no TJs within 20 miles of your house - you get desperate.)
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:04 am (UTC)
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The very same. I have not joined the cult of TJs, but they do appear to have some good products. I have loved their chocolate-covered whatnots in the past, but I don't really know how they differ from other people's chocolate-covered whatnots.
[User Picture]
From:hildawookie
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:17 am (UTC)
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TJ's is the best store evah!! And the best treat to get at TJ's are Cookie Joys. You take those to a girls house and good things will happen my friend, trust me!
Also, on your PSA, if you bring a bag to TJ's they give you a ticket that you put your phone# on and you could win a $25 shopping spree. Not bad, eh.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:21 am (UTC)
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I noticed that they were selling re-usable bags, which was pretty neat.
From:metabeta
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:22 am (UTC)
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But my little retail flunky addition to the no-bag thing is this: don't be a jerk about not wanting a bag. It's enough to say, "Oh, no bag for me, thanks!" instead of, you know, removing your item from the bag and throwing the bag onto the counter or saying, "I don't need a BAG" in a frustrated tone.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:27 am (UTC)
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Yeah, Aarika, you need to stop doing that. I've been hearing complaints.
[User Picture]
From:duchessdogberry
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:22 am (UTC)
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I asked someone if there were supposed to be a bug in my strawberries.

Hee! You're silly.
[User Picture]
From:electricmonk
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:24 am (UTC)
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Good PSA! Plastic bags are totally evil. In Prague they charged an extra five crowns for them, which seemed like a pretty effective way to cut down on gratuitous plastic baggery. People are cheap, yo. Me, I bought a cool nylon bag that fits a lot of stuff but rolls up real small, so at any moment I can whip it out of my purse like some kind of grocery-shopping superhero/boy scout.

When I bought it -- the only thing I was buying -- the girl tried to put it in a bag for me. "Um, I don't really need a bag," I said. She looked at me and said, very earnestly, "Good for you." I think it's so automatic that it barely occurs to most people that they could be unnecessary.

See, write about TV and I've got nothing, but mention plastic bags and I could spew you out a novel.

Also: Waited, waited, waited. Just like Raine Maida.

Oh. My. God. You win at taking me back to tenth grade.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:31 am (UTC)
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I live to take you back to tenth grade, Mara.

I think it's so automatic that it barely occurs to most people that they could be unnecessary.
Yeah, I never thought to do it. I think the first time I did it was a month or two ago when I was buying socks, and I thought...the hell? I am perfectly content carrying these socks back to my car. Because I had gotten annoyed with the number of bags lying on my floor. And once I realized that I actually had the power to refuse a bag, something just clicked.
[User Picture]
From:sterope
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:30 am (UTC)
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Yay Trader Joe's!! I recommend their frozen enchiladas. Safeway is good too, but sometimes shopping at Trader Joe's is really fun.
[User Picture]
From:idreamofpeace
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:45 am (UTC)
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I'm always so grateful when, if I only have a couple items, people let me go ahead of them. I try to do the same if I'm in the position to do so.

Those strawberries are heavenly.

Here's my thing with plastic bags: I use them as receptacles for the cat litter, so I very much appreciate them. I'm sure there's a greener way for me to dispose of the cat effluvia, but for now, it's what works.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:52 am (UTC)
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And I use plastic bags as regular trash bags...that get deposited into the big garbage bag to put outside. Except I already have more than enough plastic bags, and I get a bunch when I do my actual grocery shopping, since I buy a lot of stuff. I have a bag surplus!
[User Picture]
From:apriljoiex
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:57 am (UTC)
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Mmm, trader joes has the best dried mangos. Yum. Now I want some.

I always get a bag, but then I never buy garbage bags, I use grocery bags for all my trash cans in the apartment. I just bought one of those snazzy grocery bag holders that you stuff them in and then you can pull them out one by one without them overflowing under my sink. It's the best.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:burntspaghetti
Date:May 7th, 2007 10:48 am (UTC)
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Word to the PSA. We in Australia are currently phasing them out entirely; the Government hopes to have them gone by 2008. There are even a few towns here that are already plastic bag free.

And yet. My local Safeway has signs at the express aisle telling you if you buy less than three items you will not get a bag without requesting it. Only one or two of the people regularly on the checkout seem to have noticed the policy. But then, there's also many who thank you for bringing in your reusable bags (available in every supermarket I've been in for years now - you can even get ones for cold items).

So, really it's an individual thing more than anything. I can't believe a country like America, with such a large population isn't at least pushing for a scheme like our own, if not already implementing one.
[User Picture]
From:glasseseater
Date:May 7th, 2007 08:22 pm (UTC)
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government regulating plastic bags? in AMERICA? that's infringing on the rights of big business and god fearing plastic bag loving Americans all over the place.

It's catching on in America too, if slowly. IKEA, although European, has started charging for plastic bags and whole foods has sold reusable bags for a long time. Safeway collects bags for recycling now. I've seen one or two other businesses start that recently, I just can't think of them off the top of my head.

Starbucks also takes ten cents off your drink if you bring a reusable mug, but I don't think many people know that.
[User Picture]
From:jeeperstseepers
Date:May 7th, 2007 11:33 am (UTC)
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Whole Foods gives you something like 17 cents for every one of their bags you bring back on your next visit.

Itty bitty bugs in fruits and veggies are not uncommon. Bugs are not kosher, which is why there are some items of produce that we're not supposed to eat, because they're absolutely infested. In order to eat them, you have to know how to thoroughly clean and check the item in question. One such item is Raspberries: it's pretty much guaranteed that you're eating little buggies. Some varieties of strawberries are infested too, but those are easier to clean.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 02:18 pm (UTC)
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Yep! She'd run out of fruit, too, so it was perfect.
[User Picture]
From:soundingsea
Date:May 7th, 2007 12:45 pm (UTC)
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Trader Joe's is always overcrowded and picked-over, bleh.

And I'm so with you on the bag thing. Hello, I rarely leave the house without a backpack. A lot of stores try to give me a bag anyhow, so I'm always explaining that they should save it for someone who needs it!
[User Picture]
From:etherealclarity
Date:May 7th, 2007 12:58 pm (UTC)
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I must be in the minority here, as Trader Joe's really annoys the crap out of me.

They didn't have your bananas! And there was a bug on your strawberries! And they're all self-congratulatory about buying organic! Boo! (Or maybe that's just the people I know who shop there.)
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 02:21 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, I don't know! I guess I'll give them a try to see what all the fuss is about.
[User Picture]
From:afrocurl
Date:May 7th, 2007 01:01 pm (UTC)
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TJ's are love, P-C. I don't have a personal recommendation right now, but just about anything is good.

As for the PSA, yes! I try not to get bags when I can carry the stuff myself, but then stores do it anyway and I forget.
[User Picture]
From:filmtx
Date:May 7th, 2007 01:20 pm (UTC)
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I LOVE Trader Joe's! I'm soooo excited that they are building one in The Heights in Houston.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:May 7th, 2007 04:16 pm (UTC)

From Eis

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Eeee. I know this is kinda lame - I don't even have a LJ account to make comments with, but you're talking about BAGS, and it's PLASTIC BAGS!

In Norway (yes, 90% of my sentences start with "In Norway), we have to pay for our plastic bags, and we have to ASK to get one too. Norwegians don't like plastic bags much, or so it seems. We're good for the environment. The gov was gonna cut on some bad-for-the-environment stuff, and then some know-it-all dude went like, "Urr, but you're NORWAY - you're so small it doesn't even count!" And everyone went like, "Meh." 'Cause it kinda doesn't. But every little thing counts.... so... PEOPLE! DON'T CARRY EVERYTHING IN PLASTIC BAGS!

I think that was my only point to that story.

About bugs and fruit. When we go to the forest in the summer and pick raspberries I always check if there are any bugs in them, 'cause there's very often like yucky things in'em. Mum's too lazy to do that, she eats them, probably with bugs and all. And she just goes, "So what? Extra protein." It's REALLY gross. But I guess my point to THAT story was that bugs won't kill you. They're just extra protein, really.

Yeah, ew.

Okay, I'll stop bugging you now.

(OOOH, PUN! IT WAS *TOTALLY* INTENDED!)


EIS :D
From:(Anonymous)
Date:May 7th, 2007 04:44 pm (UTC)
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There's one Trader Joe's around here (which isn't where you are) that has given me an argument on several occasions when I ask not to get bags. No other supermarket seems to mind, though there's one where they insist on putting orange stickers on everything that isn't in a bag.

Some supermarkets have bag recycle bins, which are a useful source of bags for those who don't want to waste resources.

(Who am I, you might ask? Who indeed.)
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC)
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OMG are you the Doctor??

That's incredibly odd that TJ's would argue with you, since they sell re-usable bags and thus obviously promote bag-conscious shopping.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Expand
[User Picture]
From:gymble
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:03 pm (UTC)
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I always forget to reuse my bags from Berkeley Bowl. I fully intend to; I just never manage to get them in the car. Trader Joe's is overpriced. It's very much a place for people who don't cook. And yeah, that whole shopping center in Emeryville is a complete disaster on the weekends.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:15 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, see, I don't entirely understand how Trader Joe's prices compare, especially because you can't compare since they don't sell things you can find in Safeway.

I think I'll do my grocery shopping there tomorrow and see what the big fuss is about. I will be very confused because they won't have my standards, since every week, I say, "Oh, I'll try something new!" But I just get the same stuff I buy every time because I know it works. I doubt Trader Joe's has Rice-a-Roni.

elllric and I went to the Oakland Farmer's Market on Saturday, which I presume is what Berkeley Bowl is like. It was interesting, though it felt expensive. Why does it cost so much more to eat healthy?
[User Picture]
From:punzerel
Date:May 7th, 2007 06:07 pm (UTC)
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This story was so cute. Also, I am so jealous of Americans for having Trader Joe's...maybe it's not as good as it sounds, but I would like to find out!
[User Picture]
From:punzerel
Date:May 7th, 2007 07:44 pm (UTC)
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Oh, and I use grocery bags as garbage bags too (and lunch bags, occasionally). Why would you pay for garbage bags when they're giving them away for free?
[User Picture]
From:upanashad
Date:May 7th, 2007 07:35 pm (UTC)
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I can't stop laughing.

I think the extra seventy cents was worth it because those were some tasty strawberries. And for the record, I don't mind bugs on my food, but I appreciate the effort to keep my fruit insect free.

I found a flourless chocolate cake, but you had to buy the whole cake, and I didn't exactly know upanashad's stance on chocolate.

I like chocolate, but I'm picky about what kind of sugar is used in my chocolate, so really, it's all just too complicated.

What's your title from? I know I know it, but I can't place it and it's driving me nuts.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 07:50 pm (UTC)
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It's not from anything. It's just referring to the fact that, if television and movies are to be believed, all women taste like strawberries.
[User Picture]
From:puppyunknown
Date:May 7th, 2007 08:26 pm (UTC)
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Oooh, I know the answer as to why plastic bags are evil! 14 plastic bags contain enough petroleum to fuel a car for a mile. According to the April 2007 issue of Glamour, of course.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 08:36 pm (UTC)
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Wow, I wonder if I can trade all my Safeway bags for gas.
From:boundaid
Date:May 7th, 2007 08:29 pm (UTC)
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OH.MY.GOSH. Not only did I love reading this (you write like a novelist who one day decided to write a blog!) but the PSA is true.

I work at a grocery store...kind of. (If you count not having groceries and selling chips for like 6 dollars. Oh World Market, you rule!) and I swear we sell like thousand dollar items, wine older than my oldest living relative, yada yada yada. But one thing I have yet to understand is how someone will come in, get a water and expect a bag.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 7th, 2007 08:31 pm (UTC)
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Not only did I love reading this (you write like a novelist who one day decided to write a blog!)
Aw! What a lovely thing to say. Thank you.
[User Picture]
From:wimbledonchampv
Date:May 7th, 2007 11:04 pm (UTC)
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My sister and I are big fans of not wasting bags. Every time one of the sales clerks reaches for a bag, we tell them we don't want it. We actually have a catch phrase, "No waste bag! No waste bag!" We obviously don't say this to any of the clerks because they would think we're crazy but the second we are out of the store it is all we say.
[User Picture]
From:mutinousmuse
Date:May 8th, 2007 06:12 am (UTC)
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Oh man. Trader Joe's on Sunday is DOOM. It makes me wish I had a human-sized hamster ball so people would not TOUCH ME while I peruse the coffee. Heh.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:May 8th, 2007 08:20 pm (UTC)
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You're obsessed with the Washington Post, aren't you.
(Deleted comment)

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