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National Bovine's European Vacation II: Facebook Status Edition - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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April 11th, 2011


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07:57 pm - National Bovine's European Vacation II: Facebook Status Edition
Given that I have yet to do a more extensive post about my adventures in Budapest and Barcelona, this may realistically be all you get regarding my adventures in England and Scotland (I haven't even finished writing down my notes from the trip). But my Facebook status updates do summarize my trip quite well!

spectralbovine has tickets for the following: The Mousetrap (longest-running show EVER), Doctor Who Experience (OMG INSIDE THE TARDIS), In a Forest Dark and Deep (Matthew Fox and Olivia Williams!), day trip to Stonehenge and Bath, day trip to Loch Ness and the Highlands, and War Horse (life-size horse puppets!). So much for spontaneity. PLANNED AWESOMENESS INSTEAD.

spectralbovine is very disappointed that after having already lost an hour to Daylight Saving Time, he is losing another hour to British Summer Time! At least he saw the Prime Meridian on Greenwich Mean Time.

spectralbovine learned about the history of London at the Museum of London, had authentic fish and chips at the Anchor, saw a hundred million fake sunflower seeds at the Tate Modern, got a taste of what it was like to see Shakespeare at the Globe, had an authentic 99 Flake from an ice cream stand, and had a home-cooked British meal from Irishwoman [Jars]. Yorkshire pudding is not pudding, what the fuck.

spectralbovine relates to St. Paul's Cathedral in terms of Assassin's Creed II and Fresco, to the British Museum in terms of God of War and Cyclades, and to The Mousetrap in terms of [SPOILER] and [SPOILER]. Seriously, how is whodunit in The Mousetrap not one of the best-known spoilers of all time? Can millions of people really keep a secret?

spectralbovine FLEW THE FUCKING TARDIS at the Doctor Who Experience, saw lots of old fucking things at the Victoria and Albert, marveled at all the fucking dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum, and walked in the footsteps of Jack the fucking Ripper with London Walks. In other news, the "Amy Pond" look of short-skirt-and-stockings is not uncommon, and Upminster sounds about as dirty as Cockfosters.

spectralbovine toured beautiful Westminster in the morning and managed to squeeze in quick tours of the National Portrait Gallery (DEAD WHITE MEN) and the National Gallery (Impressionism and Post-Impressionism FTW) in the afternoon. Thanks to a seat upgrade, he had a good view of Matthew Fox yelling at Olivia Williams. And on a Literary London walk, [cucumbersarnies] ran into a friend from school she hadn't seen in 16 years.

spectralbovine had a strangely disappointing first last day in London. Stonehenge really was just a bunch of rocks in a field, but they sure were...mysterious. Bath was quite lovely, but he didn't have enough time to tour the Jane Austen Centre. Rough Trade East did not have the Sohodolls CD he was looking for. And authentic chicken tikka masala tasted NOTHING like he expected; butter chicken tasted even LESS like he expected.

spectralbovine loved that Edinburgh Castle was a real castle that did castle-y things. Underneath the city, he discovered the Real Mary King's Close. And at night, he went on one of the best walking tours he's ever been on: the tour guide was a cute Scottish girl, there were only four people, he was hanged twice, and [Joe@] sold his soul to the devil. Scotland sure likes killing people.

spectralbovine had a lovely lunch of beetroot risotto and chicken with honey and pommery mustard at Doll's House followed by Snickers and chocolate peanut butter ice cream at B. Jannetta's, thanks to [pandarus's] recommendations. He has also introduced Joe, Tera, and Dave to Botticelli: persons used so far include Mike Myers, Werner Heisenberg, Alexander Graham Bell, and Kamehameha.

spectralbovine thanks [Dave], [Tera], [Joe@], [Ryann], [enshanam], and [Nathan] for reminding him that a bunch of Rice people makes for the best dinner table conversation ever. He is now exhausted from his very first céilidh, and he congratulates [barilosopher] and [Carrie] on their awesome Scottish wedding!

spectralbovine climbed to the top of an extant volcano, stood in the room in which Mary, Queen of Scots's Italian secretary was stabbed 56 times, saw a million pounds and one of [tigeremme's] favorite paintings, and lost to [ashfae] in Cluedo: The Card Game (discovered in a St. Andrews thrift store between the wedding and the reception) and Munchkin Booty.

spectralbovine had vegetarian haggis and chocolate chicken tikka masala with whipped cream and sprinkles. It's basically like Indian mole! Later, he may have had encounters with the South Bridge Entity and the Mackenzie Poltergeist. Then he visited the grave of one Thomas Riddell.

spectralbovine thanks [Jofish] for recommending he go to Glasgow to visit the Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum, which is the BEST MUSEUM EVER. He wants to have kids just so he can take them there. He also appreciated Whistler at the Hunterian Art Gallery and puppets in the Mitchell Library. In other news, he wonders if Scotland would mind if he took home a redhead. They appear to have a surplus.

spectralbovine found the Highlands to be mountainous and green, peppered with rivulets and rivers and painted with lochs. It's a shame the weather was so dreich he opted out of exploring Urquhart Castle and cruising on Loch Ness. But on his last night in Scotland, he chatted with a nice young man on the train who recommended he return and visit more of the Highlands. Perhaps! In other news, he is now obsessed with blackcurrant.

spectralbovine was delighted that the Tower of London was a REAL CASTLE with a MOAT. And the Crown Jewels were SHINY and SPARKLY. And then he saw War Horse: HOLY LIVING MOTHER OF FUCK, what an amazing piece of theatre and puppetry. It's spectacle, but with an emotional and dramatic purpose (although he must admit he wasn't specifically compelled by the general boy-and-his-horse story, the war scenes were affecting).

spectralbovine experienced the glorious juxtaposition of beans and toast this morning and the bizarre concoction that is coronation chicken on the plane, but now he must celebrate his return to the United States of America with a ceremonial burrito.
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Metric - Hustle Rose

(17 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


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From:behindpyramids
Date:April 12th, 2011 03:02 am (UTC)
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to be a fly on your shoulder! (like a daemon...I would have helped with directions!)

welcome back! can't wait to read the details.
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From:janieluk
Date:April 12th, 2011 11:13 am (UTC)
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Had a feeling you were passing through these parts, although there's basically no overlap between what you saw and what I've seen in this country. Give or take that I'm now going to think of AssCreed II every time I see St Paul's. Bah!
From:dotificus
Date:April 12th, 2011 01:14 pm (UTC)
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oooo, fun! I've been envying, I mean thinking about you and wondering what this trip was like.
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From:skogkatt
Date:April 12th, 2011 02:28 pm (UTC)
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Isn't black currant AWESOME? I don't tend to drink much soda anymore, but if I were over there, I'd totally have a Ribena Spark.
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:April 13th, 2011 02:05 pm (UTC)
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I didn't have a Ribena Spark, but I was disappointed by the straight-up Ribena I had on my last day, as it didn't seem to have much kick at all. Hell, the apple-and-blackcurrant Drench I had, which was ostensibly FLAVORED WATER, had much more flavor to it than the juice box.
[User Picture]
From:skogkatt
Date:April 13th, 2011 02:56 pm (UTC)
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I'm not a big fan of Ribena mixed with plain water, but somehow as a soda it works really well for me. Vimto, on the other hand, I remember disliking because it was artificially sweetened. I know not of this Drench you mention. I got to have blackcurrant scones on Sunday, though, which yum!
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From:silveronthetree
Date:April 12th, 2011 10:12 pm (UTC)
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Yay! You found some beans on toast. I was wondering if you'd found any. Also it was very nice to meet you!
(Deleted comment)
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From:thetheatremouse
Date:April 16th, 2011 12:50 am (UTC)
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Beans and toast! Booyah!
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From:soleta_nf
Date:April 20th, 2011 11:17 pm (UTC)
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I enjoyed reading your updates on Facebook -- they were very entertaining! I'm glad you had a wonderful trip!
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From:phoenixrave
Date:April 23rd, 2011 12:23 am (UTC)
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I'm SOOO glad that you got to experience Beans and Toast! It's my favorite breakfast. I'm noticing a lack of Fish & Chips or Battered Mushrooms with salt and sauce. You'll have to try it on your next go.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:April 23rd, 2011 12:59 am (UTC)
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I did have fish and chips, but I never encountered battered mushrooms.
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From:phoenixrave
Date:April 23rd, 2011 01:16 am (UTC)
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Did you get them in England or Scotland....actually, did you get them in Edinburgh, specifically, or elsewhere? The sauce is a particularly Edinburgh thing. It is to me what Diet Dr. Pepper is to You-Know-Who!
It used to be fairly cheap to bring into the US...then, they began charging for a second checked bag...and finally, not letting you bring liquids on flights. I'm not usually brave enough to pack a vinegar sauce in a flimsy container with all of my clothes!
[User Picture]
From:spectralbovine
Date:April 23rd, 2011 01:33 am (UTC)
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Are you talking about the brown sauce? I did get that at a place in Scotland, and I liked it! It was kind of like soy sauce. For fish.
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From:phoenixrave
Date:April 23rd, 2011 01:45 am (UTC)
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Yes! I'm drooling here thinking about it. When I'm in Edinburgh, I go to chip shops at LEAST twice a day. Moan!
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From:justlikeontv
Date:April 24th, 2011 04:41 am (UTC)
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You're a trailblazer in the UK! And *I'm* jealous that you got to go to Scotland too! Sorry the weather was blech. Did they let you take home a redhead? I don't care about hair color but I was thinking about picking up my own Scotsman while I'm over there.
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From:pica_scribit
Date:June 13th, 2012 09:43 pm (UTC)
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Cluedo: The Card Game (discovered in a St. Andrews thrift store between the wedding and the reception)

Aw, you went to St Andrews? I lived there for four years. Haven't been back since 2008. I miss it so much.

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