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I Don't Think This Parking Lot Is Big Enough to Hold All My Rocks of Rage - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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December 4th, 2005


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09:49 pm - I Don't Think This Parking Lot Is Big Enough to Hold All My Rocks of Rage
So I don't think I'm going to Austin.

See, most of you found out about the lack of marathon on Friday. It's easy to be gung-ho about it when you've been carrying all this excitement along all this time.

Rob told us there were Issues almost a month ago. Hell, for once, I learned something before eirefaerie did. At that time, we thought the entire thing was going to be called off. Rob said it was looking pretty grim. After a couple weeks, I pretty much resigned myself to the idea of the Alamo event not happening at all. Behind the scenes, the two parties were battling Warner Bros., but I was not hopeful. Every time someone mentioned the prospect of going to Austin or getting tickets to Austin, it bugged me not to be able to say anything, not to be able to say hope is an evil, horrible thing, and it eats you starting with your bottom.

Then, over Thanksgiving, Rob told me there was life still. But by that time I was already dead. All my enthusiasm and joy had dissipated. I wasn't going to get my hopes up again. Sometimes, being on the inside sucks.

A couple days before the tickets went on sale, I found out that the Drafthouse had negotiated a deal to make the event happen. The marathon was gone. The episode 11 premiere remained along with a clips/panel discussion. A clips/panel discussion. Twenty-two hours of awesomeness had been reduced to three. A unique experience had been reduced to the equivalent of the Paley Festival. Or Comic-Con. Or numerous other cast appearances. And I had not been preternaturally compelled to fly down for those.

See, in that month of thinking the marathon was off altogether, I did scrounge up some money I could conceivably use to fund a plane ticket to Houston (en route to Austin). Except I had been looking on the bright side and thinking, good, I actually have some money. Because, see, my bank account goes down every month. And, really, I hate complaining about that because I know I'm actually better off than some people. At least I have money in my bank account. But I have a crappy job that barely pays my rent, let alone my electricity, cell phone, cable, Internet, and, most recently, my loan payment. Also, I've been told I need food to survive. There is a real job in my future, but it is not here yet, and until then, I'm trying to make it as long as possible without going under and being forced to move back home. And that is something I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really don't want to do.

Okay, I used copy-and-paste for some of that. Most of that.

When the Marsathon became more of Marsa...something else, I decided I couldn't justify dropping money I really don't have on such a slim offering. If I hadn't already had momentum built up for it, I wouldn't consider flying down for something like that, right? I would just sit here and be jealous of the people in the area who could go. I mean, I still want to go, obviously. I want to meet eirefaerie and iheartbridges and the various other people who might end up going. I want to meet Rob and the cast. I want to be there for the world premiere of his directorial debut. To...support him, I don't know. It only happens once, you know.

The money from Kaplan, the money from my parents...it's not marked "Must use to go to Austin." It's marked "Here is some money." And, being as neurotic as I am, I can think of hundreds of other uses for that money. Maybe have some ice cream and feel like I can afford it. Maybe go to a play and feel like I can afford it. Maybe do...anything that involves money and feel like I can afford it. I think you guys are witness to the first LJ post that's made me cry while writing it. Maybe. Anyway. So that's why I'm probably not going, barring a sudden change in my brain chemistry or an influx of chicken salad.

larisa57: I had to tell you -- I was just talking to my sister, and mentioned "A guy I know got a shout-out on last week's VM." She responded, "You know Polter-Cow?!?"
spectralbovine: Haaa.
spectralbovine: Wow.
spectralbovine: That's...haaaa.
larisa57: you're famous!
larisa57: or something
spectralbovine: Apparently.
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: Nine Inch Nails - All the Love in the World

(47 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:petunia846
Date:December 5th, 2005 02:58 am (UTC)
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What if I promised to bring chicken salad to Austin? I've never really made chicken salad, but I know some people who make it really well, and I bet I could get them to give me the recipe and teach me how to make it.

Meh. I know. *hugs*
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:00 am (UTC)
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Ooh, homemade chicken salad? I do not think I've ever had that! I think my first taste of chicken salad was the Chick-Fil-A chicken salad sandwich years and years ago. It was love at first bite. And I don't think they even make it anymore. Woe.

*hugs*
[User Picture]
From:petunia846
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:06 am (UTC)
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Oh honey. Chic-fil-a? You need some gooooood chicken salad. Chic-fil-a sucks ass. Bleh. I find it quite gross. The summer between my junior and senior years of college I stayed here and lived on campus and my friends and I discovered this restaurant in town called Cafe Savannah. They had THE BEST chicken salad ever. And good cake. We ate there like at least twice a week. Then shortly after the school year started it went out of business. So sad. If I ever write a book it's going to be called "Savannah Summer."

Um, yeah...I went off on a tangent. I need to go to bed now.
[User Picture]
From:thetheatremouse
Date:December 5th, 2005 05:01 am (UTC)
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Ohmygalosh that's the best icon ever and I've never seen it before!
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:December 5th, 2005 05:07 am (UTC)
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Hee. Isn't it great? I've also been meaning to tell you that I love yours. It looks like she's in front of a campfire or something. I love the lighting and I love her expression.
[User Picture]
From:thetheatremouse
Date:December 5th, 2005 05:27 am (UTC)
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Thanks. She is in front of a campfire, at the moon-calf. I think in the moment of "Sit with Casey? Sit with Rain?" I love it so. Yay lighting! Yay KB's face!
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:December 5th, 2005 05:25 am (UTC)
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Also, I'm not entirely sure how much I love "Ohmygalosh," but it's a lot. *hugs*
[User Picture]
From:thetheatremouse
Date:December 5th, 2005 05:27 am (UTC)
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*hugs* back.
[User Picture]
From:jeeperstseepers
Date:December 5th, 2005 06:41 pm (UTC)
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I may have to steal "ohmygalosh," theatremouse. (This is TAPhD from TWoP's GG MM, by the way.)
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:December 5th, 2005 11:11 pm (UTC)
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You replied to me, not her, which means that she won't get any notification. Of course, neither did I. Fucking LJ.
[User Picture]
From:jeeperstseepers
Date:December 5th, 2005 11:17 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Sorry. I thought I remembered getting email notifications about comments that were in response to someone whose comment was in response to mine. I guess it's just The Crack.
[User Picture]
From:kibarika
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:10 am (UTC)
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We can have a sour grapes party, you and me, with our test prep classes. I may not be spending the winter holidays with my 80+ year old grandmother because I need the cash money from TPR too bad, so I definitely feel your pain. You still gotta call me that day, though.
[User Picture]
From:briasoleil
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:11 am (UTC)
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I'm sorry to hear that the Austin thing isn't going to happen in the way that it was initially planned. I know that I was devastated when I realised that it just wouldn't be feasible for me to go there. (I know it seems like I shouldn't, as I'm not all that involved with the fandom and don't post on twop anymore [I simply can't keep up], but I love this show more than anything and have pimped it within an inch of my life.) In that vein, I can imagine how hard it must be for you to choose not to go.
From:babsonite
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:13 am (UTC)
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Yay for being famous!

And I'm sure Rob has will make this better somehow. Maybe we could have a TWoP day on the set or something...
[User Picture]
From:zimshan
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:19 am (UTC)
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Oh, man. This whole thing makes me so sad. And mad. Back when it was a marathon, it was so easy. I was gonna go. The end. But after Friday, I've been all indecisive girl, and after reading you post I know I basically have no business trying to shell out all that money to fly all the way to Austin for a just a small clips and panel session. Grr, I don't know what to do, but I'm definitely looking closer to reality than I was before. And grr, I hate reality! Damn you, reality!
[User Picture]
From:jeeperstseepers
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:24 am (UTC)
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You're killing me, P-C! *hugs* Your pain is my pain. Please be happy. Or just not sad. Please, please, please. You'll make some more money, you'll save some more money, and next time, when something as awesome as the marathon was supposed to be comes along, you'll be able to afford it and you'll be happy and your happiness will be my happiness.
[User Picture]
From:tiggz
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:26 am (UTC)
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yeah. i haven't posted about it, but i'm not going either. actually, even before i'd found out that it was being drastically re-worked i was considering not going. the big change solidified it for me.

i hope everyone who does go has a fabulous time and brings back lots of stories in spite of the fucking suits.
[User Picture]
From:amberlynne
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:27 am (UTC)
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Awww. That's disappointing. :(

But honestly, if I didn't live so close, I wouldn't even be considering it. Especially now that it's been trimmed AND everyone has had time to learn about it. I doubt I'll even be able to get a ticket now. Why do the Suits always have to ruin everything??
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:squaringkarma
Date:December 7th, 2005 01:07 am (UTC)
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My roommate is madcow .. followed by her birthdate. On AIM.
[User Picture]
From:chrisjournal
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:35 am (UTC)
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*hugs*

Just because. I don't know whether I'll make Austin or not, but I will say this: I've never gone to a media event just for the media, but more to meet the virtual people I've come to admire and respect. And I've never been disappointed, either. My entire situation is up in the air right now, but I've still got it in the back of my mind to turn up at 6 next Friday to roll the dice.
[User Picture]
From:debetesse
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:42 am (UTC)
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I feel your pain on the money thing. Really. I won't detail, but, yeah, being able to afford things would be nice.

Also on the parents, although less directly.

If there's anything...

::hugs::
[User Picture]
From:allthelivesofme
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:47 am (UTC)
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Awww. :-( Granted, I don't know very much about this whole thing, but I'm sorry to hear it didn't pan out like you were hoping. Fingers crossed that something'll happen soon to balance the scales, at least.
[User Picture]
From:denisef
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:50 am (UTC)
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{{{hugs}}}
[User Picture]
From:carpedi7
Date:December 5th, 2005 03:54 am (UTC)
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Awwww, I totally understand but at the same time I'm so disappointed that I'm not going to be able to meet you, that was one of the things that I was really looking forward too. faithx5 and I are still going because both of us want a vacation and since she is driving it cuts the cost some. Even if we don't get tickets we are going to go, but I totally understand the thing about the money. I probably shouldn't go and spend the money but since it isn't a plane ticket and the tickets to the event and hotel room for those nights are basically what I'm going to pay for I'm going to do it. {{{Hugs}}} and damn the stupid suits.
[User Picture]
From:toughcookie42
Date:December 5th, 2005 04:18 am (UTC)
(Link)
Haha: rocks of rage
{hug}: everything else

I suggest that you and I have our own VM marathon. Either when I'm done with finals or after break.

It's a strange and proud feeling that my best friend is "famous".
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:December 5th, 2005 04:26 am (UTC)
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Whee, marathon!! If you're up for it, I'm up for it, since we never got to marathon Firefly.

And if you, like, want to sit in front of my computer for a while, we can catch you up on season two. UNFORTUNATELY WE CAN'T WATCH THEM ON MY DVR BECAUSE MOTOROLA CAN SUCK MY COCK.

We also haven't done 24, but that can wait.
[User Picture]
From:punzerel
Date:December 5th, 2005 04:48 am (UTC)
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many hugs. not having money is horrible and soul-deadening. you should get all your friends (and rob thomas) to fly to your apartment and have a marathon there. they can switch their flight plans...
[User Picture]
From:iheartbridges
Date:December 5th, 2005 05:01 am (UTC)
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Sometimes, being on the inside sucks.
That is true. Ignorance is bliss, my friend.

And I just got shouted-out to in your lj! That makes me feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy inside! Know that you are that cool.
[User Picture]
From:thetheatremouse
Date:December 5th, 2005 05:08 am (UTC)
(Link)
I totally feel you on this issue, except with a different but analogous event, because there was pretty much never a chance I was going to Austin. My earmarked money fell through for Important Mouse Event Involving Meeting Fabulous Person Whom I Admire, and I was all crushed. Then it seemed I'd be given a ticket to the location of said event as a gift. Then I did not. Then I decided to spend my own money anyway, which I did, and I went, and in the moment, it was the best handful of hours of my life.
But here I am on the other side, and I still wonder whether I should have done it, because in some ways I A: felt I wasted it because so much of it just washed over me. 2:still have moments where it's sad I don't have the extra money and worry whether I made a mistake. 3: after the goodness of that Event, for more than a week, everything else I did, having to be anywhere else SUCKED. I was seriously depressed. So, in some ways, and if this ends up just feeling like condescending not helpful crapola, tell me to shut the fuck up, but in some ways, you at the very least are spared from the crash that comes after the wonderful, when you'd still have to go back to all the not fabulous things about your life, and damn would they feel 25 times worse afterwards.
[User Picture]
From:schnappycat
Date:December 5th, 2005 05:30 am (UTC)
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Aw, hugs? That's all I can say. I know how much you were looking forward to it.
[User Picture]
From:ariiadne
Date:December 5th, 2005 05:44 am (UTC)
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I wish you'd go to Austin for entirely selfish reasons; i.e., MEETING ME.

Which of course is the most important thing in all this, right? Right? ...er.

It sucks that circumstances are lame, though. It's obviously something you really want to do. We should take up a "Get Sunil to Austin" fund. =)

(And Southwest goes from Detroit to Austin, you know, for the not-exactly-cheap-but-also-not-terrible... just sayin'.)

[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:December 5th, 2005 05:56 am (UTC)
(Link)
Northwest is the cheapest I've found, at about $260. Which is less than the amount of money I lose every month. There was a crazy week where they inexplicably went down to about $219, and I was reeeeeally close to buying them. And then we found out the marathon might not even happen.

I want to meet you too. It would be fun. Cutie.
[User Picture]
From:soundingsea
Date:December 5th, 2005 11:41 am (UTC)
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Oh, man! I was hoping to meet you. I still am considering going (if I can get tickets) because I need a vacation, and Austin's a nice change from Minnesota in January. This just means that more time will be spent actually sight-seeing.

But if all the people I want to meet from my flist don't go, that sucks most of the fun out of it!
[User Picture]
From:ashfae
Date:December 5th, 2005 12:48 pm (UTC)
(Link)
DON'T MOVE BACK IN WITH YOUR PARENTS. 'Nuff said.
[User Picture]
From:eirefaerie
Date:December 5th, 2005 04:50 pm (UTC)
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You already know my feelings on the subject. And I won't hammer them into you again.

Just, dude, I've been to LA to meet people. Three times now, and I've never had anything less than a totally mind-blowing, awesome fucking time. VIPs are icing.

And just because we'll only be in the Drafthouse for a couple of hours, doesn't mean it won't still be a blast. And I'm trying to figure out a way to cram a bunch of people in a hotel room so that we can have a mini-S2 marathon, too. Cause that'd be fun. And, and, there's just so much cool stuff, Sunil. And I want you to be there. And if I had a credit card, I'd just fucking book you a ticket right now.

Could you ask your parents for a plane ticket to Houston ("to see your Rice friends") for Christmas? If they bought you the ticket, you'd have to use it. Because I understand the draw of having money given to you, and you're like, well, but I can't use it for stuff I want, because I need to pay bills, check myself into rehab, get caught up on my loans, eat. And so if the ticket were already bought for you . . .

and then, what other expenses would you have, really? You have a free place to crash, and I'll buy you breakfast tacos on Saturday and dinner at the Alamo, and you don't drink, so you don't need to worry about that, and I'll have my car, so there won't be cab fare and please come. Please?
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:December 5th, 2005 06:33 pm (UTC)
(Link)
And I won't hammer them into you again.

Liar!

Just, dude, I've been to LA to meet people. Three times now, and I've never had anything less than a totally mind-blowing, awesome fucking time. VIPs are icing.

I know. As Tegan and Sara say, "I know I know I know." I've flown for friends before. It's just that back then, I had money. Hell, I really couldn't afford to go when the marathon was on, but I had this huge drive. Then the month of "Well, it's not going to happen" killed that drive. So even though I still really want to be there, I can't o'erleap my financial woes.

And, and, there's just so much cool stuff, Sunil. And I want you to be there. And if I had a credit card, I'd just fucking book you a ticket right now.

I know. And that's very sweet and generous of you. I want me to be there too. I wish I could be there for your sake.

Could you ask your parents for a plane ticket to Houston ("to see your Rice friends") for Christmas?

HA. No way. I make a big fuss every time they want me to come home, complaining that I can't miss work and I have things I need to do, and I'm going to have to tell them soon that, um, no, my boss won't let me take a fucking week off for Christmas just because you want me for every single holiday in the history of the universe. To ask them to pay for me to visit friends instead of them? Huge slap in the face. I don't even tell them because any time not here should be spent at home, how could I possibly want to spend time with anyone else but my wonderful and loving family?

and then, what other expenses would you have, really? You have a free place to crash, and I'll buy you breakfast tacos on Saturday and dinner at the Alamo, and you don't drink, so you don't need to worry about that, and I'll have my car, so there won't be cab fare and please come. Please?

I don't know what breakfast tacos are, but they sound good. You're making a good case here.

It comes down to this, Erin. If I don't go, I will be unhappy because...I didn't go. If I go, I will be unhappy because I will have dropped myself further into financial criminy and I use the impression of having a little sum of so-called "bonus money" to justify any little thing I do that involves money and isn't necessary for my survival, even though I don't keep a solid count. If I really, really decide I want to have some ice cream, for instance, I will think, "Well, I just got all that money from home, so I'm good." This will go on until another large sum of money comes my way. If I drop all that money on a plane ticket, I have...nothing. Every time I think myself into some money I can use, I think myself into believing I need to not lose that money right now because I need it as a cushion, and as long as it is there, I can pretend things are all right. Oh fuck, I'm crying again.

I don't think there's any real way for me to win here. Being alive depresses me.
[User Picture]
From:raelee
Date:December 5th, 2005 08:10 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I'm sad that something that had you so excited and happy has turned into a situation where you can't win either way. Because, now, even if you go it'll be bittersweet and I wish there were a way I could change that.

Just when I was starting to forget, the WB have reared their ugly heads and reminded me why I hate them. Look, I even broke out the WB icon just for this post.

Anyway. I'm not sure what my point is here other than to commiserate and to chime in with everyone else letting you know how much you will be missed if you don't end up going. Sometimes the world sucks.

*ships you some hugs*
[User Picture]
From:dachelle
Date:December 5th, 2005 09:24 pm (UTC)
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I'm sorry to hear that you won't be able to go. I hope something changes in the next week - like, you win a lottery or rob a bank or something - that will enable you to buy a ticket and come hang out with us. I understand about the money situation. It sucks, but I understand.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:December 5th, 2005 11:14 pm (UTC)
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Aw, even Bono feels my pain.

I hope something changes too. Or I drive myself crazy enough that I just say, "Fuck it." Which is also possible because hey, who needs money anyway.
[User Picture]
From:dachelle
Date:December 5th, 2005 11:18 pm (UTC)
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Emo!Bono is indeed sad for you.

Money is overrated. Also, the root of all evil. You should try to get rid of it as quickly as possible.
[User Picture]
From:dahliam
Date:December 6th, 2005 01:26 am (UTC)
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*big hugs* I'm so sorry honey. I totally understand the money issue and the parents issue. Something I've recently come to realize: real life sucks. Nobody really tells you that.
[User Picture]
From:darlingviolenta
Date:December 6th, 2005 03:18 am (UTC)
(Link)
Aw, that sucks for you. I had that sort of thing with EnderCon a few years ago . . . I got over it, but I was really bummed for a while, to put it extremely mildly.

So, um, if you're not gonna go home for a week at Christmas, does that mean you'll be in Michigan before the New Year? Ben & I will be at my parents' from noonish Dec 27 to the morning of Jan 1, and could totally come play in A^2 at some point then. We're not your super cool Veronica Mars people, but we are kinda cool (in that endearing nerdly way, of course) people.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:December 8th, 2005 01:43 am (UTC)
(Link)
Ooh!! I would love that!! I will keep you posted as to my whereabouts.
[User Picture]
From:ironsgold
Date:December 6th, 2005 03:21 am (UTC)
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This has certainly turned into a mess, and while I never wanted to go myself, I was excited for all of the VM MMMers that where so looking forward to this.

On that note, go. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't. Remember the worn saying you only regret the things you didn't do? I have found this to be true, trust me.

From what I understand from your post, it's the idea of not having some backup money that you're afraid of. I take that nothing is actually being shut off (electric etc.) if you decide to do this for yourself. So try this; decide to earn the money separately from your regular work. You won't have the time to do it before you book your trip, but you can replace it. First, it's Christmas. Get a second temp job for the season. Joey my neighbor is working at Toy's Are Us for four hours a night restocking shelves. You could probably easily find something you could do short term.. Remember, it's just temp work so you won't be compromising your real life for too long. I had four jobs at one time and it almost killed me but it gave me great satisfaction to be able to say I could get by without my family's money. Secondly, you could go the ebay route. People will buy anything, it's amazing. Third, you're smart. Use it. A med student that boards his horse with me is making a fortune helping seniors pick their new medicare plan. He just read all the literature, which he said was wonderfully convoluted, put up a few signs, and is going to Aspen on the proceeds. You would be great at this!

I don't mean to lecture, and I hope I'm not coming on too strong. It's just that I'm a lot older than most of you, and I have some experience problem solving. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed we can't see our way clearly, and think that solvable problems are much bigger than they really are.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:December 6th, 2005 03:33 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thanks for the tips. I've thought of trying to find extra income, but extra income, like money from my parents, is not earmarked for pleasure. I don't make enough to pay all my bills as it is, and I'm supposed to be recouping my losses first, not...creating more.

I guess whether or not I decide to go depends on my mental state at the end of the week.

Current state: irrational rage

I'm not sure whether that's pro- or anti-Austin, though.
[User Picture]
From:funky_donut
Date:December 6th, 2005 08:20 am (UTC)
(Link)
*hugs*

I'm sorry, babe. Money stuff sucks. I'm right there with you. I wish I could help.

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