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Smallville 4x22 Commencement: Commentary by Fish and Cow - The Book of the Celestial Cow

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May 22nd, 2005


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10:43 pm - Smallville 4x22 Commencement: Commentary by Fish and Cow
Dude, this episode was kinda...good. We actually...enjoyed it, mostly. So maybe our commentary isn't as funny. Or maybe it's funnier. There's kind of a spoiler for "Leave It to Beaver" in the teaser commentary, so skip to the credits if you haven't seen the finale yet.

Spectral Bovine: Oh no wait, the aliens are coming to abduct his sister.
FishingInTheMud: YOU MAKE BUFFY LOOK LIKE SHE HAS PERSPECTIVE
Spectral Bovine: Judy Blume would call him Supersmudge.
Spectral Bovine: Backup would totally eat his ass right now.
FishingInTheMud: all lionel needs is to kill lots of people and have lots of money
FishingInTheMud: i'm starting to grasp the idea that rocks are somehow involved in this plotline
Spectral Bovine: Damn, every episode should have a meteor shower. This is fun.
FishingInTheMud: clark thinks he's not in kansas anymore

Can you handle our truth?

Spectral Bovine: Previously, on Smallville!
Spectral Bovine: The show used to be good.
FishingInTheMud: but not that good
FishingInTheMud: it sucked wind a little more softly
Spectral Bovine: Hey, they're making the show look kinda cool.
Spectral Bovine: Did you hear the drums?
FishingInTheMud: i want to watch THIS smallville
FishingInTheMud: yeah
FishingInTheMud: lana fu!
FishingInTheMud: she's the chosen one!
FishingInTheMud: NOOOOO
Spectral Bovine: Destiny!
Spectral Bovine: OH SNAP.
Spectral Bovine: Was that Martha?
Spectral Bovine: Did she say "finahle"?
FishingInTheMud: HEE

FishingInTheMud: i don't have to applaud lana
Spectral Bovine: Dude, she should be crying about her dead son.
FishingInTheMud: but it's all about lana, remember?
FishingInTheMud: or the stone
FishingInTheMud: it's all about the stone
FishingInTheMud: OH YES
Spectral Bovine: Damn, Dr. Quinn's packing heat.
FishingInTheMud: WOO
Spectral Bovine: Oh fuck.
Spectral Bovine: Lana can kick.
FishingInTheMud: lana punch!
Spectral Bovine: But she sucks at actually fighting.
FishingInTheMud: she's scary looking
Spectral Bovine: This is totally like Aaron and Keith!
FishingInTheMud: ouch!
Spectral Bovine: Except...this didn't happen with the purple eyes.
FishingInTheMud: i heard her neck squeak
Spectral Bovine: Shit, dude!
Spectral Bovine: This is brutal.
FishingInTheMud: OH SHIT
Spectral Bovine: What the fuck is this?
FishingInTheMud: i...don't kow
Spectral Bovine: BLOOD OMG.
FishingInTheMud: she killed her!
Spectral Bovine: WHAT HAVE I DONE?!
FishingInTheMud: lex thinks this is a cliched scene
Spectral Bovine: Okay, see, I know you and Jason were having issues.
Spectral Bovine: That doesn't mean you have to kill his mom.
FishingInTheMud: clark's having a dry dream
FishingInTheMud: for once
Spectral Bovine: Clark's going insane, cool.
Spectral Bovine: Oh no wait, the aliens are coming to abduct his sister.
FishingInTheMud: oh, damn
FishingInTheMud: that dog
Spectral Bovine: SAMANTHAAAAAA!
FishingInTheMud: GO INTO THE LIGHT, CLARK
Spectral Bovine: Northern Lights catch you coming down.
Spectral Bovine: Sleep your way out of your hometown.
FishingInTheMud: i like that he's chosen to look mildly perturbed for this scene
Spectral Bovine: Whoa.
Spectral Bovine: I guess it wasn't dry after all.
FishingInTheMud: hee hee hee
Spectral Bovine: Shit.
Spectral Bovine: Countdown.
Spectral Bovine: Fuck.

Spectral Bovine: Credits!
Spectral Bovine: Might this episode be...good?
Spectral Bovine: Like...exciting?
FishingInTheMud: oh man
Spectral Bovine: I mean, this asteroid thing is kind of cool.
FishingInTheMud: i don't know if i can handle cool
Spectral Bovine: Cause he's an alien, from space.
FishingInTheMud: i been waitin for ya
Spectral Bovine: That Lana shot continues to suck.

Spectral Bovine: Act I!
FishingInTheMud: come oooon
FishingInTheMud: lady macbeth!
Spectral Bovine: Special Appearance?
Spectral Bovine: She already appeared. Sorry, guys.
FishingInTheMud: that was as special as it got
Spectral Bovine: It was a Special Death.
FishingInTheMud: i have to tell my boyfriend that i killed his mother
FishingInTheMud: he'll be so pleased
Spectral Bovine: Ha ha ha.
Spectral Bovine: Maybe we'll finally have sex.
FishingInTheMud: LANA IN PRISON
FishingInTheMud: SHE'LL GET MOLESTED
Spectral Bovine: Maybe she'll finally have sex.
FishingInTheMud: NOOOO
FishingInTheMud: hee
Spectral Bovine: Lex has girly pink lips.
FishingInTheMud: lex is eeevil
FishingInTheMud: he's helping lana
Spectral Bovine: Todd Slavkin? Darren Swimmer? Dude, this episode will rock!
Spectral Bovine: If...I knew who they were.
FishingInTheMud: ...yeah
Spectral Bovine: Bo's cup has cows on it!
FishingInTheMud: lois lives with them now?
Spectral Bovine: She has nowhere else to go.
FishingInTheMud: except somewhere that ISN'T SMALLVILLE
Spectral Bovine: Clark needs a haircut.
FishingInTheMud: but that makes clark her brother!
FishingInTheMud: incest!
Spectral Bovine: Television loves incest these days.
FishingInTheMud: you ain't veronica mars, biatch
Spectral Bovine: She cut out her heart?
Spectral Bovine: Wow.
FishingInTheMud: lana's hardcore
Spectral Bovine: It's starting to border on the BORING.
FishingInTheMud: lex looted the ruins
FishingInTheMud: lex is a looter
Spectral Bovine: This stone plotline is so ridiculous.
Spectral Bovine: How the fuck did they get on the planet?
Spectral Bovine: So many years ago?
FishingInTheMud: i'm so not even following the story
FishingInTheMud: i just like the purple light flashing on lex
Spectral Bovine: As if Krypton had been monitoring Earth so long ago?
FishingInTheMud: preeety
FishingInTheMud: lana lang's dna as postage?
Spectral Bovine: Ooh, spaaace.
Spectral Bovine: CGI asteroids.
FishingInTheMud: SPACEY
Spectral Bovine: Satellite dishes!
Spectral Bovine: This is way sci-fi.
FishingInTheMud: SATELLITE DOWN
Spectral Bovine: THAT RAT SEES GOD.
FishingInTheMud: IT'S NOT A SLAVE DAY

Spectral Bovine: Act II!
FishingInTheMud: cows!
FishingInTheMud: pretty!
FishingInTheMud: clark!
Spectral Bovine: Is he wearing a purple shirt? That's so gay.
FishingInTheMud: lois is such a downer
FishingInTheMud: shut up, lois
Spectral Bovine: She's going for the Avril look.
FishingInTheMud: she's a clana shipper
FishingInTheMud: but she's bitter, because she loves clark
FishingInTheMud: and wants to choke him
FishingInTheMud: OH CLARK IS A BITCH
Spectral Bovine: Clark will be so bumbling.
FishingInTheMud: i wonder if any of this is foreshadowing
FishingInTheMud: clark takes it as a compliment when people call him handsome
Spectral Bovine: It's possible.
Spectral Bovine: You think Lois will be a journalist?
FishingInTheMud: i don't know, man
FishingInTheMud: i wonder if she might marry clark
Spectral Bovine: How about Lois and Clark? You think they'll get together?
FishingInTheMud: ...nah
Spectral Bovine: Lois and Clark. That has a nice ring to it.
Spectral Bovine: Kind of like Lewis and Clark.
Spectral Bovine: Chloe!!!!111
FishingInTheMud: hee hee
FishingInTheMud: chloe makes fanboys of us all
Spectral Bovine: Why is it outside?
Spectral Bovine: Why is there no giant snake?
FishingInTheMud: that would make this a good show
Spectral Bovine: How did Clark graduate?
FishingInTheMud: how did lana graduate?
FishingInTheMud: or not
Spectral Bovine: There's no one between Kent and Lang in a school that big? Bullshit.
FishingInTheMud: lana's joined the army
Spectral Bovine: Meteor shower?
Spectral Bovine: AGAIN?!
Spectral Bovine: They said lightning couldn't strike twice!
Spectral Bovine: Chloe is so excited.
Spectral Bovine: She's so adorable.
Spectral Bovine: Let's make out.
Spectral Bovine: Before we all die.
FishingInTheMud: clark doesn't share your good taste
FishingInTheMud: CLARK STOP BITCHING ABOUT NORMALCY
FishingInTheMud: YOU MAKE BUFFY LOOK LIKE SHE HAS PERSPECTIVE
Spectral Bovine: Ooh, hear the percussion.
FishingInTheMud: so many cows
Spectral Bovine: This is suspenseful.
FishingInTheMud: it's the apocowlypse
Spectral Bovine: Oh snap.
Spectral Bovine: Dude, is Clark going to fly into the asteroids and break them?
Spectral Bovine: Like Superman does like every forty issues?
FishingInTheMud: he doesn't have a choice
FishingInTheMud: it's his destiny to break rocks
Spectral Bovine: AAAAHHHH!!!!
Spectral Bovine: Act III!
FishingInTheMud: man, poor earth
Spectral Bovine: Okay, the countdown this is gimmicky and cheesy, but it's still fucking cool.
FishingInTheMud: it's like killemall.net
Spectral Bovine: With better music.
FishingInTheMud: clark isn't making lex at all suspicious
FishingInTheMud: lex has scientists
FishingInTheMud: that's hot
Spectral Bovine: What about the Talon?
Spectral Bovine: You can't replace the Talon!
FishingInTheMud: WHAT ABOUT LANA?
Spectral Bovine: You can replace Lana with a baboob.
Spectral Bovine: Baboon.
Spectral Bovine: It will be just as entertaining.
FishingInTheMud: i'd rather replace her with a baboob
Spectral Bovine: And Clark will still be more attracted to it than he is to Chloe.
FishingInTheMud: god

Spectral Bovine: Act III now, I guess!
FishingInTheMud: jor-el is such a dick
FishingInTheMud: "it's all your fault, son"
Spectral Bovine: Dads suuuuuuck.
FishingInTheMud: "you're a fuckup"
FishingInTheMud: "you didn't destroy the earth"
Spectral Bovine: Human blood has stained one of the elements.
FishingInTheMud: i hope it wasn't copper
Spectral Bovine: Damn humans.
Spectral Bovine: What the fuck is this shit, man?
Spectral Bovine: I hate these damn stones.
Spectral Bovine: Why are they there?
FishingInTheMud: it's logan's fault
Spectral Bovine: Fucking Logan.
Spectral Bovine: Awesome!
FishingInTheMud: ooh, fiery
FishingInTheMud: FORTY FIVE MINUTES
FishingInTheMud: UNTIL THIS CRAP ENDS
Spectral Bovine: Bye bye, Smallville!
Spectral Bovine: You won't survive this one!
FishingInTheMud: the camera on clark is all smudgy
FishingInTheMud: i think it's supposed to mean something
Spectral Bovine: He's a smudge on humanity.
FishingInTheMud: his destiny is temporarily smudged
Spectral Bovine: Judy Blume would call him Supersmudge.
FishingInTheMud: i wonder if bo hears trumpets every time he talks
Spectral Bovine: Shut up, crickets!
FishingInTheMud: you're blocking out the sound of platitudes
FishingInTheMud: ew, vermin in the barn
Spectral Bovine: Painful memories?
Spectral Bovine: Like what?
FishingInTheMud: did something bad happen to her with meteors?
Spectral Bovine: You think something bad happened to, say, Lana's parents last time?
FishingInTheMud: i don't know
FishingInTheMud: i don't think they've ever said
Spectral Bovine: She's never mentioned it.
FishingInTheMud: aw, an engagement rock
Spectral Bovine: It's a graduation gift, Clark.
FishingInTheMud: clark will flash that rock everywhere
Spectral Bovine: No, it's strawberry jam, idiot.
Spectral Bovine: Did you not hear your dad's shit about human blood staining the stone?
FishingInTheMud: i don't think he could hear with that wind tunnel all around him
FishingInTheMud: LANA LURVES CLARK
Spectral Bovine: Ewwwww.
FishingInTheMud: um, ew
Spectral Bovine: My dreamkiss was hotter.
FishingInTheMud: the kiss i gave my mother was hotter
FishingInTheMud: wait, no it wasn't
Spectral Bovine: Act IV!
FishingInTheMud: she's thinking of chloe!
FishingInTheMud: what the hell?
FishingInTheMud: lex will keep it safe in his pants
Spectral Bovine: Inside Lex's pants is a smoking gun too.
FishingInTheMud: lana would never murder anyone
FishingInTheMud: except if they were a real bitch
Spectral Bovine: Except that time she killed a henchman with a pitchfork.
FishingInTheMud: but he didn't have any lines, so whatever
Spectral Bovine: No, seriously. She totally kicked someone into a pitchfork.
Spectral Bovine: And he died. And she didn't care.
FishingInTheMud: she learned that kind of detachment from clark
Spectral Bovine: Jason's alive?!
Spectral Bovine: He pulled an Aragorn!
FishingInTheMud: aragorn was a little friendlier than this
Spectral Bovine: Also hotter.
Spectral Bovine: Don't kill the dog!
FishingInTheMud: BASTARD
Spectral Bovine: Backup would totally eat his ass right now.

FishingInTheMud: goddamn traffic
Spectral Bovine: Act IV now, I guess? I can't keep track. The countdowns confuse me.
FishingInTheMud: i have a jetpack in my purse
FishingInTheMud: you won't let chloe through?!
FishingInTheMud: but you'll let lois through
FishingInTheMud: um, this soldier is a damn idiot
Spectral Bovine: Make out with him!
FishingInTheMud: where's your dead mother?!
Spectral Bovine: Hey, that looks like America.
FishingInTheMud: lex is so good at opening doors
Spectral Bovine: Not as good as Angel.
FishingInTheMud: no one's that good
Spectral Bovine: Angel majored in Breaking Doors.
Spectral Bovine: With a minor in Dumb Planning.
FishingInTheMud: somebody save angel
FishingInTheMud: all lionel needs is to kill lots of people and have lots of money
FishingInTheMud: he's a simple guy at heart
Spectral Bovine: Whoooooa.
Spectral Bovine: That's...not hot.
FishingInTheMud: yeah, even lionel can't make this hot
Spectral Bovine: See, here you go.
FishingInTheMud: lex can
Spectral Bovine: When you have wacky nonsensical mumbo jump, at least make it cool. Good job.
Spectral Bovine: Jumbo.
FishingInTheMud: oh crap
Spectral Bovine: Aww, they're bonding.
FishingInTheMud: just in time
FishingInTheMud: i seriously thought lionel would never die
FishingInTheMud: i thought they'd have to write him into canon
Spectral Bovine: He'd better not be dead!

Spectral Bovine: Act V!
FishingInTheMud: jason needs a bath
FishingInTheMud: jason!
FishingInTheMud: don't shoot my wife!
FishingInTheMud: you naughty boy
Spectral Bovine: I can't even keep track of who had which artifact when.
Spectral Bovine: I mean, they did have a seasonlong arc.
FishingInTheMud: i'm starting to grasp the idea that rocks are somehow involved in this plotline
Spectral Bovine: It was just really convoluted.
FishingInTheMud: you broke the ceiling!
Spectral Bovine: And it never had anything to do with the plot of the episode.
Spectral Bovine: Well, sometimes it did.
Spectral Bovine: He said Klingon!
FishingInTheMud: crossover!
FishingInTheMud: lies don't become you?
FishingInTheMud: thanks, bo
FishingInTheMud: lex only wanted one thing from lana
FishingInTheMud: and it wasn't sex, thank god
Spectral Bovine: Ewww.
Spectral Bovine: What does Lana mean to Lex? She's his business partner.
FishingInTheMud: yeah, why does he care so much about her?
FishingInTheMud: is it because she's pink?
Spectral Bovine: She reminds him of his mother.
Spectral Bovine: How did Clark get there?
FishingInTheMud: chloe's stifling the urge to make out with clark
Spectral Bovine: Why are they in China?
FishingInTheMud: so is lex
FishingInTheMud: oh shit, lex mad
Spectral Bovine: Nooooo!
Spectral Bovine: Don't hurt Chloe!
Spectral Bovine: Lex is crazy for stones.
FishingInTheMud: lex has enough stones
FishingInTheMud: bo's bluffing
FishingInTheMud: clever bo
Spectral Bovine: Lie, Martha!
FishingInTheMud: heh
Spectral Bovine: Well done.
FishingInTheMud: smooth
FishingInTheMud: martha's suit is a nice color
Spectral Bovine: Shiiiiit.
FishingInTheMud: oh no
Spectral Bovine: The asteroid is gonna hit him in the face.
FishingInTheMud: ouch
Spectral Bovine: Aw yeah!
Spectral Bovine: This rocks!
Spectral Bovine: Everything is on fire!
Spectral Bovine: KA BOOM!!!!
FishingInTheMud: explosions!
FishingInTheMud: mayhem!
Spectral Bovine: Sweeet!
FishingInTheMud: crows!
FishingInTheMud: traffic jams suck
Spectral Bovine: People are dying!
Spectral Bovine: Everyone's wearing red!
Spectral Bovine: Oh no!
Spectral Bovine: Not little boy!
FishingInTheMud: oh shit
Spectral Bovine: Harry?
FishingInTheMud: was that supposed to make me like clark?
Spectral Bovine: He totally just saved Harry Osborne.
FishingInTheMud: because it kind of...worked
FishingInTheMud: heh
Spectral Bovine: Fuck!
Spectral Bovine: That is the best helicopter pilot EVER.
FishingInTheMud: why is lana everywhere?
FishingInTheMud: goddammit
Spectral Bovine: This is way cooler than those fucking tornadoes from S1.
FishingInTheMud: i don't remember fucking tornadoes
FishingInTheMud: i should have watched season 1
Spectral Bovine: The S1 finale was my first episode.

Spectral Bovine: Act VI!
FishingInTheMud: clark looks calm and unperturbed
Spectral Bovine: Damn, every episode should have a meteor shower. This is fun.
FishingInTheMud: seriously
FishingInTheMud: it's all diamondy shaped
FishingInTheMud: cool
Spectral Bovine: It's the Hellmouth!
Spectral Bovine: Hey, look, a stupid piece of rock.
FishingInTheMud: stupid piece of rock, eh?
FishingInTheMud: it'll show YOU stupid
FishingInTheMud: clark will show you stupid as well
Spectral Bovine: HA HA HA.
Spectral Bovine: I love Chloe so much.
Spectral Bovine: Why are we in Lionel's eye?
FishingInTheMud: it's a good place to be
FishingInTheMud: good coffee here
Spectral Bovine: Hoth?
Spectral Bovine: Where are the AT-ATs?
FishingInTheMud: it's that icy place from superman II
FishingInTheMud: ok, not
Spectral Bovine: Or that, whatever.
FishingInTheMud: lois can't do steel-jawed
Spectral Bovine: Wait, Clark stopped the meteors from falling. I hate Clark.
FishingInTheMud: she can't cry very well either
FishingInTheMud: um, whatever, you don't even like smallville, you bitch
Spectral Bovine: She's no Kristen Bell.
FishingInTheMud: now lana on the other hand
FishingInTheMud: that's what i call thespianism
Spectral Bovine: It'd be cool if Lana couldn't walk next season.
Spectral Bovine: Wait, she already had that storyline.
FishingInTheMud: or be seen by the naked eye
FishingInTheMud: invisible lana
FishingInTheMud: and she can't talk either
FishingInTheMud: why doesn't anyone ever wipe their faces in smallville?
Spectral Bovine: ...okay. What's that?
FishingInTheMud: it's so quiet
Spectral Bovine: Meanwhile, on Hoth.
FishingInTheMud: whoa
FishingInTheMud: clark thinks he's not in kansas anymore
FishingInTheMud: but where's toto?
Spectral Bovine: Wait, is that the end?
FishingInTheMud: to be continued?!
Spectral Bovine: THE FUCK?!?!?!
Spectral Bovine: YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.
FishingInTheMud: what if i don't want it continued?

Spectral Bovine: The freaking blurb for this episode mentioned the fact that Clark is transported to the Fortress of Solitude.
Spectral Bovine: So I thought, you know, something would happen AFTER THAT.
FishingInTheMud: stupid blurb monkeys
Spectral Bovine: And see, I love Chloe more than I love anyone on The O.C., which is why in the battle of timeslots, it loses.
Spectral Bovine: I wonder what the Alias cliffhanger will be.
FishingInTheMud: i have to decide whether to watch veronica mars or related now
FishingInTheMud: stupid wednesday night timeslot
Spectral Bovine: Last season, they "killed off" Chloe. This time, they're "killing off" Lionel. At least they seem to know which characters' fates we actually care about.
Spectral Bovine: But, uh, yeah. That's the kind of episode I watch this show for. Fun and entertaining with things blowing up.
FishingInTheMud: it's hot
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Jets Overhead - Take-Out

(6 memoirs | Describe me as "inscrutable")

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:ohimesamamama
Date:May 23rd, 2005 03:50 am (UTC)
(Link)
You can have all my geek-lurve for the evening. *cackle*
[User Picture]
From:dgriswold
Date:May 23rd, 2005 08:29 am (UTC)

My favorite line is...

(Link)
FishingInTheMud: what if i don't want it continued?

Easily.
From:fishinginthemud
Date:May 23rd, 2005 08:42 am (UTC)

Re: My favorite line is...

(Link)
*bows*
[User Picture]
From:anaid_rabbit
Date:May 23rd, 2005 12:35 pm (UTC)
(Link)
That made my almost-morning. *much fannish love*
[User Picture]
From:alliterator
Date:May 24th, 2005 02:37 am (UTC)
(Link)
Hee. I was watching the Lost and Alias episodes, so I totally missed the Smallville finale, so I'm sad. But this was still awesome. Especially, "apocowlypse." Hee.
[User Picture]
From:peri_peteia
Date:May 25th, 2005 08:38 am (UTC)
(Link)
FishingInTheMud: um, whatever, you don't even like smallville, you bitch

Dude. My thoughts exactly.

Also, "apocowlypse." Heee! On Smallville it's always all about the cows.

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