February 8th, 2007
|12:16 am - It's a Lot Like Drowning That Way|
So this was my mom's response to my biodata:
SUNIL WHEN I ASED U TO MAKA BIODATA NOT A COMEDY SKIT. DO ANOTHER ONE WITHOUT AL THE COMMETS AND PUT A NICE PICTURE AS WELL. JUST PUT YOUR SCHOOL INFO YOUR PERSONAL THING LIKE HT. WT. AND ALSO YOUR LIKES LIKE LIKES TO READ WATCHE MOVIE. ETC. SEND BIO LIKE THIS SOOON. MOMMYMy mom is not so good with the typing. Or the not pissing me off royally and making me cry.
Saturday night, I was so angry I was shaking. When I woke up Sunday, I had a few precious seconds of just appreciating that I was awake and alive, just taking in the prospect of a new day, and then I remembered.
It took me until Tuesday evening to work up the nerve to call. I had had it; they were going to do it my way, or I just wasn't getting married. I was going to hold my ground.
I lasted about a minute.
No, I repeated. I was not going to take out the "junk." This would find me a girl who would make me happy, and I was the one getting married. I made it through nearly all my prepared statements, but they were no use.
At this initial stage, all she wanted was the simple information like height and weight and education. People would look at this and think I was a joke, and you know what they say about first impressions. She had asked for a simple biodata; why couldn't I just follow instructions? That is all people wanted to see.
Making things worse was the fact that one of my cousins in India had gone and tarnished the family name once again by kicking his wife and kid out of the house, so this reflects badly on me.
She had no problem letting me send this after they made contact with the girl. I could save all those testimonials and send them later. But for now, she wanted me to take all the jokes and comments out. And, no, no one was looking for anything different; that's not how our society works.
I was probably crying by this point. It was really no use, arguing, ever. It never helped. It never worked. Of course she would get her way. I am a dutiful fucking son with no backbone.
I took out the wonderful testimonials that made me out to be a far better person than I really am. I took out the non-standard fields. I left in the lists of my favorite media because "I like to read and watch movies" is about the most useless fucking statement there is. I changed the picture to this:
(ETA: This just in: she doesn't like this picture either. Because the green pants don't match the "brown" shirt.) She's lucky I didn't use this:
I know this is probably for the best, as it is more than likely my perfect mate has similarly traditional parents who would find my biodata strange and off-putting, and this keeps my parents happy until I start vetoing all their choices. But it sure feels like giving in. Giving up.
Life can be sort of peaceful when you stop struggling.
Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: Pedro the Lion - Bad Things to Such Good People
Life can be sort of peaceful when you stop struggling.
Wow, it's almost as good as being dead! Maybe next week.
Buck up, champ. You're running a marathon and have snazzy green pants. And you're not a crackhead! Wooo.
|Date:||February 8th, 2007 10:02 am (UTC)|| |
1) Those are pants of much personality.
2) I can see your point -- the girl of your dreams is likely to have traditional parents who'd squawk at your original biodata -- but I thought it ruled. If we were culturally compatible, you'd have won me forever.
3) I'm in London. Want me to pick you up a nice Indian girl and shove her in my carry-on? There are a lot of options.
I liked your biodata, but I guess I can see saving it as a test for later - after you've done the boring initial meeting part, give them the original biodata and if they don't laugh and enjoy it, veto them.
Life's not fair. Because most girls would swoon at your original biodata. Why can't we just click our fingers and change years of carefully established cultural tradition? Huh?
I will start looking for nice English Indian girls for you. I only know one (well, she's half-pakistani). But she's also very taken. (And Sha!) There must be more out there!
Of course I LOVE RUSS and he is MY VISION OF THE PERFECT MAN (well, he does have rather nice hair), but how cute would Sha and Sunil be? HEE!
On the one hand, yes, the biodata is not going to the girl of your dreams, it's going to her parents, and should be tailored accordingly, just as you probably wouldn't wear the same thing to a casual date that you would to meet said parents the first time.
On the other hand, your mom essentially said that your personality, all the wonderful things that make me glad to have you on my friend's list is wrong. And that is awful. I'm so sorry.
but your boa goes so well with the pants!
*hugs hugs also super hugs*
The only experience I have with strict indian family tradition is watching Kick it like Beckham :( ... but I could write a book on dissapointing parents.
I suggest to bend as far to their wishes as you can without breaking ... and then find the perfect girl for yourself out there.
With the second picture you might would have offended the parents ... but some of their sons would have probably clung to your biodata for dear life ;)
I'm confused as to why you have to do another one. What your mom wants to use should all be things she already knows (except maybe things like weight or something that would have been on the version you gave her anyway). If she feels that strongly about it, she should do it herself.
Sorry. Not trying to bitch at your mom, really. Just--parents who won't let their kids be themselves piss me off.
As you can tell from her e-mail, she's technologically inept.
Parentals. We love them to death but sometimes they make us want to run screaming into the countryside. For the record - I adore your second picture. Seriously - I have no doubt you are at heart a drama diva. I have had several students over the years (who are now in college) who have let me put ridiculous costumes on them (two guys in particular) who I know will soar in whatever they end up doing in life. You, my friend, will do so also.
Good luck with the continuing drama.
Dude. You're killing me dead. While my problems are not precisely the same problems as your problems, we do have much of the same overall problem, so just know that someone else is...erm...problematic with you. And her heart breaks for you.
I like the picture of you smiling from your first biodata much better. That looks natural and you look sweet and handsome. This looks...like, well, like what I look like when I try to smile for pictures. A bit "deer in the headlights."
Yeah, there's a slightly better one with a less headlight-y smile, but my pose and demeanor is less formal and therefore parent-unfriendly.
I definitely understand why you're upset after putting so much thought and enthusiasm into something and getting it unceremoniously shot down-- but I sorta see your mom's point, in that the girl of your dreams might adore your funky stylins, but the biodata is primarily for the parents, right? The parents get the biodata, and they put you in touch with the girl? And it seems like THEN's the time to bust your moves. Putting the cute stuff in the biodata is kind of like putting on your resume that you have a deadpan sense of humor and tend to make many pop culture references; that might charm the interviewer, but you gotta save it for the interview, or some random grunt in HR is going to be like "What? Fucken weirdo" and toss it.
That said, your mom could have been a LOT nicer about it. Jeez. Also, chill with the caps, lady, your son's not deaf.
I definitely understand why you're upset after putting so much thought and enthusiasm into something and getting it unceremoniously shot down
I think this is it more than anything else. You remember The E-mail, don't you? It felt like that.
And, no, no one was looking for anything different; that's not how our society works.
Oh, man. I'm so sorry, Sunil... I wish that your choices included room for being your fun, wacky self right off the bat. But hey, like other people said: consider your (initial) audience. You're trying to get past a screening process, almost like HR for a job. I can assure you that my resume doesn't include anything fun; that's just not the way the world works.
And hey, as long as you get a veto, and can look for your own candidates at the same time, that's something...
|Date:||February 8th, 2007 01:26 pm (UTC)|| |
*refers you to icon*
Don't look at it as giving in so much as picking your battles. I have no clue but it sounds like this is going to be a long process. Probably best to save your fight for when it really would be giving in to bow to their desires instead of standing up for what you want. Right now you still get to do what you want, albeit later than you hoped. But your goal isn't to stand up to your parents and tradition... your goal is to find someone you actually want to spend your life with... right?
The good news is, any quality girl will be able to figure out that you're awesome just from the list of favorite media. What is it that they say in High Fidelity? "What you ARE like matters less than what you like." Or something. My clogged brain isn't quite getting it, but you get the picture.
Well, that's what Rob postulates first. He then meets some cool people with horrible taste and reverses his opinion. That said, it doesn't hurt to have kicking taste.