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You Can B Your Own NF - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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June 5th, 2006


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10:38 am - You Can B Your Own NF
Hi, I'm Polter-Cow! You may remember me from such posts as Rob Explains the Greatest Dropped Plot Point of All Time and Stop! Or My Mom Will Renew!

I am here to remind you that I am not better than you. That I happen to correspond with a showrunner does not elevate me as a human being. I am just a guy, after all. I'm a decent writer who manages to twist out a particularly brilliant turn of phrase every hundred thousand words. My so-called wit generally comes from getting to the easy joke before anyone else does. I am sometimes abnormally proud of these easy jokes, however. Especially when they're bad puns. I do love a bad pun. My episode posts are moderately insightful and entertaining, but they're certainly not the best. Have you ever read magnolia888's episode posts? That's the way to do them.

What I do excel at, though, is caring about people, and I sometimes wonder about my capacity, given the sheer multitude of people I know in any sense. How much emotional energy does one person have? We denizens of the Internet come across hundreds of people with a variety of pain and stress and angst and trauma, and we choose to emp—nay, we cannot help but empathize with them. Sympathize with them. Give them a little piece of ourselves and say, "Here, take this, you need it more than I do."* But how do you delegate the size of those pieces and who gets them so you're not living on table scraps? What if you feel some of your loved ones deserve more than you seem to be giving them? Can you take out a loan? Why do I ask so many stupid questions?

This is an awkward segue. Bow before it and despair.

Lurkers, you need not be intimidated of me, for I am wee and scrawny and have a penchant for putting on tiaras. Don't be shy. If you want to say hello, feel free. If you want to remain in the shadows, make sure to get plenty of Vitamin D. I am not some sort of behemothal monarch bestowing the Mark of Kri of Coolness on those allowed to talk to me.

Now, you may be saying, "P-C, we know this! We're your flist, and you know we adore you and think you're awesome!" To which I say: not that awesome, thanks. I also say what comes in the paragraph below this.

Really, I just came up with the post title on the escalator down to BART (as a potential title for a hypothetical book on my adventures in fandom, which doesn't need to be written since it will be obsolete and redundant), and I was so impressed with my own cleverness that I needed an excuse to use it (c.f. "I'm So Vain, You Bet I Think This Meme Is About Me").

In addition, I needed an excuse to pimp vm-fic.com, the Veronica Mars Fanfic Archive, for all your fanfic needs. And aww! Currently, a special welcome to their newest member, schnappycat, who is very missed.

Everyone have a good day now. Except for you there, in the back.

You have an awesome day.

*Crap. Another hundred thousand words before I come up with something that good.
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
Current Music: She Wants Revenge - These Things [in my head]

(129 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


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[User Picture]
From:pandarus
Date:June 5th, 2006 05:50 pm (UTC)
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...okay, let's try this again, and this time, not sound QUITE so dumb.

Loved the title also (because I cannot. resist. the puns) and had to chime in and agree about the tiara thing. But you look so damned CUTE in them! You should wear them all the time! And I also want to protest about the wee and scrawny thing, but I think you probably know that you're cute as a button. Yes. So I shall let it lie.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 05:54 pm (UTC)
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Okay, heee, I think you ought to repost what you had before. It's very amusing. And you called me petal!

I am round with four holes in my middle?
[User Picture]
From:cindywrites
Date:June 5th, 2006 05:58 pm (UTC)
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I prefer B-ing my own NNF (No Name Fan), but I LOVE your title.

I don't know who and don't care who those anonymous people were—the ones talking smack about you (and schnappycat whose user name is quite fun to say as you type it), but really, I wouldn't even dignify them with a response.

Except apparently, I'm going to. Right now.
Dear Anonymous Hate-Meme Infants,

I knew spectralbovine when he had the taint of newbie all over him. I have seen him fall in the guacamole bowl of fandom, pick himself up, wipe it off, lick his fingers, and say, "Tapas on me, everyone!"

I knew him before any of us had ever heard of Veronica Mars and before most of us had heard of the Rob Thomas who is not in Matchbox-20. You know what? spectralbovine is the same man he has always been. BNFdom has nothing to do with how he posts, what he posts, or who he is.

Why don't you go get a summer job or something, so you don't have to spend your time wondering (a) why you spend so much time thinking or writing about someone you don't like, or (b) why you're so jealous of what mostly amounts to a penpalship between two people you basically don't know.

Love, kisses and get offa my lawn,
Your cranky Auntie Cindy

Honestly. You meet the most appalling sorts of people.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:07 pm (UTC)
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I wear the guac. It does not wear me.

Also, I love you dearly, Cindy. I think you're tops. To be honest, though, I didn't intend for this to be any sort of direct response to those folks, but I A) wanted to use that title and B) figured these things might as well be said. And it was a way to shoehorn that paragraph about caring about people in there. I have thoughts. They need places to be.

Let's go have some tapas.
[User Picture]
From:eirefaerie
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:03 pm (UTC)
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Well, you are funny, but you're also wrong. You ARE more awesome than most people, because you're friends with me. Which must ROCK for you.

(also, re: you wanting me to upload DPT songs for you. Do you not read? Go look in my LJ! or did you want more?)

But if I may approach something like seriousness, please don't stress yourself out because of these fuckslutwhores. Seriously, you are one of the most awesome people I know, because you're nice, like, without reason or regard. You're just nice to people, which, whatever, I don't understand, but I'm glad that you are. And because you give good hugs. And because we cuddle. And because you seriously are extremely awesome. Seriously. Even if you did go to Rice.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:09 pm (UTC)
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(also, re: you wanting me to upload DPT songs for you. Do you not read? Go look in my LJ! or did you want more?)

Heh. I realized that after I chose them. But I am lazy and didn't download those yet because God, I have so much music being thrown at me these days! I'll check them out.

Even if you did go to Rice.

You misspelled "Because."
[User Picture]
From:raelee
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:05 pm (UTC)
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That I happen to correspond with a showrunner does not elevate me as a human being. I am just a guy, after all.

Dude, you're killing all of my illusions. Also, can we get a picture of you in a tiara?
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:18 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]
From:harper47
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:06 pm (UTC)
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Hey - I'm playing the role of third admirer in, back row, stage left and I always enjoy and always feel welcome here.

So strut, rave, comment, pun, belt the chorus of Popular if you want, but whatever you do - don't stop being exactly the way you are.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:11 pm (UTC)
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I'M HEAD OF THE CLASS
I'M POPULAR
I'M A QUARTERBACK
I'M POPULAR
MY MOM SAYS I'M A CATCH
I'M POPULAR
I'M NEVER LAST PICKED
I GOT A CHEERLEADER CHICK
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
From:hobviously
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:27 pm (UTC)
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thanks cow. you too.

*is, sadly, own nf*
[User Picture]
From:kibarika
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC)
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I heart your icon.
[User Picture]
From:tiggz
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:42 pm (UTC)
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you wanted a reason to use that pun. i just want a reason to use this icon.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:43 pm (UTC)
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Hee.

I was watching some of the 4400 marathon yesterday and thinking of you. Which one do you think is hot? Shawn, right? Because Kyle looks funny.
[User Picture]
From:kibarika
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC)
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Oh BNFdom, how you bring out the beeotch in me! (Sometime we can have a talk about it if you want. I explained it to Erin. The whole concept of BNFs makes me ill, mostly because some people said I wasn't one and I liked to think I was. I'd say I'm over it now but I'd only be telling the truth a little.)

You entertain me. Isn't that enough? I think it should be.

Also, you know stuff, about complex science stuff. That shit confuses me. Come visit, you can talk to Matt.

Lastly, you should totally watch House and write a blog about how it's wrong or not. It'd be funny.

Pity me, I am sick and my brain isn't working. I tried to put my plate with dip on it back in the fridge instead of the actual dip container.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 06:50 pm (UTC)
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I think when people mistake you for Joss, you're a BNF.

I have watched bits and pieces of House. Maybe one day I will watch a whole episode. If only to see the apparent wonder that is "Three Stories."
[User Picture]
From:inigo
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:09 pm (UTC)
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Why on earth would I want to be my own naked filosopher? You're a rum one, you are.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:11 pm (UTC)
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Because being someone else's can lead to naughty trouble and existential porn.
[User Picture]
From:waitaminute17
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:18 pm (UTC)
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I'm going to take this opportunity to tell a story about how I came to the knowledge that spectralbovine likes people. I bought tickets to Austin and I didn't know anyone in Austin or anyone else planning to go to Austin. I didn't have an LJ account and had never posted at TWoP. In fact the only board I'd ever posted on was at View Askew and even there I didn't post very frequently. Anyhow, the point is that I didn't know anyone in the VM fandom. So, I found the Austin plan making thread at TWoP (thanks to Google) and I posted there and people were pretty nice and pointed me to LJ and I found out about things going on in Austin. Once I got there I went to some of these fan events and I was introduced to or somehow met many, many people some of whom were super friendly (ehtanvahlere and magnolia888 for example). However, about 30 of us were waiting for a table for breakfast on Saturday morning and I was starting to feel like a 30th wheel because everyone seemed to know each other from the boards and I was kind of an outsider. Well, just then, this cute guy turns around and introduces himself to me and makes me feel totally welcome amidst all the inside jokes and circles of friends. That guy was spectralbovine, and shortly after that I heard from some other people there that he had made many an outsider feel totally welcome that weekend. I thought "Wow, that spectralbovine chap must really like people, must really care about people, to want to make them feel confortable and welcome like that". So thanks for caring, and for making me feel welcome, and for being cute.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:28 pm (UTC)
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Awww. You're so very welcome. I'm glad I made you feel comfortable amongst the madness. It was a crazy time. And thank you for letting me know that I made other people feel welcome. That's the kind of rumor I like.

*hugs and hugs*
[User Picture]
From:zimshan
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:19 pm (UTC)
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Look at the guy in the tiara trying to subvert his awesomeness.

Sorry, Sunil. CAN'T BE DONE.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 09:04 pm (UTC)
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Can too!
[User Picture]
From:staygold70
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:22 pm (UTC)
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Once upon a time, I was just an old dude who liked VM but didn't even know fandoms existed. Then I found TWoP, and thought that was it. Then I started to learn about these other communities and that this cow fellow was seemingly constantly and simultaneously in all of them (which remains quite impressive). At some point, I heard that some people were hating on him, which seemed like a mean thing to do to such a nice fellow. So, I sent him an email saying so.

I guess if I had known that he was the BNF, I might have been too intimidated to send such an email. But I didn't know what that meant. I still don't know if I know what that means. But, no matter, he responded both by email and on TWoP, which is part of what inspired me to jump into fandom with both feet. Even though I didn't (and still don't really) know what that meant.

At this point, I'm surely far, far from being a BNF or anything of the sort, but I feel like I'm part of everything. And I think that's the message -- there is no secret decoder ring or anything and any barrier to participation is artificial. Anyone who starts writing shit and doing shit is as big a part of fandom as they want to be.

And spectralbovine means it.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:24 pm (UTC)
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Except for the part where you have to have lots of icons to be cool.
[User Picture]
From:shizam23
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:23 pm (UTC)
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Oh you. You can BNF me anytime.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:25 pm (UTC)
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Oh. You bet I will.
[User Picture]
From:gymble
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:51 pm (UTC)
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I am here to remind you that I am not better than you.

Hey! You're destroying my world view here. Let me keep my illusions.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:June 5th, 2006 07:53 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Bzzt!! raelee already did that one. Try again.

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