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ohimesamamama thinks I'm goofy - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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April 21st, 2005


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05:27 pm - ohimesamamama thinks I'm goofy
In honor of the fact that I'm finally making headway on my thesis, the thesis that will actually get me out of the lab, possibly forever, I present to you a Gilbert and Sullivan filk I wrote a few years ago. I included it with my grad school applications.

SCIENTIST:

I am the very model of a modern research scientist,
Amresco, Sigma, Fisher, oh you'll find them on my client list,
You'll come to me if on your knee you one day see a giant cyst
Which may prove quite unsightly while to lover's toys applying twist;
I do possess no more or less than three scholastic doctorates,
In my defense of my theses I know I was quite obdurate,
It took no time at all for me to secure a laboratory,
But all this scientific work does not help me to score a fee!

ALL:

But all this scientific work does not help him to score a fee!
But all this scientific work does not help him to score a fee!
But all this scientific work does not help him to score a score a fee!

SCIENTIST:

With five round plasmids I'll transfect the sturdiest bacterium,
When it rejects them, I do say it drives me to delirium:
In short, in matters biological you'll find I'm Darwinist,
I am the very model of a modern research scientist.

ALL:

In short, in matters biological you'll find he's Darwinist,
He is the very model of a modern research scientist.

SCIENTIST:

I take optical densities with a spectrophotometer,
The DNA that I've unwound takes up a full kilometer;
I lace the plates I grow those buggers on with chloramphenicol
The twenty-hour incubation time lets me drink ethanol.
I heat up all my samples to a temp of sixty-five degrees,
And then I place them in a gel and let them electrophorese;
The transfer buffer (how I love her!) helps me do a Western blot
But I cry when at sixteen kilodaltons a band I see not!

ALL:

But he cries when at sixteen kilodaltons a band he sees not!
But he cries when at sixteen kilodaltons a band he sees not!
But he cries when at sixteen kilodaltons a band he sees he sees not!

SCIENTIST:

Yes, thirteen thousand rpm's is how I set the centrifuge,
My physical fitness does not allow me to ride on a luge,
In short, in matters biological you'll find I'm Darwinist,
I am the very model of a modern research scientist.

ALL:

In short, in matters biological you'll find he's Darwinist,
He is the very model of a modern research scientist.

SCIENTIST:

Polymerase chain reaction is long for what's called PCR,
This lab technique I've mastered but I can't program my VCR;
I sterilize my media, I put it in the autoclave,
I'm in the lab so often that I frequently forget to shave.
When I know that in RNA the thymine becomes uracil
But my face shows such great disgrace it seems I need some Clearasil;
In short, my stories oft use apoptosis as a metaphor
And this past Halloween I trick-or-treated as a chromophore!

ALL:

And this past Halloween he trick-or-treated as a chromophore!
And this past Halloween he trick-or-treated as a chromophore!
And this past Halloween he trick-or-treated as a chromo, chromophore!

SCIENTIST:

I don't wish to engage in the study of hagiography,
And I know nothing at all of the Beatles' long discography,
But still, in matters biological you'll find I'm Darwinist,
I am the very model of a modern research scientist.

ALL:

But still, in matters biological you'll find he's Darwinist,
He is the very model of a modern research scientist.
Current Mood: productiveproductive
Current Music: (hed) pe - Bartender

(41 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


From:hobviously
Date:April 21st, 2005 09:43 pm (UTC)
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Why would anybody ever think you are goofy?
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 21st, 2005 09:47 pm (UTC)
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I do not know. I consider myself deathly serious.

*tickles you*
From:hobviously
Date:April 21st, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC)
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I consider myself deathly serious.

Just like typhoid.

*runs away shrieeeeking*
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From:glasseseater
Date:April 21st, 2005 09:53 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad you're progressing and such.
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From:kibarika
Date:April 21st, 2005 09:56 pm (UTC)
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I leenk you, because my friend tribalkittykat is currently playing Isabel (the littlest daughter) in Pirates.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 21st, 2005 10:15 pm (UTC)
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Aw, cool! Thanks!
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From:foresthouse
Date:April 21st, 2005 10:00 pm (UTC)
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I can't believe you included that. It's hilarious!
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 21st, 2005 10:16 pm (UTC)
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Pretty much all the faculty here know I'm a G&S fan now. It's amusing.

Also, what the hell is your icon?
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From:foresthouse
Date:April 21st, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC)
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Go see my journal. I figured I'd better explain it after I put it up ;)
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From:particle_person
Date:April 22nd, 2005 01:08 am (UTC)
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*shares the G&S love*

You should do Mikado now. ("The flowers the bloom in the spring (tra la!) have nothing to do with the case.")

(And BTW: Howdy. First time I've been over here.)
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 22nd, 2005 01:12 am (UTC)
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Oh, I've been in The Mikado. I've filked "Our great Mikado, virtuous man," except it was for a specific incident a friend of mine had with our Pish-Tush. There was incorrect change involved.

And yeah, hey. It took me many seconds to realize you were commenting in my journal and not Cleo's.
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From:ohimesamamama
Date:April 21st, 2005 10:11 pm (UTC)
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Eeeeeheeehee!

Yup, goofy.
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From:puppyunknown
Date:April 21st, 2005 10:25 pm (UTC)
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clever clever clever boy. =)
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From:incidentist
Date:April 22nd, 2005 12:18 am (UTC)
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[yawn]

Seen it.

:)
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 22nd, 2005 01:28 am (UTC)
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I heard his song about the elements many years ago, but that's about it. Oh, and I think he has a song about poisoning pigeons in the park or something.
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From:alliterator
Date:April 22nd, 2005 01:38 am (UTC)
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Oh, Tom Lehrer is a genius. I've probably heard all his songs and they are all fantastic. The Poisoning Pigeons in the Park one is just great:

Someday you'll see
My sweetheart and me
As we poison the pigeons in the park, la la la.

And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two
As we poison the pigeons in the park.

When they see us coming,
The birdies all try and hide,
But they still go for peanuts
When covered with cyanide.


Is it wrong that I quoted that from memory?
From:dionysos_loop
Date:April 22nd, 2005 10:00 am (UTC)
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Not at all. I found myself singing along with "Cows with Guns" and "The Masochism Tango" the other day...and remember," life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it..."
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 23rd, 2005 05:47 pm (UTC)
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Oh, by the way, I never check my gmail address. I won't start using it until my umich address stops working. I will go check soon. If I remember my password.

And yeah, I think "filk" came from parodies of "folk" music.

Also, people miss you in the Meet Market.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 23rd, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC)
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Oh, my actual everyday inbox is fine. Although, you should also try YouSendIt.

And yeah, someone was asking about you! And mrf misses her twin.
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From:enshanam
Date:April 22nd, 2005 02:33 am (UTC)
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My computer screen at work has dark streaks running across it, so it's a little harder to read things than usual.

And it totally makes "fee!" look like "feel"

I thought you'd like to know this.
From:dionysos_loop
Date:April 22nd, 2005 09:58 am (UTC)
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waaaahahahahahaaaaaa...

You have cheered me up, you very model of a scientist you. *g*
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From:electricmonk
Date:April 22nd, 2005 12:53 pm (UTC)
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I don't have to read the song because I remember that I love it. But I can jump on the word "thesis" and complain that I just got an e-mail saying I have to have a senior thesis proposal in by May 2nd. And they never told me this before. And I'm in another country. And I have no books. *pukes*
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From:capnnick
Date:April 22nd, 2005 02:22 pm (UTC)
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Ooh! I remember this one! Kickin' it old school!
From:harriettheelf
Date:April 22nd, 2005 02:28 pm (UTC)
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Man, that one really lends itself to filking. My friend works at Hale & Dorr (fancypants law firm here in Boston) and at their annual party, he and a bunch of the other associates sang "I am the very model of a Hale & Dorr associate" ...
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From:horsefacehannah
Date:April 22nd, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC)
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Not that I'm complaining, but I've always wondered why no one ever does versions of the other patter songs. "I've got a little list", for example, is ripe for parody.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 22nd, 2005 02:38 pm (UTC)
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Oh, people do. People do versions of everything. That page has seven versions of the list song.

As some days it can happen that my in-box gets too full,
I've got a little list-- a little procmail list
Of annoying e-mail senders whose spew goes to dev/null,
And who never would be missed-- who never would be missed!
There's the idiotic nuisances who say "Make money fast!
Just send a buck to each of us and add your name on last,
I've made a bunch of money now, and you can join the fun,
Ignore the dull statistics proving it cannot be done,
So what if it would take more folks than currently exist?"
They'd none of 'em be missed-- they'd none of 'em be missed!


Maybe I'll do a list song filk just for you. About VM. Somehow. Oh, Christ, I think I just had an idea. Let's let this brew. Maybe.

(Also, I didn't know you were a G&S fan! I knew I liked you.)
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From:horsefacehannah
Date:April 22nd, 2005 02:43 pm (UTC)
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Gilbert & Sullivan were my life back in... sixth grade. They're actually the reason I went to boarding school... and I've played Buttercup in Pinafore and Pitti-Sing in Mikado
(and chorus in a semi-professional version). I think there's actually video of it somewhere. >_
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From:homegoddess
Date:April 22nd, 2005 05:16 pm (UTC)
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Very, very clever. I'm impressed. You really don't know The Beatles? Also, nothing wrong with goofy.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 22nd, 2005 06:26 pm (UTC)
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Hey, the song isn't completely autobiographical!

Although I don't know a lot of Beatles. Few songs here and there.
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From:homegoddess
Date:April 22nd, 2005 09:26 pm (UTC)
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You mean you didn't go trick-or-treating as a chromophore?
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 22nd, 2005 09:28 pm (UTC)
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No, but I do plan on writing stories using apoptosis as a metaphor.
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From:beathen
Date:April 22nd, 2005 07:04 pm (UTC)
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I know I've posted these rhymes at b.org but I thought I would remind you!

A green little chemist on a green little day mixed some green little chemicals in a green little wave. Now the green little grass gently waves o'er the green little chemist's green little grave.

Oh say farewell to spectralbovine, alas he is no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
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From:tibicina
Date:May 16th, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
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I followed your link in the comment in cadhla's journal. This is brilliant. And brings back strangely frazzled memories of my summer intership at the Beckman Research Institute.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:May 16th, 2005 05:48 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! I'm rather proud of it myself. What did you do at Beckman? I don't know it.
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From:tibicina
Date:May 16th, 2005 06:52 pm (UTC)
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It's the research institute associated with City of Hope. I was cloning bits of DNA into e-coli so we could do in vivo half-life studies on the resulting RNA to figure out why something was working in vitro but not in vivo. Or the short answer: 'AIDS vacine research'. Basically, we were trying to use Rhibosymes (which I think I might be misspelling, the strings of RNA that cut other RNA, not separate bit of cells that do many other things.) to try to cut it after the replication site, but before any of the functional part.

I remember my father being grumpily amused that (since I was 17) I wasn't legally allowed to use radioactive tags... which meant I got to use a tagging method which was probably more dangerous since it involved something which could create spot-mutations if you dropped it on your skin.

I also remember being told horror stories about phenol in an effort to make me be careful with it. (Which really made me more clear on why short skirts are a bad thing when working in a lab which uses substances which can give nasty chemical burns/eat through your flesh.)
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From:punzerel
Date:July 28th, 2005 07:13 pm (UTC)
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"In short, in matters biological you'll find I'm Darwinist,
I am the very model of a modern research scientist."
Hah! Love it. *hums G&S quietly*
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 16th, 2008 09:15 pm (UTC)
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