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Number One in the Hood, G - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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March 21st, 2005


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12:53 am - Number One in the Hood, G
It's time for some more TWoP shenanigans, and I post here for easy access and a copy for posterity because I amuse myself quite easily.

The setup: how to pronounce wykbbb. I say, "wick-triple-B." fishinginthemudhealing fish says, "And with that, a rapper is born."

Never one to take a sentence at anything less than face value, I proceed to post the following:

She's wick-triple-B
And all the pipple see
Her site
Is all right
Flying high like a kite
She's a snarkstress gal
With her TWoP folk pals
And they write
And they fight
In the night
Like a blight
On potatoes
She likes to eat tomatoes
Raw
Like coleslaw
Sometimes in a salad
So she don't be lookin' pallid
Hey yo, you in the back
You sent your two dollar billz?
Cause wyk, she's got mad skillz
She ain't poppin' no pillz
Her dresses ain't got no frillz
But when she say go
We save the show
Wuh oh oh oh
Peace out
Word

After a good reception, I decide I should tour with 50 Cent to promote Veronica Mars under the name Two Dollar Bill (healing fish cleverly adds, "Together you'd be 'Tall Coffee at Starbucks.'"). grim squeaker ghettoizes the name into 2$Bill, and the name sticks.

And then, rather than work on my seminar, I get hit with more ridiculous inspiration.

2$Bill comin' at ya with another cut straight outta Neptune, y'all!
So whatchoo jiggas doin' watchin' Veronica Mars
It's a show on UPN got a lotta stars
The kids in the hood drive some hella fly cars
Who's that guy in Metallica? Dude named Lars!
Veronica Mars is this chick PI
Like the cars she drive, the little lady be fly
Mars Investigations logo got a pyramid and eye
And if you the perp in her case, well you best say bye
Maybe you wanna talk about a brother named Wallace
Wallace? Fool, no one cares about Wallace!
topanga cares about Wallace
Who's topanga? Does she got a Xanga?
Man, you just want to banga
Everyone wanna talk about Logan
The most unlikeliest hero since Hogan
But the women, they wanna take him home, and
I'm like, what they be smokin'?
Do they live in Hoboken?
They must be rockin' like Dokken.
Speaking of Dokken, do you know this girl Lilly?
She got her head bashed in all willy-nilly
It could have been her dad or it could have been her momma
Maybe it was Donut or hell, maybe it was Osama
It might even be Weevil
Hey, Weevil ain't evil
Information retrieval?
That's Wallace upheaval!
You said no one cares about Wallace, fool!
Weevil and Logan stole the hearts of the girls
They write their names in their notebooks with little pen twirls
And when the teacher calls on them
It's like they're suddenly on Jem
They bust out with a song
About just how damn long
They gotta wait for this show
To come back from "Oh no!"
Cause Veronica's screwed
And her mom's kinda rude
But Clarence Wiedman, dude
That guy is more scary
Than Leisure Suit Larry
And that cartoon cat Jerry
You know what I'm sayin'?
Cause I've just been prayin'
My homegirl's okay
And what can I say?
I'll be drinkin' pints
Till March 29th
Peace out
Word

I'm waiting for my record deal.

Anyway, Mars Investigations is up. It's a site a bunch of us TWoPers have been working on (although I haven't done much besides copy-edit so far). It's geared towards getting newbies caught up with the show in time for the seven-episode rollercoaster beginning next Tuesday. But it's also a great resource for the hardcore fan. And it's snarky. Go, visit, tell your friends, get everyone you know hooked on Veronica Mars, cause I want the ratings on March 29 to go through the fucking roof.

This show is gonna get a boost. The kind of boost that every show should have. I'm gonna get this show a dark, noir second season if I have to kill every single person on the face of the Earth to do it.

In conclusion, Kevin Kline.

(17 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:idreamofpeace
Date:March 21st, 2005 06:39 am (UTC)
(Link)
I'll be there getting the second season with you. LOVE the song:) You have way to much free time on your hands:) Go get some work done!
[User Picture]
From:foresthouse
Date:March 21st, 2005 07:44 am (UTC)
(Link)
Oh wow. For some reason, your little rap reminds me of the part in Compleat Wks Abrdgd where they rap about Iago and Desdamona. Hee!
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:March 21st, 2005 01:41 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Heh. I can see that. Especially since that style is pretty Beastie Boys-ish, which is the kind of rapping I'm most familiar with.
[User Picture]
From:foresthouse
Date:March 21st, 2005 02:26 pm (UTC)
(Link)
You should help them write a new Compleat History of something :) Or...something!
From:dionysos_loop
Date:March 21st, 2005 11:52 am (UTC)
(Link)
Um. Kevin Kline?
eh?

Like dey say in der Norf - East Massiv, man, dat is be so damn wikkid that it be good. Reely. You be hanging wif you posse and blingin', not mingin'.
(removes poor Sacha Baron - Cohen guise and cringes.)
You have a talent. *g*
[User Picture]
From:foresthouse
Date:March 21st, 2005 02:29 pm (UTC)
(Link)
[User Picture]
From:joomer
Date:March 22nd, 2005 09:34 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you for the link to the explanation! I saw it *points up* and wondered what it meant. Is this copyrighted or can I use it, too? :)




P.S. I am love silly people!
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:March 22nd, 2005 09:37 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Jooooooin uuuuuusss!!
[User Picture]
From:joomer
Date:March 22nd, 2005 11:38 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I just put "in conclusion: Kevin Kline" in my interests. So now am I a silly person, too?

*waits for an occasion to use "in conclusion: Kevin Kline"*
[User Picture]
From:foresthouse
Date:March 22nd, 2005 11:38 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Oh no! Anyone can join in the madness. kerrypolka and I just kind of started doing it b/c it amused us :)

I am going to make some more icons soon. Feel free to use this one if you want (credit pls). And put it in your interests, too. Kevin needs his cult following ;)
[User Picture]
From:puppyunknown
Date:March 21st, 2005 02:28 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I had a hard time getting past the Aqua Teen reference in the subject line...but once I did, I found myself wanting to watch this show and join that forum as quickly as possible. =) Ya'll are crazy.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:March 21st, 2005 02:34 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Yes! Watch! Join the cult of Veronica Mars!!

(Also, not an Aqua Teen fan? Aw.)
[User Picture]
From:puppyunknown
Date:March 21st, 2005 02:43 pm (UTC)
(Link)
lol, no, that's precisely why I couldn't get passed it. It inspired a fit of giggles that made me want to go grab my DVD and not do anything but watch ATHF today. =)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:alliterator
Date:March 21st, 2005 08:38 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Hee. I haven't been watching the TWoP forums lately, since it's spring break, but that is definitely awesome. You da man, 2$Bill! Maybe you could sing a rap version of "I'm a bill" from Schoolhouse Rock next?

And I'm going to end all my arguments now with in conclusion, Kevin Kline.
[User Picture]
From:alliterator
Date:March 21st, 2005 08:39 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Oops. Forgot to post with this icon.
[User Picture]
From:foresthouse
Date:March 22nd, 2005 11:43 pm (UTC)
(Link)
HEE!

It works, it really does. How can anyone argue with Kevin Kline?

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