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Hide and Go Fuck Yourself - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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January 30th, 2006


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07:11 pm - Hide and Go Fuck Yourself
So. The last couple weeks, I've been getting a lot of anonymous shit. Not just in The Meme That Shall Not Be Named, but in other people's journals. Whose comments have been collapsed. Implying that someone deliberately read my comment in order to make a rude reply.

And, you know, whatever. People are bitches. I'm not universally loved, big fucking deal. I don't need to be universally loved. I only want to be loved more than I'm hated, and I think I've got that pretty well covered.

So I don't care if random assholes get their kicks from insulting me. What gets me is the possibility that some of these assholes aren't random. That maybe some of them are you. And if so, if you're here masquerading as my friend, pretending everything's cool between us, but you're using the cloak of anonymity to vent whatever frustrations you have with me, I have two words for you:

DUCK. SOUP.

Wait, shit, who's been fucking with my Scrabble tiles? Okay, here we go:

FUCK. YOU.

If you're being anonymously rude to someone who actually knows you, you're not an anonymouse. You're an anonyrat. No, wait, that's unfair to rats. You're anonyscum. If you've got issues with me, take them up with me. Personally.

I realize this sounds way more accusatory than I meant it to be, as if I have actual suspects in mind. I don't. It's just a fear I have because I am insecure. I'm sure you're all awesome and would never do such a thing. Except maybe you. Come on, you know who you are. Okay, you don't. Neither do I, anyway.

To make up for my baseless accusations, I give you three things that amuse me.

The first is my unused idea for this week's MI.net update:

Damn! "Donut Run" was a great an awful an episode of television! I have so much trust in the writers no more trust in the writers a television. If you don't think that "Donut Run" rocked sucked aired, you suck suck are human.

The second is cindywrites's "Donut Run" post, which may very well be the best post in the history of the universe. Because the comments are fucking priceless. They're collapsed now, but the clicking is worth it.

Finally, my filk of "Three Blind Mice" inspired by aprilbegins.

Poor dead Meg
Poor dead Meg
See Donut run
See Donut run
She'll never be a rich, hot Kane wife
For Rob's spinning tales that are rife with strife
To get rid of Duncan he got rid of her life
Oh, poor dead Meg

Current Mood: grumpyparanoid
Current Music: Ima Robot - Alive

(140 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


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From:wee_warrior
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:18 am (UTC)
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Man, that sucks. I really hope your suspicion is wrong, because that would be seriously low.
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From:punzerel
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
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Heehee, scrabble. The anonymous comment situation really sucks though; people can be so low and petty. *hugs*
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From:punzerel
Date:January 31st, 2006 02:17 am (UTC)
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oh yeah, and while this would actually be bad for me since I wouldn't be able to read your posts anymore, and it might be tedious depending how you do it, going f-only is one way to cut down on creepiness like that. i didn't like having my posts referenced by people i know but who would barely give me a wave in the street, so i f-locked and it was effective. however, you seem to have a pretty big online presence outside of your own lj, so i guess 1 - that wouldn't solve everything and 2 - it might be an inevitable side effect of online coolness?
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From:thetheatremouse
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:23 am (UTC)
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Scrabble tiles? Ha! I continue to heart you as I have been doing.

And your extra-strikey unused idea makes me heart you even more. And I continue to heart any and all "Poor dead Meg" rhymes you come up with.

I don't quite comprehend the whole unpleasantness you are describing, but I think I'll just remain glad to be out of that loop.
(Deleted comment)
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:25 am (UTC)
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Like...American Pie?
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From:allthelivesofme
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:25 am (UTC)
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DUCK. SOUP.

Wait, shit, who's been fucking with my Scrabble tiles? Okay, here we go:

FUCK. YOU.


Okay, as much as it's not funny that some people are being nasty to you, that made me giggle.

Seriously, fingers crossed that the twits figure out something productive and non-annoying to do with their time soon.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:28 am (UTC)
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Maybe they can build a treehouse in which to hold their "We Hate Polter-Cow" meetings. And I can cut down that tree.

And I am all about making people giggle. Giggle is a fun word. Giggle giggle giggle.
[User Picture]
From:carpedi7
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:26 am (UTC)
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I love you and would never post anon about you, I hope you know that. Going back into hiding now.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:33 am (UTC)
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Of course I know that! Like I said, I have no specific people in mind, really. It's just this idea that occurred to me and made me very uncomfortable.
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From:cerulgalactus
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:27 am (UTC)
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It ain't me, yo.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:28 am (UTC)
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Ha! The Pope of the Internets would never do such a thing!
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From:aprilbegins
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:28 am (UTC)
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It was fun filking with you, baby.
From:hobviously
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:29 am (UTC)
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It was me, Cow. It was me.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:30 am (UTC)
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GODDAMN YOU, BUTTONS. I THOUGHT OURS WAS A FOREVER LOVE.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Expand
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From:xxxaimsxxx
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:33 am (UTC)
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You're anonyscum.

You're being totally unfair to scum. And this why I'm leaving anonymous e-hate for you all over the place. Except, I'm not. But I totally should be.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 01:55 am (UTC)
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I'll know which ones are you because they won't use "you're" properly.

Except you used it properly in this comment. Well done!
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From:ohimesamamama
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:34 am (UTC)
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Ah, the anonymity of the internet. What joy. What rapture. Duck soup.

I'm gonna be scrabble-tiling all over the place now because of you, you know.

But seriously, you're an easy target because you're visible, active, and opinionated, and you seem happier about the show than the average person. Among other things. It's sad, but there you go. You definitely don't deserve the flak.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:45 am (UTC)
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I'm gonna be scrabble-tiling all over the place now because of you, you know.

I see my influence is powerful! Nice.

And yeah, I know I'm an easy target. And it's not as bad as it could be, but it's really irritating, and I don't need it.
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From:iheartbridges
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:35 am (UTC)
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Whose comments have been collapsed. Implying that someone deliberately read my comment in order to make a rude reply.
I'm so confused.

And fyi, the comments between petunia and I had nothing to do with you - email me and I'll explain.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:39 am (UTC)
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When you get to fifty comments, the comments collapse. Like, you can't just scroll down and read them all. Only the first couple in any thread are shown, and the rest become itty bitty links. To read them, you have to click the actual "Thread" link. So you have to make a special effort to see my comment, is the point.

I am one paranoid motherfucker. Crazy Internets!
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From:jenelope
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:37 am (UTC)
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Well, you know, I'm bigger than a lot of people, so if you need somebody's ass kicked, I can probably do that. (However, I should probably warn you that my only fights have been with my siblings and they usually ended with me whining to my mother and telling on them.)

Seriously, what the hell? I don't get people. But hey, I think this means that you're officially a big name fan. Congrats!
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:48 am (UTC)
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Thanks! I feel so (dis)honored.
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From:the_partyman
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:37 am (UTC)
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Well I think you are great, and anyone who anonymously suggests otherwise is clealy less great than you are. :)

I hope that whoever these anonymous annoyances are coming from, that they are of the anonymous asshat variety, and not an anonyrat anonyscum.
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From:jeeperstseepers
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:39 am (UTC)
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Hahahaaa, your unused idea is enjoyable. Why is it unused?

The fact that someone out there is lurking behind you following up your posts with anonymous insults means that you are officially UNBELIEVABLY COOL. No one bothers with stuff like that for a nobody.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:41 am (UTC)
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I know! I'm so fucking awesome!

And it's unused because I forgot to tell wyk about it before the update went up, and she used her thing instead.
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From:petunia846
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:41 am (UTC)
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Dude. Not it.

Although I wish I could do something equally mean to the person who's car alarm is going off outside right now. Any ideas?
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:43 am (UTC)
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Write "ABEL IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER" on the windshield.
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From:tallisen
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:46 am (UTC)
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Annonymous posters who say rude things should meet the business end of Logan's X-terra's rear-bumper. *nods* I'm orry that people have been doing that to you! *hugs* You're a real sweet person!
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From:missdeviant
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:48 am (UTC)
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THAT is why I don't do fandom.

Besides, I prefer to save my anonymous letters for the purpose of propositioning John Stamos. SEXOR.
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From:spadada
Date:January 31st, 2006 02:16 am (UTC)
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You totally did fandom in Austin. I have a picture that proves it.
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From:truemyth
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:48 am (UTC)
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There's a reason I set up my new layout to name anonymous posters "Cowardly Commenter #365." Now's not really a good time to remind you that I friended you a while back and would be pleased to have you do the same, is it? Well, duck it, cuz I went and did it anyways.

Strikethroughs are fun stupid better than sex brought to you by HTML.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:53 am (UTC)
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There's a reason I set up my new layout to name anonymous posters "Cowardly Commenter #365."

Ha! You can do that? Nifty.

Now's not really a good time to remind you that I friended you a while back and would be pleased to have you do the same, is it?

No. Because right now, I hate everyone. INCLUDING YOU. Kidding. I'm hesitant with my friending because my flist is ginormous enough as it is, so I usually keep tabs on people I might friend (of which you are definitely one) to make sure I want to read their posts. Your S2 love post won you many points, I'll tell you. Patience.

Strikethroughs are fun stupid better than sex brought to you by HTML.

Heee. And that just put you over the top.
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From:mangofandango
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:52 am (UTC)
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Damn! "Donut Run" was a great an awful an episode of television! I have so much trust in the writers no more trust in the writers a television. If you don't think that "Donut Run" rocked sucked aired, you suck suck are human. (forgive the lack of the ingenuous strikes, I'm lazy)

I LOVE THIS. :)
From:ch1pper
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:56 am (UTC)
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Beware the anonymice, for they are stupid and quick to insults.

Think of it as a badge of humour P-C that you impinge on ppl's world to the extent that they have seek you out. And be asshats.
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From:behindpyramids
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:58 am (UTC)
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*hug*

I universally love you.

Anonymouse bitchy comments are horrible, and worse they create this madevil paranoia so you start looking at everyone sideways...and it all around sucks.
C'mon people, be brave enough to put a name to the bitching.


[User Picture]
From:raelee
Date:January 31st, 2006 12:59 am (UTC)
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T'wasn't me. No, really, I promise. You're a paranoid cow, P-C, but I'd be the same way. Anonpeople suck.
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From:silentsiren47
Date:January 31st, 2006 01:05 am (UTC)
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Nothing but love over here.
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From:carminaburana
Date:January 31st, 2006 01:10 am (UTC)
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No! Who messed with P-C, yo! I have scary relatives I can sic on them. Just say the word!

By the way, I recently friended you and never got around to telling you. :)

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