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Flat Bionic Sporking Elves - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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July 28th, 2005


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08:38 pm - Flat Bionic Sporking Elves
VoicePost
455K 2:16
(no transcription available)


This one goes out to all my peeps in the Veronica Mars Meet Market Mafia. Here we go.

Flat bionic sporking elves
Trying not to spork themselves
Cyborg, android, who can tell?
These elves have come here straight from hell!

F is for flat, for their two dimensions
They have no depth, and thus no tensions
They glide like paper that can cut
And they could crawl right up your butt
They're thin, and skinny, and altogether mini
But if you ever see any you had best better run
Because their entirely flat nature allows them to travel at faster-than-light speeds due to the complete lack of air resistance
And if they catch you, it won't be fun

Flat bionic sporking elves
Trying not to spork themselves
Cyborg, android, who can tell?
These elves have come here straight from hell!

B is for bionic, they're part robot!
Their limbs can do what yours cannot
They have the strength of ten thousand men
With a flick of a pinky, they could crush a hen
They're shiny, and whiny, and altogether tiny
But if there's one by my knee I had best better bolt
Because a byproduct of having so many machine parts is the ability to release large amounts of electric charge at a moment's notice
And I'd rather not feel that jolt

Flat bionic sporking elves
Trying not to spork themselves
Cyborg, android, who can tell?
These elves have come here straight from hell!

S is for sporking, their method of destruction
Attacking with a strange spoon/fork construction
They can pierce through your skin with the greatest of ease
They can cut out your heart before you can sneeze
They're vicious, malicious, and altogether precious
But they're also quite capricious so you best better hide
Because you might think they're letting you go free but in fact they will change their mind on a whim based on, say, what color shirt you're wearing, and then it's all over, my friend
And I'd cry a lot if you ever died

Flat bionic sporking elves
Trying not to spork themselves
Cyborg, android, who can tell?
These elves have come here straight from hell!

E is for elves, those evil little freaks
With a gleam in their eyes and no rose in their cheeks
They come from a land where they are taught to make cookies
But these murderous bakers just scoff at those rookies
They're brittle, from kettles, and altogether little
But if you try their vittles then you'd best better puke
Because in an act of righteous rebellion they've poisoned all their cookies with iocane powder, which is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man
And eating one would be like eating a nuke

Flat bionic sporking elves
Trying not to spork themselves
Cyborg, android, who can tell?
These elves have come here straight from hell!

(30 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


From:babsonite
Date:July 29th, 2005 12:49 am (UTC)
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I love you. I am crying right now laughing!!!! And I almost fell off my chair a couple of times. I love the grand finale!!! And this line...

And I'd cry a lot if you ever died

We so need an MMM musical!!
(Deleted comment)
From:(Anonymous)
Date:July 29th, 2005 01:16 am (UTC)
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Okay, this time I laughed so hard I think I popped a lung. This is the BEST!

~ raligh
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From:petunia846
Date:July 29th, 2005 01:21 am (UTC)
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I am crying! That made my year.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 29th, 2005 01:25 am (UTC)
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I don't understand why everyone thinks this is so funny. I was writing a deep, informative song about the history and character of the flat bionic sporking elves. I put my entire heart into my performance, and what do I get? Laughed at.

*cries*
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From:petunia846
Date:July 29th, 2005 01:44 am (UTC)
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*allows spectralbovine to cry on her shoulder*
(Deleted comment)
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 29th, 2005 01:30 am (UTC)
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And right after Artificial Joy Club! Awesome!
(Deleted comment)
From:fishinginthemud
Date:July 29th, 2005 01:37 am (UTC)
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Heh. Awesome.
From:hobviously
Date:July 29th, 2005 01:41 am (UTC)
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I am disappointed that you didn't work iocane powder's antipodean origins in there, cow. Four stars.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 29th, 2005 01:43 am (UTC)
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*looks up antipodean*

Irrelevant to the nature of its danger.
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From:electricmonk
Date:July 29th, 2005 01:45 am (UTC)
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I did not cry. BUT it reminded me of my freshman year, when I sat in the hall outside my dorm room and you sang to me on the phone. I think it was the Modern Major General one. Aw.
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From:eirefaerie
Date:July 29th, 2005 02:54 am (UTC)
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DUDE.

rock.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 29th, 2005 02:57 am (UTC)
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Yay! I think this is the first time you've ever commented on a post of mine. Glad you enjoyed it.
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From:eirefaerie
Date:July 29th, 2005 01:34 pm (UTC)
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That is because you frighten and confound me. :)

Or because I never ever comment on anyone's journal, unless they're talking about me. I'm vain. In case you hadn't noticed.
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From:flymara
Date:July 29th, 2005 03:43 am (UTC)
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OMG, this? Is awesome. I'm still in love with your voice too *sigh*
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From:violet4120
Date:July 29th, 2005 06:44 am (UTC)
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I love it! I'm gonna put it on my MP3 player.
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From:warden96
Date:July 29th, 2005 02:27 pm (UTC)
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That was terrific! I have to admit when I first heard it, it reminded me of anime theme songs from Japanese cartoons I used to watch when I was younger. Then Gilbert & Sullivan was mentioned and I can see the connection now.
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From:jenelope
Date:July 29th, 2005 03:16 pm (UTC)
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Well, I'd note how clearly insane you are and back away slowly, but I know that had the power of the phone post been available during my filking years, I would have laid down some tracks, man. My first (and possibly only) phone post was the song I sometimes sing to my cat, after all.
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From:alliterator
Date:July 29th, 2005 04:33 pm (UTC)
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Holy crap. This was awesome. Especially "Because in an act of righteous rebellion they've poisoned all their cookies with iocane powder, which is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man." Man, you are like a god.
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From:punzerel
Date:July 29th, 2005 05:30 pm (UTC)
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Iocaine powder *sighs happily* Oh I love all PB references so very much. (Haven't had a chance to listen yet though, boo.)
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From:pixxi_is_dizzy
Date:July 30th, 2005 02:13 am (UTC)
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ok. I listened to it once, and then again because my winamp is on repeat and by three times i was dancing a bit to it and by 5 I realized it's probably not healthy to listen to 5 times in a row..

But none of that really matters as I've sung it at least 6 times in my head.

Thanks.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 30th, 2005 02:17 am (UTC)
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Heeeeeeeeee. You're welcome.
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From:pixxi_is_dizzy
Date:July 30th, 2005 02:23 am (UTC)
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I totally needed that right now! (Probably more than I'm willing to admit) My gecko is missing somewhere in my room.
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From:alliterator
Date:July 31st, 2005 05:27 pm (UTC)
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I finally got around to making this:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Hope you like it.
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From:spectralbovine
Date:July 31st, 2005 05:33 pm (UTC)
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Heee!!

How very amusing. I will go tell people all about it.
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From:shutterbug1
Date:August 2nd, 2005 02:23 am (UTC)
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Ha! I love this icon. Can I use it, too?

Someone should make one out of the elves and/or logo from raligh's brilliant PC entry, since she isn't on LJ:
http://www.imageark.net/img.php?id=124529
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From:alliterator
Date:August 2nd, 2005 04:24 am (UTC)
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Sure, go ahead.
(Deleted comment)
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From:spectralbovine
Date:January 16th, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
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Eh, alliterator likes making icons of my stuff. See?

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